Definitions by McCririck's unlucky Laundress
Flatter than a witch's tit
Adjective. Extremely flat. A witch is traditionally considered not to be the model of fertility and, as such to be less than buxom.
Norfolk is a very windy county but that is not surprising -it is flatter than a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.
Flatter than a witch's tit by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Milk of amnesia
Noun: Alcohol. A drink which, if consumed in sufficient quantities makes you forget large episodes of your life. A popular phrase due to its assonance with the patent medicine 'Milk of Magnesia'.
"...and while dancing you unzipped her dress and pulled it to the floor. Then you pissed in the bride's champagne glass and honked up all over the cake."
"Yes, I remember every bit of that. Just tell me how come I woke up this morning in the driver's seat of my car outside my house?"
"Put it down to the milk of amnesia."
"Yes, I remember every bit of that. Just tell me how come I woke up this morning in the driver's seat of my car outside my house?"
"Put it down to the milk of amnesia."
Milk of amnesia by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
permatan
The condition of a white person having tanned skin all the year round. There are two forms:
1) Rock star; TV personality; model; other wealthy person to whom an appearance of wellbeing is an inherent part of their lifestyle. Condition obtained by chasing the Summer round the globe. Looks natural.
2) Chav; trailer trash; mediocre prostitute; middle-aged woman who wears leather trousers. Condition obtained through roasting one's skin under a UV lamp. Result looks a bizarre shade of orange and ages the skin prematurely.
1) Rock star; TV personality; model; other wealthy person to whom an appearance of wellbeing is an inherent part of their lifestyle. Condition obtained by chasing the Summer round the globe. Looks natural.
2) Chav; trailer trash; mediocre prostitute; middle-aged woman who wears leather trousers. Condition obtained through roasting one's skin under a UV lamp. Result looks a bizarre shade of orange and ages the skin prematurely.
Jason "What's that big white ring among the wrinkles on the side of your neck?"
Shaz "Oh shit! I forgot to take my giant hoop earrings off when I was getting my permatan."
Shaz "Oh shit! I forgot to take my giant hoop earrings off when I was getting my permatan."
permatan by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
JMT
A true story follows.
White, British people looking at their invitations: "I've been here over an hour. Are you sure we've got the right church?"
Pastor, of Caribbean origin: "What you folks doin' here? Bride ain't even be in her dress yet."
White, British people looking at their invitations: "But it says two o'clock."
Pastor, of Caribbean origin: "Chill it my friends. We run tings on JMT. Soon come, soon come."
White, British people looking at their invitations: "I've been here over an hour. Are you sure we've got the right church?"
Pastor, of Caribbean origin: "What you folks doin' here? Bride ain't even be in her dress yet."
White, British people looking at their invitations: "But it says two o'clock."
Pastor, of Caribbean origin: "Chill it my friends. We run tings on JMT. Soon come, soon come."
JMT by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Bois de Colliers
Proper noun: Pretentious form of Colliers Wood, a naff suburb of south west London. Pronounced with a perfect French accent (bwa de coll-yay) and used in a mocking way about people who live there and overrate the place. See also Croùch End, Battercia, Pengé.
"You're from Wimbledon? My English friend lives in Bois de Colliers! Maybe you know her."
"Actually, I never mix with fatuous, social-climbing champagne socialists.
"Actually, I never mix with fatuous, social-climbing champagne socialists.
Bois de Colliers by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
rough as a badger's arse
Adjective: Very rough, either literally, as in an unshaven gentleman's chin or figuratively as in uncivilised or things or behaviour.
"The people who moved in next door have parked their tarmac wagon across our drive again and stolen all the apples off our tree."
"Good gracious, they're as rough as a badger's arse."
"Good gracious, they're as rough as a badger's arse."
rough as a badger's arse by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Pomgolia
New Zealand term of abuse for Britain, reflecting the terrifying, dangerous wasteland that it has become. Used by British expatriates who have moved to NZ. Pom = Australian & NZ slang for a British person + suffix suggesting Mongolia, windblown desert area of Asia, renowned for its banditry, unpleasant climate and remoteness from civilisation.
An Auckland conversation I overheard:
Gregg: Do you think you'll ever go back to the UK, Dad?
Gregg's dad: What? Pomgolia? Not fucking likely, not after last time. I'm leaving that disgusting shit hole behind me.
Gregg: Do you think you'll ever go back to the UK, Dad?
Gregg's dad: What? Pomgolia? Not fucking likely, not after last time. I'm leaving that disgusting shit hole behind me.
Pomgolia by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005