Telephony's definitions

piddled-off

When a TV program (such as the news or other current events program) forces heavy censorship, they urge the reporters, narrators, and other crew to say something like piddled-off instead of pissed-off.

{Narrator}:
"In this video, you'll see what happens when one piddled-off idiot takes things way too far."

by Telephony December 16, 2016

piddle you!

Similar to pee you! but with a bit less of a stench. Enough to make you wrinkle your nose a little in disgust, but not nearly as much as piss you! would require.

Piddle you! This yogurt must have gone off a few days ago. Better shitcan it before somebody gets sick from it and ralfs all over our brand new carpet!

by Telephony December 18, 2016

softoff

The complete polar opposite of a hardon -- that is, when you're fucking somebody (female OR male) when your dick goes flaccid (limp) while you're still inside them.

I was cornholing this really hot dude last night, and I suddenly got a raging softoff. How fucking embarrasing!!!

by Telephony January 4, 2017

synthetic gunfire

The sound of gunfire from a handgun, rifle, automatic weapon, etc. created solely by hardware or computer software synthesis. Found most frequently in computer video game or demo choons.

No guns are fouled and no poor, innocent, helpless, defenseless bullets are damaged or destroyed when synthetic gunfire is employed.

The title zax for the Commodore Amiga video game, "Datastorm" is just loaded with synthetic gunfire! How kewl!!!

by Telephony October 20, 2015

The Toliet Song

A spoof of, "The Vagina Song" originally written by Willam Belli.
The misspelling of, "toliet" was done intentionally so that it has three syllables; it is pronounced, "toa'LYE-et".

Lyrics to The Toliet Song:

♫ Some of them are warm, Some of them are cold ♫
♫ Some are kind of scary, And this is what they're called ♫
♫ Toliiiiiet!(toliet) ♫
♫ Toliiiiieeet!(toliet) ♫
♫ They call that thing..toliet ♫
♫ Some belong to rich folk, They're really clean & bonged ♫
♫ But big or small I flush em'all ♫
♫ That's why I sing my song! ♫
♫ Toliiiiiet!(toliet) ♫
♫ Toliiiiieeet!(toliet) ♫
♫ They call that thing...toliet ♫
♫ Toliet! ♫
♫ Some smell really dirty, Like puke & shit and such ♫
♫ Some smell like a Massengill douche 'cause they've been scrubbed too much ♫
♫ Toliiiiiet!(toliet) ♫
♫ Toliiiiieeet!(toliet) ♫
♫ They call that thing...toliet ♫
♫ Toliiiiiet!(toliet) ♫
♫ Toliiiiieeet!(toliet) ♫
♫ They call that thing...toliet ♫
♫ Nothing could be finer than to pee on hard white china, in the morning! ♫

(yes, he needs to be taught how to pee IN the toliet, not ON the toliet!) :-O

by Telephony November 1, 2015

gnards

Another name for male testicles (balls, nads, nuts, gonads, etc.)

Look at that video! It shows this guy falling off a fence and landing on his gnards right on the top rail!! OUCH!!!

by Telephony November 12, 2015

synthetic hi-hats

The sound of a hi-hat (a pair of cymbals on a stand with a foot pedal that is used to open & close them; thus changing the sound that they make when struck with drumsticks) created solely by synthesizer hardware or computer software synthesis.

Most frequently heard in electronic music ("electronica" is the name of the actual musical genre).

No real hi-hats are damaged or destroyed when synthetic hi-hats are employed.

The song, "Move to the Beat" by the electronica group Monkey Zound has synthetic hi-hats in it! How kewl!

by Telephony November 14, 2015