1) Bad music.
2) Gossip
3) Scripture
These three categories cover the types of material that are toxic to the ears and minds of those that are unfortunate enough to come into contact with them. The best way to deal with it depends on which category you have been exposed to.
For category 1, locate tracks by Stereophonics or Muse, press play, crank it up to 11 and take a deep breath.
For category 2, pass the gossip along immediately, thus forcing it to exit your mind.
For category 3, get drunk and fuck someone immediately.
2) Gossip
3) Scripture
These three categories cover the types of material that are toxic to the ears and minds of those that are unfortunate enough to come into contact with them. The best way to deal with it depends on which category you have been exposed to.
For category 1, locate tracks by Stereophonics or Muse, press play, crank it up to 11 and take a deep breath.
For category 2, pass the gossip along immediately, thus forcing it to exit your mind.
For category 3, get drunk and fuck someone immediately.
"I was getting a lift with Josh, but I'll be taking the bus from now on, due to the massive dose of Prince related ear poison he pumped into the car"
"Yeah, I heard about it, and I already passed that ear poison on, so I'm immune to your injection. Move it along!"
"Right, that's our weekly shot of ear poison done with until next sunday. Now let's go to Foxies and get us some whores!"
"Yeah, I heard about it, and I already passed that ear poison on, so I'm immune to your injection. Move it along!"
"Right, that's our weekly shot of ear poison done with until next sunday. Now let's go to Foxies and get us some whores!"
by MagickDio May 18, 2010
Get the Ear poison mug.1) David Dickinson, and Tim Wonnacott- those dicks from the TV show, Bargain Hunt. The fact that they are the king twats of daytime television, and that they presents a show called Bargain Hunt earns them each the title "Bargain Cunt"
2) A cheap hooker- probably all the cheaper because she has syphillis.
2) A cheap hooker- probably all the cheaper because she has syphillis.
1) "Urgh, change the channel to Fern and Phillip, those Bargain Cunts make me angry with their ridiculous "fun frame" glasses"
2) "So the GUM clinic called and said I have herpes. I knew I shouldn't have settled for Bargain Cunt"
2) "So the GUM clinic called and said I have herpes. I knew I shouldn't have settled for Bargain Cunt"
by MagickDio February 26, 2010
Get the Bargain Cunt mug.Either the most infuriating or the most outstanding oral sex technique. A slow job is a blow job at quarter speed. If you've got a guy with his hands restrained, a slow job might just be the most fantastic genital to mouth contact he's ever had. We'll call this Scenario A. Taunting, teasing, with plenty of eye contact. That guy will be completely under the spell of the sexual partner for the entire session. Not so if the male has just simply been promised a blow job. Then a slow job is tedious, and will make the blowee hate the blower a little bit and either wish they'd hurry the fuck up or pack it in altogether. Scenario B sure sucks, but not in a good way.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
Can have consequences, such as spontaneous grabbing of the head and savage thrusting into the mouth, leading to potential teeth scraping injuries, possible gagging and dirty looks exchanged for weeks to come. However, the male should remain blameless for his reaction, as inexpert slow jobs are a form of torture, and not all men are trained to deal with that.
Slow jobs should only be attempted by those capable of making scenario A a reality, or those fully prepared to accept the aforementioned consequences of Scenario B.
"I had the best slow job last night. I was handcuffed to the banister and she just spent a good half an hour at least on sucking my cock. It was legendary"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
"I had the worst slow job last night! She said she was going to give me a BJ, so I thought I'd have cum by the time NCIS started. But no. It went on and fucking on, and I got bored and grabbed her head to finish it quicker. She bit me and called me a prick. Worst slow job EVER"
by MagickDio April 19, 2010
Get the Slow Job mug.The process by which a normal situation is made into a more homosexual one.
A bloke who meets his guy mates down the pub to watch football and get rowdy but ends up getting them to talk about feelings and give advice has successfully managed to gay the evening right up.
