hazletard-in-chief's definitions

hazletard

1) noun: A mentally impaired person from Hazleton, Pennsylvania; 2) verb: to render something or somebody useless; 3) verb: to act mentally impaired while in the city limits of Hazleton, PA

A hazletard (definition 1) stole my quad, barrelled up City Hall's steps and hazletarded (def. 2 past-tense) the fucking bitch. The cops found him hazletarding (def. 3 past participle) down the block, from meth. I got to leave this fucking town!

by Hazletard-in-Chief October 11, 2010

Hazleton drifting

A form of racing, in which a shopping cart is forced into a over-steer. Popular in Hazleton, PA, because cars and gasoline aren't covered by food stamps.

hazletard: I won the Hazleton drifting competition in the Walmart parking lot.

me: Fucking sped.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

bloody hazleton

A form of mutual masturbation, in which heavily menstruating woman hangs upside-down while her male partner masturbates her. He catches any falling menstrual blood with his penis, which his partner uses as lubricant to masturbate him.

"Nothing makes my nuts bust, quite like a bloody hazleton."

--Jack Palance

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

Chinese swing

A swing with accessibility to the rider's genitalia/anus. Supposedly invented in the far east. It could be as simple as a hammock, or as complex as an injection molded custom fit unit upwards of $1500.

me: Let's go down to my sex dungeon, and try out my new Chinese swing. It has thermionic heating and cooling.

some chick: Damn you know how to fuck in luxury.

me: You're making me blush.

by Hazletard-in-Chief October 31, 2011

scamotz

1. a confectionery mixture made of: one part low grade Mozzarella cheese, one part American cheese and three parts hydrogenated vegetable oil. Found on cheap pizza and other Italian influenced American foods. 2. semen

Maria: I almost choked to death on some scamotz, last night.

Jennifer: The cheap Italian stuff, or the testicle gravy?

Maria: Both, actually.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

Hazleton Nut Thrust

When a man holds his balls together tightly, and fists a Domincan prostitute's asshole with the balls.

nigga: I would sure like to give you a Hazleton Nut Thrust.

Domincan Ho: (unintelligble Dominican jibbersh)

nigga: Oh yeah. Take it like a white biatch!

Dominican Ho: two dollars.

nigga: Damn your pricey.

by Hazletard-in-Chief November 22, 2010