al-in-chgo's definitions

Pornality

“PORNALITY” comes from PORN + BANALITY, a misheard or misunderstood (if clichéd) expression that takes on a more graphic or sexualized meaning:

Examples --

HARD-AND-FAST solution becomes “HARDEN-FAST” SOLUTION;

NO-HOLDS-BARRED (wrestling) becomes “NO HOLES BARRED” (stick it anywhere!);

NIP IT IN THE BUD becomes “NIP IT IN THE BUTT";

and, a pornality deliberately scripted for television:

CORNISH GAME HEN became "CORNISH GAY MEN" as mishead by Dick Solomon (John Lithgow) on NBC-TV's "Third Rock from the Sun" (1996-2001).

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"Man, you got a buttload of mail."

"Don't you mean 'boatload'? "Buttload" is a pornality."

"I was gonna say 'shitload'."

"Point well taken."

by al-in-chgo May 13, 2010

Pornalities

Plural of "Pornality" (see definition).

Pornalities are words or expressions formed by fusing an older saying (usually trite or banal) with a new element to form a new meaning, usually more risque or graphic:

Examples:

With simple juxtaposition: "What can I do for you?" becomes, "What can I do you for?"

Fusion (sometimes called portmanteau) of two words:

TV's Bart Simpson fused CRAP + FANTASTIC and got CRAPTASTIC.

Said the hooker to the john: "It's a business doing pleasure with you."

Said the john: "And I love the fact that you observe all the Pornalities."

by al-in-chgo May 15, 2010

eight inches

An erect penis length that about one out of fifty men has, but about one out of ten claims.

.
Q: What's a Gay Eight?

A: Six inches.

Q: OK, so what's a genuine eight inches?

A: No one I know (sighs).

.

by al-in-chgo May 16, 2010

aiieee!

Pronounced roughly "Ah-YEEEEEE!," this highly useful word not only lets you scream in Italian, but in most other major Romance languages and, because of its onomatopoetic (sound-into-printed word) quality, is pretty well understood around the world.

.

Roman Dentist: "This might hurt just a li--"

Roman Patient: "Aiieee!"

by al-in-chgo May 18, 2010

prison sex

Male-on-male anal sex in which the top stands up and the bottom bends over, usually grabbing his ankles, his butt to top's junk. This is considered the fastest and easiest way for top to pentrate and fuck to orgasm, if not the most esthetically pleasing. Out of prison, the bottom can be female or male.

Indeed, "prison sex" is often the preferred method of sex in prison, where quickies are key. It is not to be confused with conjugal visits, which imply no particular sexual positioning between partners.

.

"Whaddaya mean, Joe's too tall for you? Have him bend over and grab his ankles -- you've never heard of prison sex?"

"I like to look my fuckee in the face, Dude. Prison sex to me is all about efficiency and nothing about romance."

"Believe me, if you both want it bad enough, you'll find a way . . . maybe several different ways."
.

by al-in-chgo May 20, 2010

harden-fast solution

The cliche "hard-and-fast solution," as in "American energy independence offers no hard-and-fast solutions," upon mishearing becomes a Pornality (q.v.) and figures into the more risque examples below:

"Liz, I've been drinking too much, there isn't going to be any harden-fast solution in bed tonight."

"Uncle Joe, I'm sorry your love life is on the skids but if you're looking for a harden-fast solution there's always Viagra."

Thom -- "Quick-setting concrete for your breezeway! That can be your harden-fast solution!" Timm -- "Don't talk dirty."

.

by al-in-chgo May 23, 2010

grizzled

Partly gray or streaked with gray. Connotes age, but not necessarily.

.
Jerry Garcia was a grizzled and bearded band leader in the decade before his death, but he still had a comparatively young face.

by al-in-chgo May 24, 2010