Definitions by TLO Smudge

Mary Chipperfield 

To masterbate, crack one off, perform fist rape, date the first mate, bash the bishop, yank the plank, shake hands with the unemployed, pull a pint on the love pump attend a menage a mois and, most pertinantly, to spank the monkey.

Mary Chipperfield owns a circus and got in trouble a few years back for physically reprimanding a primate in her care.

Hot damn boy! That be good monodextrous literature! I'm off for a quick Mary Chipperfield - wheres my jizz rag?

Mary Chipperfield by TLO Smudge July 4, 2004

release tarka 

To take a dump, drop the kids off at the pool, log out, lay a cable, curl one out, crimp off a length, sink the Bismarck etc.

For the uneducated, Tarka was an otter.

For the *really* uneducated, an otter is a slick water dwelling mammal which slides gracefully into the water. Oh, and they're long and brown.

Blimey! Never should've eaten that fifth burger last night - I'm touching cloth here - mind if I nip off and release Tarka?

release tarka by TLO Smudge July 3, 2004

dutch hand grenade 

In a similar mould to the dutch oven, but the air biscuit is caught in the hand, which is then used to transport the pungent aroma as close as possible to the victim's nostrils before it is opened.

Also known as cupping.

dutch hand grenade by TLO Smudge May 11, 2004

municipal cockwash 

A remarkably easy woman with margarine thighs, the village bike

Eg. The girl at school who let anyone have a feel for ten pence.

municipal cockwash by TLO Smudge May 3, 2004

cock chopper 

A toilet seat that is mounted backward on the pan causing it to overbalance and not remain in the upright position; instead coming crashing down past the urinator creating a momentary flash of panic and misdirection.

See Ben's bathroom. Note that trains and aeroplanes have a clip mechanism to prevent this happening.

cock chopper by TLO Smudge April 30, 2004

seagulling 

To spaff on someone from a great height, usually from a tall building.

She looked up at the wrong moment and she got a hot monocle as well as a good seagulling

seagulling by TLO Smudge April 26, 2004

monodextrous literature 

a jazz mag, one handed reading material.

As he heard his mother he hurriedly stashed his monodextrous literature under the bed and hid the jizz rag.

monodextrous literature by TLO Smudge March 2, 2004