Definitions by QuacksO
Morphy's Law
Refers to the often-experienced situation of frustration and lack of progress/advancement caused by the infamous "double-face" that so many lazy/selfish/insensitive people rapidly vacillate between, depending on current conditions --- one moment they may be robustly cheerful and agreeably open-minded, and then if someone mentions an unwelcome subject or task, they suddenly "morph" into an irritable depressed "limp rag" who does not wish to bestir himself or cooperate/assist in any way.
Morphy's Law: The level of energy/patience/good humor that someone possesses is in direct inverse proportion to the desirability of the topic under discussion, the amount of strenuous labor involved in a proposed task, etc.
Morphy's Law by QuacksO January 4, 2017
fart preview
Refers to any occasion when you feel a large bubble of gas "transfer" or "travel" from the upper part of your colon to a position somewhat lower down, but without actually exiting from your butt immediately. This gastronomical "heads up" can be extremely useful in allowing you to both adequately prepare for the eventual "eruption" and hopefully prevent any disasters/embarrassment from said expellation, since it not only notifies you that a sizable fart is imminent, but it also enables you to (1) judge the approximate size/intensity of the upcoming whizzpopper and thus determine whether you should hastily change locale to avoid offending others' ears/noses, and (2) predict what **type** of fart ("dry" or "wet 'n' messy") it will likely be, so that if necessary you can rush to the bathroom, shed your pants and underwear like they're on fire (if they aren't already smouldering from repeated extra-spicy-chili farts!), or take other appropriate steps/precautions to lessen your chance of soiling both yourself and anything else that your butt happens to be in close proximity to, such as a chair, mattress/bedclothes, someone else's lap, etc.
Girl, surprised out of a sound slumber by her guy's sudden alarmed flinging off of the bedclothes and hasty exiting of the bed: Where ya going, honeysnugglez?
Guy, calling back over his shoulder as he's sprinting for the bathroom: Sorry, sweet cheex --- didn't mean to startle ya like that, but I felt a major liquid-fart preview back there.
Girl, giggling: Well, you know, I did warn ya about partying till 2am at that Mexican all-you-can-eat bash --- now you're payin' for it, eh???
Guy, calling back over his shoulder as he's sprinting for the bathroom: Sorry, sweet cheex --- didn't mean to startle ya like that, but I felt a major liquid-fart preview back there.
Girl, giggling: Well, you know, I did warn ya about partying till 2am at that Mexican all-you-can-eat bash --- now you're payin' for it, eh???
fart preview by QuacksO January 3, 2017
family support
A sweet/innocent-sounding term for frequent/ongoing financial handouts that one or more mooching relatives (such as adult-children or nephews/nieces) request/expect from one or more fiscally-solvent/responsible relatives (such as parents, grandparents, or aunts/uncles), step-relatives, or in-laws.
Disgusted step-father: Boy, when I agreed to a "family support" clause in the prenup, it never occurred to me that I'd be expected to actually FINANCIALLY SUPPORT my apathetic step-daughter and her lazy good-for-nothing live-in boyfriend! They act like they love and appreciate me, but I know they really only view me as a walking ATM!
family support by QuacksO January 2, 2017
It's not my problem
What you say when someone else asks for your help with a so-called "emergency". While this response may indeed be fully valid/appropriate in cases where the asker is unreasonably seeking assistance and/or should be seeking said assistance elsewhere, it unfortunately can also be abused, wherein the speaker may be wrongfully denying the asker reasonable or "Golden Rule" help --- in other words, the same type/degree of assistance that HE HIMSELF would logically expect from others if HE had a similar unexpected crisis in his OWN life.
Stranded motorist: Thanks so much for coming out in the rain to give me a jump-start, Buddy! Bless your heart!
Redneck hippie in an ancient Ford F-150: No problemmo, Dude --- it's only what I'd want myself if I was in this same situation. I'm just sorry you walked all that distance to ask me for help... there's a fairly well-off family who lives a good quarter-mile nearer here than I do, and they have several nice vehicles that they could have helped you with.
Motorist: Yeah, well I actually DID ask there, and the smooth-skinned older hombre who came to the door with a TV-remote in his hand just told me curtly, "It's not my problem --- you should have remembered to turn off your headlights."
