gav-wan's definitions

Boris Johnson

Noun. Used metaphorically to indicate a state of such profound confusion and total lack of comprehension that the speaker is feeling detached from reality.

Some of the lies I see written on buses these days make me think "What the Boris Johnson is going on?"

by gav-wan June 21, 2021

Unleadable

See British Conservative Party.

The british conservative party is like a sack of angry ferrets; its unleadable.

by gav-wan June 21, 2021

It's not big and it's not clever

A coded message to a friend meaning, that the friend is doing something that they will come to regret....probably the next morning when they sober up.

Jon, ffs it's not big and it's not clever. That bouncer is watching. Please don't get us thrown out.

by gav-wan July 12, 2018

handstands in the shower

Technique for applying cold running water to the arse the day after a particularly spicy meal

Mark, if you order the vindaloo in this restaurant you'll be doing handstands in the shower tomorrow

by gav-wan July 13, 2018

The Christmas Fallacy

Your boss's belief that, no matter how much work there is to be done, it will all be finished before the Christmas holidays so "we can start next year with a clean slate." See also "work smarter not harder."

"This is a joke. We'll never get it done before Christmas."

"Yeah, I know. The Christmas Fallacy. Fancy a beer?"

by gav-wan December 2, 2021

Work smarter not harder

This is a phrase that a humble boss would use when they have no idea how to help and want to confess that they are an absolute idiot and to apologise for putting you in a situation where you will probably get sick from stress and overwork.

"I can't believe you agreed to that. There is no way we will get it done in time."

"Work smarter not harder."

"Ok, it isn't your fault that you are a moron. I accept your apology."

by gav-wan December 2, 2021

Second Romans

The Second Romans is a secretive christian sect that believes that rule from Rome of the historic territory of Isreal is a necessary and sufficient condition to initiate the second coming of the Messiah. Their secret greeting is the phrase "return the sausages" combining a reference to delicious italian porcine foodstuffs such as pancetta, prosciutto and in particular salami with a reference to the avoidance of pig-based products by those of the predominant faiths in modern-day Israel.

When Sir Keir Starmer said "return the sausages" at the 2024 labour party conference, most people thought it was a slip of the tongue. However, when you study his delivery and alleged correction a moment later, you realise that he was sending a message of solidarity to the Second Romans.

by gav-wan September 27, 2024