hi :)

Who knew such a simple word and smiley face could turn me on so much

Literally any girl on the internet: hi :)
Me: Fuck why did she say that, now I have a huge massive hard on

Also me: *breaks the 4th wall* yeah I know it's a 'me' problem

by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian June 30, 2021

Sirius XM

Some worthless music streaming service also dubbed "radio" that caters mainly towards middle-aged conservative Americans (i.e. none of those reading this definition).

I've noticed that many companies like to give away free Sirius XM subscriptions in exchange for trying out their products/services, but unless you're into classic rock or sports, it's worth absolutely nothing for those that fall outside its main demographic. Don't even think about trying it. Just use Spotify or Tidal.

Friend 1: Hey I bought a PS5 and they gave me 3 months of Sirius XM for free, you want it?
Friend 2: Ew no, that's like Spotify but for boomers

by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian November 13, 2023

At least I'm not into anal sex

A statement of truth which asserts that nothing (vis-à-vis kinks & fetishes) is objectively weirder or repulsive than anal sex.

Imogen: You like to fuck the windshield screen of your car??? That's fking weird bro...
Sans: Chillll girl, at least I'm not into anal sex!

by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian November 27, 2021

indoctrinate

A catch-all phrase that political rightwing nutjobs just love to throw around nowadays.

Every normal person: University of insert name here is a great place to study. I had a fantastic time here, made new friends, and learned so much about my field of study.

Some political nutjob: don't go to this university unless you want to be indoctrinated by far left communist agendas that go against our inherent right to free speech

by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian April 29, 2021

My balls itch

A universal sentiment spoken by every single man and boy in the world (in every language possible).

English: Fuck, my balls itch!
Spanish: ¡Joder, me pican las bolas!
French: Putain, mes boules me démangent !
Italian: Cazzo, mi prudono le palle!
Latin: Fute, pilae meae prurigine!
German: Scheiße, meine Eier jucken!
Dutch: Verdomme, mijn ballen jeuken!
Afrikaans: Fok, my balle jeuk!
Finnish: Vittu, palloni kutittaa!
Swedish: fan, mina bollar kliar!
Russian: Бля, у меня яйца чешутся!
Slovak: Do riti, svrbia ma gule!
Bulgarian: По дяволите, сърбят ме топките!
Turkish: Kahretsin, taşaklarım kaşınıyor!
Armenian: Ջի՛մ, գնդիկներս քոր են գալիս:
Hebrew: לעזאזל, הביצים שלי מגרדות!
Greek: Γάμα, οι μπάλες μου φαγούρα!
Arabic: اللعنة ، الكرات بلدي حكة!
Korean: 젠장, 내 볼이 가렵다!
Chinese: 操，我的蛋蛋好痒！
Japanese: クソ、私のボールがかゆい！
Vietmese: Mẹ kiếp, quả bóng của tôi ngứa!
Indonesian: Persetan, bolaku gatal!
Sanskrit: चोदतु, मम कन्दुकाः कण्डूयन्ते!
Hindi: भाड़ में जाओ, मेरी गेंदों में खुजली!
Mongolian: Новш, миний бөмбөг загатнаж байна!
Igbo: Chei, bọọlụ m na-egbu mgbu!
Urdu: بھاڑ میں جاؤ، میری گیندوں کو کھجلی!
Hawaiian: Fuck, ʻeha koʻu mau pōpō!
Tamiol: ஃபக், என் பந்துகள் அரிப்பு!
Yiddish: פאַק, מיינע באָלץ קריצן!

by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian May 18, 2022

Ok and

The most superior comeback. Can be used effectively against any other comeback, even the immortal "no u".

Dude 1: Ur mum gay
Dude 2: Ok and?
Dude 1: *instantly faints and collapses onto the floor*

Dude 3: That's pretty lame bro
Dude 4: No u
Dude 3: Ok and?
Dude 4: ...

by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian September 15, 2021

Caning

What your old man would used to do to you whenever you were misbehaving.

Me, when I was 8 years old: *reaches for a lighter*

Pa: Boy, if I see you play with that lighter yer gonna get a good caning later

by Mary Mary Quite The Contrarian April 02, 2020