13 definitions by One Stark Reality

A form of visual "hypnosis" used to make people think, at first glance and hopefully longer, that you are more attractive than you actually are through the use of:

- a thong bikini bottom or g-string
- thong panties
- thong straps that conspicuously protrude from the waistline of a pair of jeans.

The goal is to divert attention from one's plain or unattractive face, or otherwise unattractive body. This purposeful deception falls between "accentuating the positives" of one's appearance and actually undergoing cosmetic surgery or liposuction.

This technique is more "equal opportunity" than boobnosis or legnosis (which are so DNA dependent) because of the woman's willingness to bare her butt in public. This carries a lot of weight with men.

The butt in question can actually be somewhat flat, large, or even slightly flabby, but these negative characteristics may be somewhat discounted as long as it is uncovered. A very attractive butt, of course, greatly enhances the overall thongnosis effect.

"There were three chicks at the pool party using thongnosis to try and attract guys. However, once they took a long, second look, the thongnosis was dispelled and they were not duped by the subterfuge. I hope those chicks don't become future cougars."
by One Stark Reality April 11, 2008
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Usually known by the acronym SIF, a secret internet fatty posts photographs of themselves on social networking sites that are purposely shot so as to disguise their obesity. Classic examples usually include a combination of:

- close-up head or face shots

- extremely high or overhead camera angles

- low-key lighting and possibly actual image manipulation.

Women often show cleavage, or employ boobnosis, as a secondary deception.

Since most men have booblevision to begin with, they rarely pause to consider that the SIF in question could shrink one to three WHOLE bra cup sizes if they ever lost the excess fat. Obviously going from a D cup to an A cup would render the formerly outstanding bust line moot.

(In this same vein, a woman writer once quipped, "When I'm a size six, I can get into my favorite jeans. When I'm a size fourteen, I finally have the bust line that I always wanted in high school.") 'Nuff said?

Secret internet fatties come in two basic groups: those who want to lose weight, and those who won't do what is necessary to lose weight (choosing instead to refer to themselves by outrageous euphemisms such as: "fluffy", "juicy", "big boned", "pleasingly plump", or "BBW". Star Jones is their poster child).

To the first group, I would suggest having your thyroid gland checked out by a medical doctor who knows something about nutrition and does not dismiss naturopathic remedies. Eat enough medium to low calorie foods to feel full, and have a few colonics to insure proper nutrient absorption. If you have been genetically hosed by your family's DNA, you're going to have to put extra effort into whatever you do. Surgery may be an option, but there is NO substitute for regular exercise.

To the second group I ask, who do you think you are fooling? As Jeff Foxworthy observed about large women wearing Spandex, "If your bottom looks like two raccoons wrestling around in a fifty pound sack of feed, you are NOT 'juicy'!"
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SexyLexie is a self-proclaimed "MySpace hottie" but Kip Dynamite wants a full body shot to prove she's not just another secret internet fatty with delusions of grandeur.
by One Stark Reality September 17, 2009
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Father's Day in the ghetto.

LBJ's "War on Poverty" was a $5,000,000,000,000.00 boondoggle that destroys black families to this very day.

Maury: "In our seemingly endless series on mass confusion, Boomsheeka 'Miss Thang' Chickenheader is about to find out the results of her 87th paternity test."

Boomsheeka: "This is gonna be the one Maury; I am sure this time. D'tronne is definitely the father."

Maury: (thinking to himself that he needs to get a REAL job) "D'tronne... is NOT the father!"

Boomsheeka: "Aiiiyeeeee!" (runs backsatge and slides down wall)

by One Stark Reality May 17, 2008
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A form of visual "hypnosis" used to make people think, at first glance and hopefully longer, that you are more attractive than you actually are through the use of long, shapely legs coupled with:

- short skirts
- short shorts (aka Daisy Dukes)
- high heels
- eye-catching stockings, tights or pantyhose.

The goal is to divert attention from one's plain or unattractive face, or otherwise unattractive body. This purposeful deception falls between "accentuating the positives" of one's appearance and actually undergoing cosmetic surgery or liposuction.
"Those Coco Loco skanks always show up on weekends and use legnosis to try and attract guys. However, once the guys take a long, second look, the legnosis is dispelled and they are not duped by the subterfuge. Pudgy or ditzy, with too much make-up, I hope those skanks don't become skankasaurus-rexes."
by One Stark Reality April 11, 2008
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A form of visual "hypnosis" used to make people think, at first glance and hopefully longer, that you are more attractive than you actually are through the use of:

-a great abundance of beautiful hair (either long, "big", or both).

The goal is to divert attention from one's plain or unattractive face, or unattractive body. This purposeful deception falls between "accentuating the positives" of one's appearance and actually undergoing cosmetic surgery or liposuction.

When Meredith thinks that her powers of hairnosis are fading, she goes to a salon and spends 150 dollars for a "recharge." However, once guys take a long, second look, the hairnosis is dispelled and they are not duped by the subterfuge.

by One Stark Reality April 11, 2008
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A male-oriented restaurant where the servers' bodacious, natural cleavage is never on the menu--but always in voluminous supply. Daisy Dukes in various forms (denim, khaki, Lycra) function to round out the servers' assets.

Openly admiring these women is an unspoken, but completely sanctioned, activity by all parties involved: owners, managers, servers, and patrons.

(With apologies to Yoda), "The force of booblevision is strong yes?"

Breastaurants are in a class by themselves. They are certainly above the mainstream in terms of atmosphere, but will never be considered fine dining by pretentious elitists who value "ambiance" (pronounced OM-bee-ahnse) over ample portions of, well... everything.

Breastaurant atmosphere is both fun and titillating. It gives new meaning to the phrase: "Let's head to the mountains!" Likewise, the food is a carnivore's delight.

As such, breastaurants send out a vibe that wards off feminists, vegans, and queer men in a TWO block radius.

See also: brestaurant, breastraunt.
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The Metroplex area really has it going on when it comes to breastaurant selection.

Between Twin Peaks, Bone Daddy's and Hooters, one can keep abreast of some of the finest female forms that America has to offer world humanity. Breastaurants should be declared "UNESCO World Heritage" sites.

UNESCO DELEGATE: "I agree! Twins, twins everywhere, it's a bodacious breastacular!

In my country of Crapistan the waitresses all wear BURQAS for Pete's sake! Oy vey."
by One Stark Reality May 26, 2009
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(sub-variant of hairnosis)

A form of visual "hypnosis" used to make people think, at first glance and hopefully longer, that you are more attractive than you actually are through the use of:



- a great abundance of natural blonde hair,

or, more often,

- a great abundance of bleached blonde hair.



The goal is to divert attention from one's plain or unattractive face, or unattractive body. This purposeful deception falls between "accentuating the positives" of one's appearance and actually undergoing cosmetic surgery or liposuction.

Brunettes and redheads think that women who use blondenosis are stupid and fake (but not as stupid as the guys who are deceived by it).

Brunette at party: "Can't that cute guy see that fake blonde for what she is?"

Redhead at party: "Only if he snaps out of the blondenosis by taking a long, second look."

by One Stark Reality April 11, 2008
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