Redneck: Really?!?? Well, that totally SUX --- I guess HE'S just never had any problems like this, and so he doesn't know that errors like that can happen to anyone!
Redneck hippie in an ancient Ford F-150: No problemmo, Dude --- it's only what I'd want myself if I was in this same situation. I'm just sorry you walked all that distance to ask me for help... there's a fairly well-off family who lives a good quarter-mile nearer here than I do, and they have several nice vehicles that they could have helped you with.
Motorist: Yeah, well I actually DID ask there, and the smooth-skinned older hombre who came to the door with a TV-remote in his hand just told me curtly, "It's not my problem --- you should have remembered to turn off your headlights."
Redneck: Really?!?? Well, that totally SUX --- I guess HE'S just never had any problems like this, and so he doesn't know that errors like that can happen to anyone!
It's not my problem by QuacksO January 1, 2017
Russian girlfriend
This is "lovely sensual woman" who "loves your unconditional" and is "wishing supreme to with be you", if you can "send just funds to be the assistance to me for expense airplane ticket". (Variation is some hot spicy curvaceous little number who is either from your local area but is currently stranded in West Africa and therefore just needs you to Western Union some money to her to get a visa/green card/plane ticket to return home, or is currently doing humanitarian work in Nigeria/Ghana, and also just needs a few {{{hundred!}}} dollars to get a plane ticket to come to the USA and be your lover/companion/obedient wife.
I'm the luckiest guy in the world... I've got a super-hot Russian girlfriend who just needs 1200 U.S. dollars to come to America to be with me forever!!! Right --- and I've also got a bridge to sell you, plus some swampland you might be interested in. :P
Russian girlfriend by QuacksO December 26, 2016
ejection seat
Refers to a static-electricity-prone outhouse-throne, whereby if you move around too much on the seat in an effort to squeeze out all the poop, the friction of your clothing rubbing on the wood/plastic/porcelain may cause a spark that detonates the accumulated methane in the pit underneath you and explosively goes off like a cannon, forcibly ejecting you out through the roof of the outhouse, That's why some outhouses are built so tall, to give you somewhat of a "buffer zone" overhead so that hopefully the force of the blast will be sufficiently dissipated before it propels you very high.
City slicker, looking disgustedly at the super-primitive outhouse at his country-cousin's out-in-the-sticks property: Hey, what's with the mattress duct-taped to the ceiling and the clamshell-hinged roof -panels???
Country cousin: Oh, that's just in case the ejection seat goes off unexpectedly... this wire and wrist-strap is to hopefully dissipate static electricity build-up sufficiently, though... you put it on when you're poopin', and take it ff again when you're done.
Country cousin: Oh, that's just in case the ejection seat goes off unexpectedly... this wire and wrist-strap is to hopefully dissipate static electricity build-up sufficiently, though... you put it on when you're poopin', and take it ff again when you're done.
ejection seat by QuacksO December 26, 2016
third-degree fart
Unlike a mildly-to-moderately-heated first- or second-degree fart that may merely cause minor reddening and/or blistering, this term refers to a super-hot expellation of concentrated putrid methane that not only broils Uranus and singes your butthole-hairs on the way out, but it also scorches the thigh/knee of any unfortunate fellow human being who happens to be unsuspectingly holding you on his lap at the time! It is wise, therefore, to be constantly "aware" of your colon's current "status" or "progression" of fart-activity whenever you're canoodling with someone, so that if you "feel one on the way", you can hastily hop off (here's one case where your lover most definitely **won't** think you rude or anti-social when you abruptly/wordlessly bounce up off his lap) and direct your posteriors away from your snuggle-buddy, anyone else within a fifty-foot radius, and of course, any source of fire (yes, farts are VERY MUCH flammable!), such as the outdoor grille that's currently frying up another big batch of the same beans 'n' hot wings that made you have the awful flatulence in the first place.
Redneck chick: I don't wanna have any interruption of the romantic snuggle-time with my hopefully-future-husband at our family's backyard barbecue this evening, so I'd better not partake of any of that rich spicy stuff that always gives me the third-degree farts!
third-degree fart by QuacksO December 26, 2016