Virgin Suicides's definitions

Father's Day

a second, peculiar type of Mother's Day for all of the single mothers who also have to be fathers to their children.

Mama said that Mother's Day is a celebration of her natural maternal instincts as a single parent and Father's Day represents the more masculine, paternal qualities she's had to learn since she's had to raise us on her own.

by Virgin Suicides July 8, 2017

dystopian hipster theme park

the subtitle for Detroit, Michigan for the last twenty plus years. Also where professional athletes who's teams get blown out / routed in the early rounds of their respective league playoffs go to drown their sorrows.

Welcome to Detroit, your dystopian hipster theme park getaway ! Just look up every once in awhile to avoid being hit by falling broken concrete or rusted out steel beams.

Commercial Voice Over : Hey Joe Blow, your team just got the shit kicked out of it in the first round of the playoffs. What are you gonna do next ?
Joe Blow : Well I sure as hell ain't going to Disneyland now, am I ? Guess I'll head me over to the dystopian hipster theme park and smoke me some crack and chug cheap-ass wine !

by Virgin Suicides May 9, 2017

fuck you architecture

insincere, inauthentic, dishonest, and ugly building design meant to meet the bare code, legal and zoning requirements for standing domiciles whilst achieving one goal and one goal only : making money off the public and usually in the most blunt, crass and direct way.

Wal-Mart Inc. employs fuck you architecture in almost all of its' stores and surrounding properties.

by Virgin Suicides July 8, 2017

Iowa Eyes

Also Iowa Lamps or Greenhorns. The way rural newcomers and persons from the provinces stare for prolonged periods of time at urban dwellers, usually with a disbelieving, gawky incredulity. The gaze predictably derives not only from the usual unfamiliarity with the pace, rhythms and protocols of city life, but also an unmistakable unlettered and unsophisticated countenance and temperament.

Sari and I tend to avoid certain urban attractions moreso in the summer than other times of the year. Places like the arcade, central fountain and the boardwalk are simply not pleasurable with all those largely rural, out-of-town tourists out and about. They tend to stare at the locals with those Iowa Eyes or Lamps as if we were circus freaks or zoo animals.

by Virgin Suicides April 4, 2024

suck it 'til you fuck it

similar to fake it 'til you make it; the art of brown nosing, ass kissing, cozying up to and plain out and out sycophanting some one or some group until you score that desired prize, achieve that goal, realize that golden dream.

I so badly wanted to attend Harvard University that I got the Ivy League Directory, looked up Harvard grads living in my area, called several of them up, sweet talked my way into the life of the one most easily flattered by my egregious flattery, wined and dined him, ran all sorts of errands, and became, in effect, his kept boy. Upon his connections and letter of recommendation, I gained admission - whereupon I dropped his ass and never saw him again. Suck it 'til you fuck it !

by Virgin Suicides August 14, 2017

fart spliff

the art of lighting your cigarette or joint by ignited fart gas instead of regular lighter or match.

Butthead : say Beav, I'm bored - let's do a circle jerk.
Beavis : Nah, we did that last night.
Butthead : Okay, than let's do a fart spliff.
Beavis : Alright - I've got a doobie and a lighter and since you just ate a whole pizza with onions, pepperoni and beans, pull your pants down and bend over.
Butthead : duh, are you gonna fuck me ?
Beavis : Naw, I'm gonna light your farts and then light this spliff with the emitting gas.
Butthead : Makes sense. Cool !

by Virgin Suicides April 22, 2017

geek boat

derisive term used to describe any grouping of dweebs, geeks, nerds, et al who are about to collectively engage in an activity that will only bring further embarrassment, humiliation and shame upon all of them. 'Boat' is akin to the Titanic, sailing somewhat naively along, oblivious of the impending disaster about to unfold.

Friend : Hey, wouldja look at all the geeks lined up outside the Palladium for the Taylor Swift concert ?
Me: Good Gawd, don't they know there IS no Taylor Swift concert tonight ? That was just a bunch of wise-asses from school who put up phony posters all over town to see what dips would be dumb enough to show up !
Friend : Hey, you're right, and the door they're lined up at isn't the entrance, either. It's a makeshift corridor to the construction workers porta-john on the other side !! LOL

Me : LOL What a bunch of dopey schmucks !!
Friend : What a geek boat !!

by Virgin Suicides October 18, 2017