Yet Another Josh Cohen's definitions

noodle incident

Something that happened in the past. No one talks about it, no one knows exactly what it was. But everyone agrees that it was something embarassing or bad.

From "Calvin and Hobbes".

(At a 20-year High School Reunion)
Wife: Why is everyone looking at you funny?
Husband: They must not have forgotten the noodle incident.
Wife: You never told me about that. What was it?
Husband: ... ... it was... the noodle incident. (looks away shamefully)
Wife: (goes off to find someone to explain this to her)

by Yet Another Josh Cohen September 22, 2006

ass-to-pants ratio

The percentage number that indicates how nice someone's ass looks inside their pants, shorts, bathing suit, skirt, dress, or underwear. The closer to 100%, the better that ass looks. May be abbreviated as ATP.

"Denise always buys the pants that make her butt look perfect. Every day, she's got a 100% ass-to-pants ratio."

by Yet Another Josh Cohen December 9, 2007

standard cycle

The graphable curve by which men can measure the frequency with which they receive blowjobs over the lifetime of a relationship.

If x=days spent in relationship and y=number of blowjobs-per-month, then as x increases, y decreases. The curve usually looks like the positive side of a hyperbolic graph, starting with y being very high and eventually reaching somewhere between 0 and 1, actually hitting zero if the relationship is in the marriage phase.

Dude 1: I used to get a lot of blowjobs, but they tapered off and eventually stopped happening. The standard cycle.

Dude 2: My standard cycle is a straight line that never goes above one.

Dude 1: Your wife sucks.

Dude 2: No, she doesn't, and that's the problem.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen December 4, 2009

youtube fight

When someone in your office watches a video on YouTube that is silly or strange and you try to respond and top them, you have started a YouTube fight.

"I'll see your Banana Splits and raise you a Jem and the Holograms."

"Dude, I'm busy. No time for a YouTube fight."

"Poop."

by Yet Another Josh Cohen February 25, 2009

Radiohead

an admittedly-talented band that is overplayed on every alterna-rock station; tends to overdo the political stuff, which detracts from their music

I swear I heard at least one Radiohead or Thom Yorke song on Ethel every hour yesterday.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen September 15, 2006

manage expectations

corporate doublespeak for "we don't want to do our best, so let's make sure people think we're doing our best without revealing that we're not doing our best" -- anything in which you have to "manage expectations" means you could probably devote more time and effort to making things better, but you just don't feel like it

Marketing has to manage expectations of our new software package so that the boss doesn't make us do any more work.

by Yet Another Josh Cohen January 13, 2007

poop friend

A friend you're close enough to that you can talk about poop -- having to poop, the smell of it, that you just fired off a big one, that sort of thing. Very valuable.

"Ugh, I still feel like crap. I fired one off 10 minutes ago and it didn't help."
'What, a poop?'
"Yeah... we're poop friends, right? I can tell you that, right?"
'Uhh... yes?'

by Yet Another Josh Cohen October 30, 2007