fearman's definitions

Fred Phelps

Charming Middle American country gentleman who lives with his family in a nice big house/church and preaches hatred of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, liberals, most of America and pretty much most of the planet. For some esoteric reason only his relatives want to stay in the church, and you have to be a member to marry a member, which keeps their straight teeth fluoridated and their fingers on their banjos. Fred has at least one 69 session with Satan every night, and hopes that if he does it well enough long enough he'll get his soul back. Ya gadda have faith.

That's Fred Phelps. No liberals, no gays, not a shred of what the uninformed call basic human decency, just Fred. Yeeeeee-haaay boah!

This is Fred Phelps speaking. Rumours that Saddam Hussein stole away my significant other are totally unfounded.

by Fearman November 26, 2007

affluent

1. Wealthy.

2. Drunk, as in under the affluence of inkahol. (Meaning the influence of alcohol, as might be mispronounced when inebriated.) Also associated with the other meaning because either condition (ought to) make your troubles float away.

Give him five shots of whiskey and he's affluent.

by Fearman August 7, 2007

boarding school rations

Tiny helpings of food, or revolting quality food. Self-explanatory.

The plaice was three inches long and had a maggot in it. Why are we reduced to these boarding school rations?

by Fearman August 7, 2007

grow balls

Command to someone (not necessarily male) to show a bit of backbone.

Nicole's re-landscaped the lawn with forty different awkward pieces of sculpture and you're worried because she's threatening you with all kinds of bullshit if you don't mow it for her. For heaven's sake, Jimmy, grow balls!

by Fearman December 16, 2007

gooboil

Utterly revolting cooked meal. Typically consists of various objects floating in a bath of reeking, bubbling goo. Hence the name.

I'm not going to one of Maisie's gooboils again. The last time I did I yarked all over the driveway.

by Fearman September 30, 2007

love

Love? Considerably over-rated. Biochemically indistinguishable from the effects of consuming large quantities of chocolate.

- Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

Love? Considerably over-rated. Biochemically indistinguishable from the effects of consuming large quantities of chocolate.

- Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

by Fearman February 14, 2008

serendipity

Something pleasant or useful found while looking for something else. Inspired by a Persian fairy story, "The Three Princes of Serendip".

I initially wanted to date Moira, but she turned out to be an awful bore and she snorted when she laughed, which I can't stand. She did however get me in touch with a car dealer who makes really cool custom cars, top quality and dirt cheap, three of which I bought within a year. That was a real piece of serendipity.

by Fearman April 9, 2008