A girl who meets her girlie mates down the pub to talk about feelings and give advice but ends up getting them to watch football and get rowdy has just managed to gay the evening right the fuck up.
A bloke who meets his guy mates down the pub to watch football and get rowdy but ends up getting them to talk about feelings and give advice has successfully managed to gay the evening right up.
A girl who meets her girlie mates down the pub to talk about feelings and give advice but ends up getting them to watch football and get rowdy has just managed to gay the evening right the fuck up.
guy- "We're not going to the Red Lion, that's Rory's local. Last time we went in there, he had us giving him advice on jeans, remember? This is gonna be a good night, as long as we don't let anyone gay it up"
girl- "Is Julie coming? I don't want another evening gayed up because she wants to watch fuckin'shit utd play"
girl- "Is Julie coming? I don't want another evening gayed up because she wants to watch fuckin'shit utd play"
by MagickDio May 13, 2010
Get the Gay It Up mug.Non existent ideal. The term embodies the unrealistic expectations of magazines/society/men when it comes to mothers. Magical Mummy can cook, clean, do arts and crafts with the kiddies, sew, wash, walk the dog and fuck like a pornstar without even ruffling her perfect hair. She is never to be found languishing on the sofa whilst the kids run riot, nor does she drink wine and sob in the evenings, looking at the pile of ironing and wondering what the fuck happened to her life.
Most men will claim to their wives (in a foolish attempt to create their prefect world) that their own mothers attained Magical Mummy status.
Most men will claim to their wives (in a foolish attempt to create their prefect world) that their own mothers attained Magical Mummy status.
"He asked me why I hadn't been able to iron his uniform as well as make the dinner and clean the kitchen. As if I'm some kind of Magical Mummy!"
"I told him to piss off to his Magical Mummy, and let her run around like a twat for him"
"Make your own dinner, I'm busy doing this! I'm not your Magical Mummy!"
"I told him to piss off to his Magical Mummy, and let her run around like a twat for him"
"Make your own dinner, I'm busy doing this! I'm not your Magical Mummy!"
by MagickDio February 05, 2010
Get the Magical Mummy mug.Oven Eye occurs when a female wearing mascara opens an oven door and bends to peer in instantly, before allowing the steam to escape. The resulting rush of moist heat to the face causes the mascara to react and seriously clump the eyelashes together, making it appear that each eye has a few short, black horns per eyelid, instead of curling, dark lashes.
"Bollocks! I'm going to have to go and do my makeup again, I've got oven eye!"
"Check out those false eyelashes, she looks like she's got oven eye"
"Check out those false eyelashes, she looks like she's got oven eye"
by MagickDio February 06, 2010
Get the Oven Eye mug.The savage disdain that some crazy women and some truly disturbing men have for the act of fellatio. The women are known as "Selfish, frigid bitch" and the men are known as "Sexually repressed, unfucktionate weirdo". There does seem to be a rule here however, when it comes to those who will open declare Fellate Hate. The "Selfish, frigid bitch" will usually have absolutely no issue whatsoever with cunnilingus, whereas the "Sexually repressed, unfucktionate weirdo" will have strong opinions against it. It's clear that one needs a sharp re-education, and the other needs shooting, as it is the kindest solution.
"How are things going with Rebecca?"
"That's SO over"
"Why? You guys were great together"
"I thought so too, until she openly admitted her fellate hate"
"Damn, what's wrong with that woman??"
"So, how are things with Tim?"
"We broke up after he twisted away when I tried to suck him off- he suffers with serious fellate hate"
"You're well out of it then!"
"That's SO over"
"Why? You guys were great together"
"I thought so too, until she openly admitted her fellate hate"
"Damn, what's wrong with that woman??"
"So, how are things with Tim?"
"We broke up after he twisted away when I tried to suck him off- he suffers with serious fellate hate"
"You're well out of it then!"
by MagickDio April 23, 2010
Get the Fellate Hate mug.