hazletard-in-chief's definitions

bloody hazleton

A form of mutual masturbation, in which heavily menstruating woman hangs upside-down while her male partner masturbates her. He catches any falling menstrual blood with his penis, which his partner uses as lubricant to masturbate him.

"Nothing makes my nuts bust, quite like a bloody hazleton."

--Jack Palance

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

Hazleton drifting

A form of racing, in which a shopping cart is forced into a over-steer. Popular in Hazleton, PA, because cars and gasoline aren't covered by food stamps.

hazletard: I won the Hazleton drifting competition in the Walmart parking lot.

me: Fucking sped.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

strip mine

Archaic term for surface mine.

Let's go driving in the old strip mine, with your dad's Porsche Cayenne.

by Hazletard-in-Chief October 31, 2011

Northeast Counseling

The nonprofit organization that provides the vast majority of psychotherapy for the psychopaths in the Hazleton PA area. The majority of it's patients never get better.

nutty fuck 1: I need some pussy. And I need it fast.

nutty fuck 2: Don't you buttfuck your girlfriend, so she doesn't get pregnant? That's why you need pussy so bad. Asshole is no substitute.

nutty fuck 1: The doctor up a Northeast Counseling told me to either cut my balls off or fudge pack her ass. The last option seems less painful.

nutty fuck 2: To you, that is.

by Hazletard-in-Chief August 18, 2011

Hazletonmobile

The primary mode of transportation in Hazleton, PA, seen outside of every home: A stolen shopping cart!

hazletard 1: Got any WD-40, my ride needs a tune up.

hazletard 2: Ditch that bitch. I got this fly Hazletonmobile, from GIANT Food. No I can go Hazleton drifting, this afternoon.

by Hazletard-in-Chief December 11, 2010

Hazleton, PA 18201

If Pennsylvania was to have an illegitimate retarded child, this hell hole would be it.

Commonwealth of Pennsylvania: Can't we just abort Hazleton, PA 18201?

United States Supreme Court: No. Once you hit the third trimester, it's illegal. You are well over three hundred trimesters, already!

Commonwealth of Pennsylvania: FUCK!

by Hazletard-in-Chief November 29, 2010

Nueva República Dominicana

Spanish for New Dominican Republic. The Dominican nickname for Hazleton, Pennsylvania, due to it's evergrowing Dominican population.

white hazletard 1: I heard some spick, tell me to get my mullet out of his Nueva República Dominicana. Is that spanish for business?

white hazletard 2: Nope, that means move out of Hazleton, before you get your white ass mashed. I'm moving to Sugarloaf ASAP.

by Hazletard-in-Chief November 27, 2010