Telephony's definitions

telephone fruit

Bananas!
They are sometimes called the telephone fruit because if you hold one like an old-style landline (corded) telephone handset it looks as though you really *ARE* holding a landline handset (aka. a telephone "receiver").

I'm going to the store to pick up some taper powels, poliet taper, grapes, and telephone fruit.

by Telephony November 20, 2021

no perspiration

How an anal retentive buttknocker might say the phrase, "no sweat".

{Scott}: Hey Aaron, can you move that board off the lawn please?
Aaron}: Sure Scott, no perspiration!

by Telephony March 12, 2022

S&M

No, it's not sadomasochism
S&M stands for Stand & Model; some fag bars labelled as S&M bars favour the hottest-looking customers while purposefully ignoring the uglier or older ones.

The Manray in Seattle was an S&M bar -- you had to be at least reasonably attractive in order to get a drink in the joint.

by Telephony February 11, 2022

spambag

What you might call some butt wagon who deluges your email inbox with unwelcome spam email messages.

That fucking spambag keeps sending this shit about how I can make my penus rock hard and how I can buy houses for 49¢! Grrrr!!! $*@#%

by Telephony October 11, 2021

ass mallet

Another term for an asshole.

{Seen on a drone aerial video on YouTube}:

While I was flying the drone, I "heard" a jingle for Bob's Discount Furniture but with altered lyrics.
To wit:

♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics ♪
♪ From your βµṁ#Ø£€** to your ṕ€nµs

♪ Some ass mallet pee'd on a fembot!!! ♪
{~850ms pause}
♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics! ♪

by Telephony September 17, 2021

pee'd

A very common misspelling of the word, "peed" .

Josh had to go so badly, he simply pee'd behind a parked UPS truck.

by Telephony February 21, 2022

coler

{pron., "\KOH'ler\"): How some people pronounce the word, "cola" -- much how Mr. Krabs on the telly program, "SpongeBob SquarePants" pronounces the word formula as formuler.

{Brad}: Hey Sara, can you please go down to the corner store and get me a two litre bottle of Sam's cherry coler?
{Sara}: Brad, for the thousandth time, it's COLA for Christ sakes!!!

by Telephony February 23, 2022