31 definition by Uncle Joosie

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like crocodile tears but from a lying asshole
in recent testimony, Brett said he was super sure he's never sexually assaulted anyone and started phony kavanaugh tears when realizing his dream to get on the supreme court was going down the shitter.
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by Uncle Joosie September 27, 2018

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When babies, dogs, kids or other people are so cute, and it becomes so aggravating, that you just want to squeeze them until their eyeballs pop out.
Karla bumped in to old-friend Susie on the street, with her three-month-old, Emmett, decked out in a sailor suit, giggling endlessly. "He is so adorable in that get-up that I just want to slap him," Karla remarked to Susie, who quickly explained that she was suffering from Violent Affection Syndrome (VAS). Susie took Emmett and kept walking down the street.
by Uncle Joosie April 17, 2014

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a bowel movement spread out over 2 or 3 intervals—like an opera or play.
early one morning, Timothy took a noticeably low-volume crap, and then flushed and washed his hands. A few minutes later he realized it was an Opera Poop—one that required a second and possibly a third visit to the toilet.
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by Uncle Joosie June 27, 2017

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Tucker Carlson's grimaced look every night on Fox News.
Tucker Carlson was interviewing Glenn Greenwald on Fixed Noise with resting constipation face as they both slammed Hillary for sending some email.
by Uncle Joosie June 16, 2018

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Chyronalism (chyron + journalism) happens when news media fact-checks lying asshole fuckfaces like Donald Trump in on-screen graphics. "Chyronalism" has taken the place of actual journalism since profit-driven news media is all about access and ratings. They DGAF about confronting lying politicians to their faces, so they fact-check in the chyron.
Brindy was in the CNN production room during a live broadcast when she committed an act of Chyronalism; from a quick Google search she found Donald Trump to be a lying shitbird and corrected him on-screen in the chyron.
by Uncle Joosie August 14, 2016

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An outsized, abnormally gigantic poop taken after a visit to Chicago where all sorts of high-calorie foods were consumed.
During a trip to Chicago, Tim had a cheeseburger platter and chocolate mayonnaise cake at Portillo's; deep-dish pizza at Bartoli’s; and a few hot dogs from street vendors. When he got back home to Connecticut, he sat on the toilet and dropped a gargantuan Chicago Deuce that was so huge it looked like a shipwreck.
by Uncle Joosie August 20, 2016

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Trump's sole purpose for his "summit" with Putin.
Donnie Trump recently flew Air Force One to pleasure his Russian boss, Vlad Putin, with a handjob in Helsinki.
via giphy
by Uncle Joosie July 22, 2018

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