Monkey's Dad's definitions

homebody

Any human being lucky enough to have a home.

In 2020, most people living on earth, confined to their home in an effort to slow the global COVID-19 pandemic.

Once a girl-about-town, today she had become a homebody, like everyone.

by Monkey's Dad April 4, 2020

Please! Thank you!

The words spoken by George Floyd to Derek Chauvin and his fellow officers as Floyd was being arrested and killed on May 25, 2020.

"Please! Thank you!" said Floyd, as one of the officers offered to get into the back seat of the squad car with him, after Floyd expressed his extreme claustrophobia. "Please!" said Floyd, as Chauvin knelt on his neck, suffocating the life from him, "Please! I can't breathe!"

by Monkey's Dad April 20, 2021

pharmatheology

An unquestioning faith in commercially-manufactured, doctor-prescribed and psychologically-addictive medication as the answer to every perceived or imagined problem.

He could not live without his many pills every day. One allowed him to sleep, another quelled his anxiety, a third lifted his depression, others liberated or inhibited his bodily functions, lowered his cholesterol, regulated his heartbeat, soothed his aches, sharpened his vision, slowed his cognitive decline, boosted his testosterone, lowered his blood pressure, increased his immunity, banished unwelcome thoughts, made him feel normal. They interacted to grant him life - so he had been instructed by those selling them, and so he faithfully accepted, a devout disciple of pharmatheology.

by Monkey's Dad June 5, 2023

mythmatician

A person employed by the current administration to produce impressive figures supporting every false claim, from the crowd size at the inauguration, to the minimally-projected cases of coronavirus,

At yet another ginned-up campaign rally, the incumbent shouted huge numbers, concocted by his mythmatician, as proof that he was universally loved, admired and supported.

by Monkey's Dad February 29, 2020

Intentionality

As taught in law school: A dog knows the difference between being kicked and being tripped over.

Perhaps the most vital component of trust and forgiveness, the factor of having committed an act inadvertently or willfully.

Although she felt hurt, she waited to respond, needing first to weigh the intentionality of his actions.

by Monkey's Dad February 26, 2020

Nineteen-0-scuse me

When you forget what century you are living in, a graceful out.

"At the rate I'm going, I should get there by Nineteen-0-scuse me", she offered, on her way to California, pedaling her stationary bike for all she was worth.

by Monkey's Dad June 29, 2023

online carbon dating

Googling the person you have just met to try to find their age.

"Ok", she began, "so he like, asked me out, but I mean, when I like, asked if he was like, into "Cheer" he dropped Ted Danson, Kirstie Alley and, like, Shelley Long and I mean like, whose great-grandparents are they??? So I gotta do some online carbon dating first."

by Monkey's Dad October 26, 2020