assordid

Used to describe details that are both numerous and “juicy”, but which are not suitable to discuss in front of ladies or children. Usually uttered in an uncomplimentary context, where the speaker feels revulsion or disgust, or is upset with the loose-tongued “reporter” for not having more discretion in what details he is choosing to divulge.

Clueless guy: Wow, you should see the awesome collection of secret-fantasy toys that Barry has! He’s got zebra-striped-fur-lined handcuffs, a gold-plated whipped-cream dispenser, stainless-steel-studded black-leather collars and belts with ---“

Squeamish dude: Uggghhhhh… TMI, Bud! Spare me the assordid details!

by QuacksO November 23, 2011

expected-ettiquette easement

What one person temporarily grants another due to their both always being super-respectful/thoughtful towards each other, and so da person granting said obligation-suspension --- in gratitude for the other person's always thinking of his friend's feelings/desires above his own, just as da favor-giver himself diligently does for da second person --- wants to allow da favored individual extra relaxation, comfort, calmness, etc., by letting him do/have more than his share of whatever easy/enjoyable activity or resource dat he is currently partaking of.

One "prime 'n' pleasant" example of expected-ettiquette easement would be if two cool dudes are in love wif da same adorable hot chick, and one of dem is snuggling naked wif her in bed wif his head contentedly nestled on her warm chest, wif his face buried between her tits. Then da second guy comes along and is considerately asked by da first one if he wants a turn at ear-nuzzling da gal's heavenly-soft chest-pillowz, whereupon said second Mr. Snuggly --- feeling "all warm and fuzzy" himself at his friend's selfless offering to "give up his ultimate-pleasure spot" in order to share da lovely velvety-fleshed damsel's luscious body wif his buddy --- good-naturedly waves off said feelings-sensitive proffering ("Nah, you're fine, Pal --- juss' lie still and relax --- because I'm a nice guy, I'll forgo my own luscious-protoplasm cravings for da time being, and let you stay there and enjoy yourself more, especially since YOU'RE such a nice guy to always think of MY feelings like that!"), and instead allows da currently-contentedly-cuddling dude to maintain his dreamily-enjoyable position, while he himself merely crawls in bed next to da gal from da other side, and then just quietly spoons up against her for a while.

by QuacksO March 13, 2024

snooze-cement

That completely invisible but annoyingly effective "glue" that always seems to form between two bedfellows who are cuddling "sans-clothing", creating a damp and tacky "skin-to-skin" bond which becomes (often painfully!) apparent only when either snoozer attempts to turn over or otherwise change position; this is especially a problem on warm nights and/or if one or both slumberers is of the "corpulent" variety.

Chubby girl: Ouch --- WATCH it, Mr. Sticky Man! You're pinching my boobie and stretching my underarm-flaps!
Half-asleep guy: Huhhh...? Oh, sorry, hunny --- it's that yucky snooze-cement again.

by QuacksO November 17, 2011

favorable-desk scramble

Refers to where you unexpectedly get a whole string of several newly-composed UD definitions approved right off, and so you realize that the currently-online submission-judgers are apparently a more-receptive "desk" (as in, "it all depends on whose desk you land on") than the overly-critical/humorless a**h**es who seem to be typically present, and who often heartlessly/flippantly reject many of your perfectly-good and well-worded definitions in favor of stupid/negative/gross/disgusting/smutty submissions that aren't the least bit clever or funny, and which are riddled with misspellings, poor grammar, lousy/unclear wording, etc. So you hastily delve back into your "archives" of previously-rejected definitions and re-submit some of them, in the hopes that these more-fair-minded judgers are still the ones who are "watching" for new submissions, and thus they will approve this latest "crop" from you, as well.

I always try to perform the favorable-desk scramble whenever I have a chance; it's allowed me to get most of my definitions published, some of which I'd been waiting on for months.

by QuacksO August 25, 2018

crap table

Refers to any debris-cluttered horizontal-topped item of furniture normally used for dining, writing/drawing, repairing/constructing, etc.

You can often tell the difference between a bachelor-pad and a couple/family-apartment simply by glancing around to observe how stuff is arranged --- if there's a lady in the house, everything will generally be neat and orderly, whereas a guy who lives alone will likely have at least one crap table where the flotsam and jetsam of typical everyday single-dude existence tends to gravitate to and then never see the light of day for months... he simply tosses his randomly-acquired tidbits there because at the time the items seem too precious/possibly-useful to discard, but then when he eventually has to rummage through his "treasures" to find some solitary item he put there six months ago, he face-palmingly wonders why he ever held onto most of the crap in the first place (extra points if he thought to drag over a wastebasket before beginning his "attack" on the pile).

by QuacksO February 5, 2018

lollappaloosa

A super-impressive dapple-coated horse.

Da "cookies 'n' cream" horse-breed has long been used for racing, and so there are plenty of "lollappaloosa" entries in da equine hall of fame!

by QuacksO July 11, 2023

You'll find out when we get there

A child/teenager's most dreaded words to hear when travelling in the car driven by an irate/irritated parent or other authority-figure, and having asked either "Where are we going?" or "What are you going to do?" This hotly-uttered reply indicates that the adult is either feeling guilt-ridden about the fairness/appropriateness of whatever horrid/torturous action(s) are scheduled for the trembling youngster, or else he does not wish to debate/argue about whatever is in store for said wretched passenger, and so he does not want to reveal the details until the last minute.

When a parent/grownup snaps, "You'll find out when we get there!", usually it means one of four things:
(1) You'll be sent to either a doctor for painful/invasive "treatment", or suffer a long/boring lecture with one or more emotionless preachy counselors who don't seem to truly listen or even care about you personally.
(2) You'll be forced to perform one or more difficult/unpleasant/exhausting tasks.
(3) You'll be compelled to spend hours with one or more fellow humans who are of exceedingly undesirable-to-you nature, and/or who will be super-strict with you, feed you insipid/minuscule meals, forbid/severely limit fun activities, etc.
(4) You'll be subjected to horrendous punishment/discipline of some sort. Keep in mind, however, that physical punishment has been outlawed in many areas and is now widely frowned upon, so hopefully you will not actually get beaten, slapped, or otherwise physically traumatized. You may, however, be made to publicly apologize to a lot of people, stand for hours on a street-corner with a huge "I like to ___ whatever misbehavior you're accused of" sign, etc. Be sure to keep notes, take photos/video, and/or otherwise document all events as they occur, however; not only will this make your tormentors reluctant to incriminate themselves by "going too far" in their harshness, but it will also give you proof to file formal complaints with appropriate authorities afterwards if you feel that your treatment was undeserved/illegal/excessive.

by QuacksO July 9, 2018