Definitions by ellsworthtoohey
The schlossmuseum
A living, breathing house that currently operates as a bed and breakfast-makeshift hotel type establishment constructed in the early 1920s. The house is inhabited by the dead, fueled by insanity and psychological torment, and commanded by his unholy highness, Lucifer. Witnesses report seeing blood drip down the walls of the schlossmuseum, seeing demons perched upon the rooftop, staring with fiery eyes into their soul, blood curdling screams of agony in the still of night, and on more than one occasion, guests have reported being dragged out of their bed at night, and down into the basement by an unseen entity, strapped to an antique operating table, and being tortured for several days by demonic surgeons. Despite all this, the schlossmuseum is a fine place to bring your family for an extended vacationism. Seriously, we want you to bring your children here. The house siphons the innocence out of young children, through their mouth/esophagus, and uses it for its own twisted purposes.
Bring your children to the schlossmuseum.
BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO THE SCHLOSSMUSEUM!
Please bring your children to the schlossmuseum, we'd really appreciate it if you brought your children to the schlossmuseum.
BRING YOUR CHILDREN TO THE SCHLOSSMUSEUM!
Please bring your children to the schlossmuseum, we'd really appreciate it if you brought your children to the schlossmuseum.
The schlossmuseum by ellsworthtoohey November 2, 2012
Stevie Wondering
Stevie Wondering has many practical applications such as:
-Marking coordinates for a mortar strike
-Signaling cargo vessels into port
-Recieving interstellar radio transmissions
-Controlled demolition of uninhabited buildings
-Performing cesarian section procedures
-Triggering lasers at Pink Floyd concerts
-Adjusting spark timing on internal combustion engines
-Tuning pianos
-Cleaning skyscraper windows
-Navigating your way through a labyrinth
-Telepathically commanding squirrels to do your dirty work
-Triggering avalanches
-Removing stains on leather upholstery
-Measuring tire pressure
-Analysing exhaust emissions
-Causing the heads of clowns to spontaneously rupture
-Instantly solving complex algebraic equations
-Causing large bridges to oscillate at a specific resonant
frequency
-Heating large vats of cooking oil quickly and painfully
-Replacing lightbulbs on radio communications towers
-Consulting with the rain?
-Prepping automobiles for paint
-Chiseling birthday cards into slates
-Constructing massive heated beaver dams for your family to live in
-Steam distilling large amounts of drinking water
-Pumping sludge from basement sinkholes
-And above all, playing one hell of a piano groove
-Marking coordinates for a mortar strike
-Signaling cargo vessels into port
-Recieving interstellar radio transmissions
-Controlled demolition of uninhabited buildings
-Performing cesarian section procedures
-Triggering lasers at Pink Floyd concerts
-Adjusting spark timing on internal combustion engines
-Tuning pianos
-Cleaning skyscraper windows
-Navigating your way through a labyrinth
-Telepathically commanding squirrels to do your dirty work
-Triggering avalanches
-Removing stains on leather upholstery
-Measuring tire pressure
-Analysing exhaust emissions
-Causing the heads of clowns to spontaneously rupture
-Instantly solving complex algebraic equations
-Causing large bridges to oscillate at a specific resonant
frequency
-Heating large vats of cooking oil quickly and painfully
-Replacing lightbulbs on radio communications towers
-Consulting with the rain?
-Prepping automobiles for paint
-Chiseling birthday cards into slates
-Constructing massive heated beaver dams for your family to live in
-Steam distilling large amounts of drinking water
-Pumping sludge from basement sinkholes
-And above all, playing one hell of a piano groove
Stevie Wondering by ellsworthtoohey August 3, 2012
Broccoli Rob
A general paesana of interest, regarded as one of the founding fathers of the not so democratic republic of congo.
Hails from an Spanish/Italian family and is survived by his liquid based sister kit-kat, who is one of the worlds foremost experts in aerospace engineering. His ancestry is questionable at best, and his childhood is shrouded in mystery. Some believe him to be descended from a long line of peasants. Some believe he has a life sized golden beluga whale statue on his roof gazebo, but needless to say, his garden could use improvement. One indisputible fact the CIA has been able to uncover is his inherent yiddishness, which causes him to sit in the synagogue all fucking day, staring straight ahead, and not saying a fucking word until the sun rises on the sabbath. He calls it Yom Kippur Another interesting fact is the big long hairs on top of his head, which he feeds indirectly into the running fanbelt. When the echo of a distant time comes willowing across the sand, broccoli rob is overpowered by an unrelenting force, directly. I always said he'd come to no good in the end, your honor. If they had let me have my way i would have flayed him into shape, but my hands were tied, and the bleeding hearts of artists allowed him to get away with murder, and I would be delighted to hammer him into the ground today.
Hails from an Spanish/Italian family and is survived by his liquid based sister kit-kat, who is one of the worlds foremost experts in aerospace engineering. His ancestry is questionable at best, and his childhood is shrouded in mystery. Some believe him to be descended from a long line of peasants. Some believe he has a life sized golden beluga whale statue on his roof gazebo, but needless to say, his garden could use improvement. One indisputible fact the CIA has been able to uncover is his inherent yiddishness, which causes him to sit in the synagogue all fucking day, staring straight ahead, and not saying a fucking word until the sun rises on the sabbath. He calls it Yom Kippur Another interesting fact is the big long hairs on top of his head, which he feeds indirectly into the running fanbelt. When the echo of a distant time comes willowing across the sand, broccoli rob is overpowered by an unrelenting force, directly. I always said he'd come to no good in the end, your honor. If they had let me have my way i would have flayed him into shape, but my hands were tied, and the bleeding hearts of artists allowed him to get away with murder, and I would be delighted to hammer him into the ground today.
Broccoli Rob by ellsworthtoohey August 2, 2012
Leucotome
A leucotome or McKenzie Leucotome is a surgical instrument used for performing leucotomies, prefrontal lobotomies and other forms of psychosurgery.
Invented by Canadian neurosurgeon Dr. Kenneth G. McKenzie in the 1940s, the leucotome has a narrow shaft which is inserted into the brain through a hole in the skull, and then a plunger on the back of the leucotome is depressed to extend a wire loop or metal strip into the brain. The leucotome is then rotated, cutting a core of brain tissue. This type was used by the Nobel prize-winning Portuguese neurologist Egas Moniz.
Invented by Canadian neurosurgeon Dr. Kenneth G. McKenzie in the 1940s, the leucotome has a narrow shaft which is inserted into the brain through a hole in the skull, and then a plunger on the back of the leucotome is depressed to extend a wire loop or metal strip into the brain. The leucotome is then rotated, cutting a core of brain tissue. This type was used by the Nobel prize-winning Portuguese neurologist Egas Moniz.
Leucotome by ellsworthtoohey August 1, 2012
Extended Vacationism
Bony Babs took an Extended Vacationism to Southern Europe, in which the terrific magma engulfed her entire body over the course of several seconds. That is the only redeeming trait all humans share..they die.
Extended Vacationism by ellsworthtoohey July 30, 2012
urban dictionary rage
the feeling you get when those dickface editors wont publish words/phrases you made on urban dictionary, due to the fact that they are "so fucking annoying" that i kill them all day, every day, and when i run out of dickfaces to kill, i resurrect them, and kill them once more to express my anger
I was suffering from acute urban dictionary rage, so I flew a helcopter into a high altitude brick wall at 110 nautical miles per hour. Win.
urban dictionary rage by ellsworthtoohey September 6, 2011