hazletard-in-chief's definitions
The nonprofit organization that provides the vast majority of psychotherapy for the psychopaths in the Hazleton PA area. The majority of it's patients never get better.
nutty fuck 1: I need some pussy. And I need it fast.
nutty fuck 2: Don't you buttfuck your girlfriend, so she doesn't get pregnant? That's why you need pussy so bad. Asshole is no substitute.
nutty fuck 1: The doctor up a Northeast Counseling told me to either cut my balls off or fudge pack her ass. The last option seems less painful.
nutty fuck 2: To you, that is.
nutty fuck 2: Don't you buttfuck your girlfriend, so she doesn't get pregnant? That's why you need pussy so bad. Asshole is no substitute.
nutty fuck 1: The doctor up a Northeast Counseling told me to either cut my balls off or fudge pack her ass. The last option seems less painful.
nutty fuck 2: To you, that is.
by Hazletard-in-Chief August 18, 2011
Get the Northeast Counseling mug.The primary mode of transportation in Hazleton, PA, seen outside of every home: A stolen shopping cart!
hazletard 1: Got any WD-40, my ride needs a tune up.
hazletard 2: Ditch that bitch. I got this fly Hazletonmobile, from GIANT Food. No I can go Hazleton drifting, this afternoon.
hazletard 2: Ditch that bitch. I got this fly Hazletonmobile, from GIANT Food. No I can go Hazleton drifting, this afternoon.
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010
Get the Hazletonmobile mug.Any person(s) that urinate(s), defecate(s) and/or fornicate(s) on the Stone Couch near Hazleton, PA 18201. Most usually brag about it, without shame.
PA State Trooper 1: Let's stake out the Stone Couch for some Stone Couchers. It's time they go to jail for their immoral behavior.
PA State Trooper 2: The heck with that. Let us shit, piss and fuck on the couch.
PA State Trooper 1: Ooh you're a notty Trooper, ready to stab my pooper.
(Freaky gay law enforcement loving ensues. A box of Dunkin Donuts is involved, as well.)
PA State Trooper 2: The heck with that. Let us shit, piss and fuck on the couch.
PA State Trooper 1: Ooh you're a notty Trooper, ready to stab my pooper.
(Freaky gay law enforcement loving ensues. A box of Dunkin Donuts is involved, as well.)
by Hazletard-in-Chief November 13, 2011
Get the Stone Coucher mug.A form of exhibitionism, in which a white female tween pushes her naked rear up to a chain link fence, while two Dominican males separately penetrate the women's anus and vagina, through the fence. Very common in Hazleton, Pennsylvania.
Perez: Check out that bitch with the iCarly backpack, signaling us into a Hazletonian Glory Hole.
Carlos: You get the asshole this time, I am sick of scraping shit out of my foreskin.
Carlos: You get the asshole this time, I am sick of scraping shit out of my foreskin.
by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010
Get the Hazletonian Glory Hole mug.A swing with accessibility to the rider's genitalia/anus. Supposedly invented in the far east. It could be as simple as a hammock, or as complex as an injection molded custom fit unit upwards of $1500.
me: Let's go down to my sex dungeon, and try out my new Chinese swing. It has thermionic heating and cooling.
some chick: Damn you know how to fuck in luxury.
me: You're making me blush.
some chick: Damn you know how to fuck in luxury.
me: You're making me blush.
by Hazletard-in-Chief October 31, 2011
Get the Chinese swing mug.Using cheaper and more abundant illegal immigrant toddlers, in place of gerbils, to gerbil slam. Very popular with Hazleton's gay community.
THE FIRST HAZLETON SWITCHEROO
HAZLETON, PA CIRCA 1993
Jack Palance: Oh sweet Jesus that gerbil, sure is feisty. What breed is it?
Silly Sammy: It's a Dominican short hair. The Bishop is getting them shipped to Hazleton, PA by the hundreds.
Jack Palance: Damn, I cummed already. Pull that fucker out before he suffocates. He's a keeper.
Silly Sammy: I was thinking of going into the local television news business, want to produce it?
Jack Palance: Uhhh... got to go. I'm shooting City Slickers 2. B-bye!
HAZLETON, PA CIRCA 1993
Jack Palance: Oh sweet Jesus that gerbil, sure is feisty. What breed is it?
Silly Sammy: It's a Dominican short hair. The Bishop is getting them shipped to Hazleton, PA by the hundreds.
Jack Palance: Damn, I cummed already. Pull that fucker out before he suffocates. He's a keeper.
Silly Sammy: I was thinking of going into the local television news business, want to produce it?
Jack Palance: Uhhh... got to go. I'm shooting City Slickers 2. B-bye!
by Hazletard-in-Chief October 31, 2011
Get the Hazleton Switcheroo mug.