People you know from church, but are not really friends with outside of church. They notice you at Wal-Mart on Sunday afternoon after you skipped church that day and approach you to announce that they missed you in church, expecting either a doctor's note or an explanation as to where you were.
Wife: "Shoot! I ran into the Church Police while I was at Wal-Mart."
Husband: "Who was it?"
Wife: "Betty and George."
Husband: "Did they say anything?"
Wife: "Yeah. 'We missed you today at church.'"
Husband: "What'd you say?"
Wife: "One of the kids was sick."
Husband: "Who was it?"
Wife: "Betty and George."
Husband: "Did they say anything?"
Wife: "Yeah. 'We missed you today at church.'"
Husband: "What'd you say?"
Wife: "One of the kids was sick."
by Turkey Trot March 14, 2011
Get the Church Policemug. Catholic. You go to church on Saturday night, get your church on. Then Sunday start your new week of debauchery and sinful living. Spoof on The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Michelle to her co-worker: "I'd like to invite you to church this Sunday."
Betty: "Thank You, what church do you go to?"
Michelle: "It's the Church of Latter-Day Saints."
Betty: "Oh, I used to go to the Church of Saturday Saints and Sunday sinners! We had bingo, spaghetti suppers with a beer garden, wine with Communion. You go to church Saturday night, look all churchy, then the next day go back to being you! Come next Saturday, get reset to zero again."
Michelle: "Oh, never mind then..."
Betty: "Thank You, what church do you go to?"
Michelle: "It's the Church of Latter-Day Saints."
Betty: "Oh, I used to go to the Church of Saturday Saints and Sunday sinners! We had bingo, spaghetti suppers with a beer garden, wine with Communion. You go to church Saturday night, look all churchy, then the next day go back to being you! Come next Saturday, get reset to zero again."
Michelle: "Oh, never mind then..."
by Turkey Trot March 31, 2011
Get the Church of Saturday Saints and Sunday Sinnersmug. A pomegranate. Lovely red leathery-skinned fruit, with little bitty corn-shaped berry type seeds inside. The seeds are the edible part.
Me: "Let's go to the store and get a Chinese apple to eat."
Friend: "Don't you mean a 'pomegranate'?"
Me: "Well, we called them Chinese apples when I was little."
Friend: "Don't you mean a 'pomegranate'?"
Me: "Well, we called them Chinese apples when I was little."
by Turkey Trot November 15, 2010
Get the Chinese applemug. A set of items which can be used in any fix-it applications. An Italian tool kit consists of a paint scraper, which can be used as an ice scraper, a chisel, a screw driver, a griddle cleaner, a BBQ scraper, a pry bar, a box cutter, a fly swatter. There is also a hammer which can be used like a hammer, but not usually. A hammer is used when a screwdriver is not handy or is too time-consuming. The claw end of the hammer can be used to open bottles. A wire coat hanger: This can be used to stir paint, open a locked car door, replace the car's radio antenna, clean a clogged drain, clean the vent on a clothes dryer. Electrical tape: much more precise than that old Redneck Duct tape, which BTW loses it's sticky. Electrical tape will be around for decades longer than duct tape.
"Yo, Benny! Go in the Italian tool kit and get the paint scraper, I need to open the window; I forgot my keys on the kitchen counter!
by Turkey Trot November 12, 2010
Get the Italian tool kitmug. Opposite of Bucket List, which is the things you want to do before you die, a Fuckit List is a list of things you don't want to do and in fact, would rather die than do. The jobs are usually tedious, boring, redundant and pointless.
Fuckit List:
1. Clean the garage.
2. Clean the gutters.
3. Install new toilet.
4. Strip and wax basement floor.
5. Remove poison ivy from back wall of garage.
6. Scrub garbage can.
Fuckit List:
1. Clean the garage.
2. Clean the gutters.
3. Install new toilet.
4. Strip and wax basement floor.
5. Remove poison ivy from back wall of garage.
6. Scrub garbage can.
Wife: "Honey, did you remember to reseal the driveway?"
Husband, watching ball game on TV: "I'll get to it.."
Friend: "Is that on your 'Honey-Do List'?"
Husband: "No, it's on my Fuckit List...it ain't gettin' done in this lifetime!"
Husband, watching ball game on TV: "I'll get to it.."
Friend: "Is that on your 'Honey-Do List'?"
Husband: "No, it's on my Fuckit List...it ain't gettin' done in this lifetime!"
by Turkey Trot July 19, 2011
Get the Fuckit Listmug. "If he thinks I'm paying this bill when it was his fault the car died, he's got another thing coming. Fugheddaboudit!
by Turkey Trot December 14, 2010
Get the Fugheddabouditmug. I need to go home to use the restroom, that ladies' room at the Wal-Mart was functified. It should be condemned by the board of health.
by Turkey Trot December 28, 2010
Get the Functifiedmug.