Definitions by QuacksO
"ghost writer" AUTHORity
Rampant in "chain of command" situations --- especially the military and "mega-biz" establishments --- whereby everybody wants to push underlings around but then hastily "passes the buck" and claims ignorance/innocence when things go sour. Refers to the deplorable practice of an arrogant/dictatorial/irresponsible/ignorant a**h**e with way too much power ("authority") giving unwise/ineffective/counter-productive orders to one or more hapless underlings, brusquely refusing to listen to their urgently-beseeching appeals about the fallacy/unfairness/danger of proceeding as he told them, but then suddenly shedding all knowledge/responsibility (i.e., not admitting that he was indeed the "author" of those crazy stipulations) regarding said preposterous directives whenever s**t hits the fan afterwards as a result of his subordinates' having reluctantly-but-obediently carried out his unwisely-mandated actions.
I long ago decided to not just blindly/arbitrarily follow orders/rules/laws, no matter what position or experience or education/training that their "authors" happened to supposedly possess... I **always** use my own judgement/conscience in all my actions. Too many times in the past, I've gotten in knee-deep doo-doo MYSELF for someone else's screw-ups in reasoning/planning, only to have said "idiot in power" pull da ol' "ghost writer" AUTHORity trick on me, never admitting or even falsely denying ever having told me to proceed that way, just so that HE would not have to suffer any of the fallout from his own preposterous directives.
"ghost writer" AUTHORity by QuacksO August 25, 2018
favorable-desk scramble
Refers to where you unexpectedly get a whole string of several newly-composed UD definitions approved right off, and so you realize that the currently-online submission-judgers are apparently a more-receptive "desk" (as in, "it all depends on whose desk you land on") than the overly-critical/humorless a**h**es who seem to be typically present, and who often heartlessly/flippantly reject many of your perfectly-good and well-worded definitions in favor of stupid/negative/gross/disgusting/smutty submissions that aren't the least bit clever or funny, and which are riddled with misspellings, poor grammar, lousy/unclear wording, etc. So you hastily delve back into your "archives" of previously-rejected definitions and re-submit some of them, in the hopes that these more-fair-minded judgers are still the ones who are "watching" for new submissions, and thus they will approve this latest "crop" from you, as well.
I always try to perform the favorable-desk scramble whenever I have a chance; it's allowed me to get most of my definitions published, some of which I'd been waiting on for months.
favorable-desk scramble by QuacksO August 25, 2018
the American way vs. the economical way
A sickeningly-glaring comparison of da wasteful nature of many of us "lucky duckies" in da good ol' You-Ess-of-Ay", as opposed to how much cheaper we could accomplish simple stuff if we just paused a moment and used our heads for something besides a hat-rack! Don't even get me **started** on THIS one...!
The American way vs. the economical way "just to change a light bulb" in your Christmas-tree string:
The American way: Freak out, then hop in your CAR, DRIVE to da nearest WAL-MART, BUY a 0%!$@#& ENTIRE PACKAGE OF BULBS, DRIVE back home, remove ONE BULB to replace da spent bulb, and then toss da rest of da bulbs in a junk-drawer, where it'll never see da light of day for decades, whereupon you'll sell it for a quarter at a yard sale! (Note --- extra points if you later discover dat you actually STILL HAD da small bag of spare bulbs dat originally came wif da light string! :P) Total cost: $11 ($8 for da bulbs, $3 for travel-gas)!!
The economical way: Coolly notice da burned-out bulb, then calmly consider your options... first, see if you might actually have a few spare bulbs around; if there isn't a small bag of dem in da box dat da string came in, do you have another light-string you aren't using, and that you could temporarily "borrow" a bulb from? And if not, just don your coat/boots, then take a leisurely stroll around town, looking for homes/stores dat use da same kind of bulb for their own light-strings; go ask these folks if they have any extra bulbs dat came with their light-strings, and if you could purchase one for 25 cents. Or go to da local thrift-store and ask if they have any old/broken light-strings in their rummage-bins dat you could buy cheap, or scrounge for discarded light-strings at da dump. Total cost: ZILCH --- or at most maybe fifty cents for da bulbs!
The American way: Freak out, then hop in your CAR, DRIVE to da nearest WAL-MART, BUY a 0%!$@#& ENTIRE PACKAGE OF BULBS, DRIVE back home, remove ONE BULB to replace da spent bulb, and then toss da rest of da bulbs in a junk-drawer, where it'll never see da light of day for decades, whereupon you'll sell it for a quarter at a yard sale! (Note --- extra points if you later discover dat you actually STILL HAD da small bag of spare bulbs dat originally came wif da light string! :P) Total cost: $11 ($8 for da bulbs, $3 for travel-gas)!!
The economical way: Coolly notice da burned-out bulb, then calmly consider your options... first, see if you might actually have a few spare bulbs around; if there isn't a small bag of dem in da box dat da string came in, do you have another light-string you aren't using, and that you could temporarily "borrow" a bulb from? And if not, just don your coat/boots, then take a leisurely stroll around town, looking for homes/stores dat use da same kind of bulb for their own light-strings; go ask these folks if they have any extra bulbs dat came with their light-strings, and if you could purchase one for 25 cents. Or go to da local thrift-store and ask if they have any old/broken light-strings in their rummage-bins dat you could buy cheap, or scrounge for discarded light-strings at da dump. Total cost: ZILCH --- or at most maybe fifty cents for da bulbs!
the American way vs. the economical way by QuacksO August 25, 2018
nominal embrace
Refers to a merely “in name only” type of hug that you give someone whom you do not actually have romantic/affectionate feelings toward, but are just “going through the motions” to be polite/agreeable.
There are various reasons why one might administer a nominal embrace; the most common situations might be (A) you are giving the other person a proxy hug as a favor for someone else, or (B) you are at a party, wedding, or other social gathering where “everyone is doing it” --- i.e., giving a hug --- to one or more “special” attendees, such as the hostess, "birthday boy/girl", the newlyweds, etc., or (C) the huggee is either mentally challenged and thus craves “cuddly attention” from everyone around him, or he is presently going through a rough time in his life, and thus he needs all the emotional support he can get.
nominal embrace by QuacksO August 24, 2018
pay off the principal
Not to be confused with the shrewdly-prudent and virtuously-responsible practice of diligently settling your bills "up front and in full" and therefore carrying a zero balance (i.e., your "principle") on your credit card each month to avoid interest-fees, this term refers to the decidedly UNWISE and UNFAIR act of BRIBING (i.e., "paying off") the head-honcho at an establishment of learning (i.e., the "principal"), so that he'll kiss-buttingly bow to your outrageous stipulations and/or preferentially pull strings on your behalf, often to the detriment of others in the school.
Probably Ethan Couch's absurdly-indulgent father initially tried to pay off the principal so that his spoiled-a** Little Prince could be coddled and given unduly-preferential treatment, but then when this failed, he upped the ante by threatening to buy the entire school just so that Ethan could be tutored the way HE preferred him to be.
pay off the principal by QuacksO August 22, 2018
Asplundher
The big load of fragrant wood-chips that the tree-service guys drive home with after each workday of trimming roadside vegetation.
If you ask super-nicely, the tree-trimming crew may dump their humongous load of Asplundher in your yard, so that you can use it for spreading on pathways; it saves them from having to drive all the way to the dump to offload the chips.
Asplundher by QuacksO August 22, 2018