QuacksO's definitions

testimoany

Exaggerated /overly-dramatic court-statements given by one or more somewhat-less-than-honest "witnesses", and which they heavily embellish with lots of whiny wheezes and crocodile-tears-drenched sighs.

Unfortunately, this strategy can actually be surprisingly effective in convincing a judge/jury of a defendant's guilt, especially if the "witness" is female --- last I heard, there are untold multitudes of totally-innocent men in prison right now --- some even on death row --- who are there merely because of the lying testimoany of some attention-seeking/money-hungry b***h and a few of her equally-conscience-impaired hussy-cronies!

by QuacksO December 25, 2018

testimony payments

Regularly-doled-out amounts of cash paid to someone as reimbursement for his "cooperative" court-related actions, either for his providing false/exaggerated trial-statements to make the cases run in favor of the "benefactor", or as "hush money" to KEEP the person FROM testifying AGAINST his "benefactor".

A couple months ago I was a witness to a shoplifting where the police were called, so I secretly spoke with the thieves and offered to keep quiet about what I'd seen if they would each slip me fifty bucks a month for the next three years. They willingly agreed, but as of now I have yet to receive one red cent of my promised testimony payments.

by QuacksO December 25, 2018

testimoney

Refers to one or more cash-bribes paid to someone who is willing to lie in court on behalf of his/her "benefactor", either to get said cash-flasher off the hook for a crime that he did indeed commit, or to wrongfully convict someone else who either is completely innocent or could not have been expected to behave differently from how he acted (i.e, he has a physical/mental disability, he'd had no idea whatsoever that he was doing other than what was acceptable, there were extenuating circumstances and/or there was "more to the story" than the plaintiffs were letting on, etc.).

If you are sufficiently attractive and/or possess a sufficiently-convincing manner, you may not need to seek "regular" employment --- you may be able to subsist very comfortably on the testimoney of others who need a "vindicating/corroborating witness".

by QuacksO December 26, 2018

catch-and-release

1. A legal way for sadists to inflict pain and injury on a fragile defenseless living creature. How would YOU like it if someone offered you a morsel of food when you were hungry, only to gleefully drive a big ol’ BARBED SPIKE through your cheek as you trustingly bit down on said tasty tidbit, and THEN just clumsily yank out the torture-device and toss you back out on your ear without even bothering to bandage you up?!?!??? I would **never** do anything like this, nor can I see how there could possibly be any legitimate pleasure in it --- for mercy’s sakes! --- unless you’re planning on keeping da meat, LET DA POOR FISH ALONE TO SWIM IN PEACE! If you aren’t planning to sell your catch or fry it up for dinner, leave your fishin’ poles at home, fer cryin’ out loud!
2. What “bad boys” wish da cops would “do when they come for you”, rather than arresting the troublemakers after a lengthy pursuit.
3. What a selfish or ”shallow” person does whenever he “plays the field”.

I keep my friends “for life” --- if you treat me right, I will always “be there for you” (i.e., give you emotional support, come and pick you up if you get stranded somewhere, unclog your toilet and otherwise lend you a hand as needed, etc.). I never practice “catch-and-release”, even if things don’t work out romantically between us.

by QuacksO December 26, 2018

Don I(nfa)m(o)us

What da famous feminine-hairstyle-bashing talk-show host has become due to his racist/slanderous remarks and surly persona.

With all da horrible verbal crimes he committed, I am frankly astonished that Don I(nfa)m(o)us was allowed to remain on da air!

by QuacksO December 26, 2018

BCB

Stands for "Before CB", and refers to the period before CB radios became popular.

I used to have to stop at a pay-phone if I wanted to speak with any of my fellow truckin' buddies; that was way back BCB.

by QuacksO December 28, 2018

Imus Patton

Imus Patton

Da notorious tough-as-nails four-star general who was temporarily relieved of his duty for referring to his battle-weary-and-disheveled soldiers as "nappy-headed hoes".

If Imus Patton had watched his mouth as well as he strategized his battles, he might have led the Normandy invasion instead of being withdrawn from combat due to his verbal misconduct.

by QuacksO December 28, 2018