Urban Dictionary: Definitions by SilverSheilds

Loch Ness Monster

An aggressive panhandler who uses means of coercion, threats, and even violence to garner money from people. Are usually not actually homeless and are just hoping to use the money for drugs, alcohol, or gambling. See also: Bludger

Chef's dad
Say, would you kids like to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?
Stan
No, that's okay.
Chef's dad
Ooh, it must've been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of a sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the paleolithic era, comes out of the water.
Chef's mom
We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat and I said "Thomas, what on earth is that creature?!"
Thomas
It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes,-
Chef's mom
Oh, it was so scary!
Thomas
and I yelled. I said, "What do you want from us, monster?!" And the monster bent down and said, "...Uh I need about tree-fitty." a long silence follows
Kyle
What's tree-fitty?
Thomas
Three dollars and fifty cents.
Chef's mom
Tree-fitty.
Stan
He wanted money?
Thomas
That's right. I said "I ain't giving you no tree-fitty you goddamn Loch Ness monster! Get your own goddamn money!"
Chef's mom
I gave him a dollar.
Thomas
She gave him a dollar.
Chef's mom
I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar.
Thomas
Well of course he's not gonna go away, Nellie! You give him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more!

Loch Ness Monster by SilverSheilds October 6, 2022