Loxi's definitions

sports jockey

Refers to a male with unfulfilled dreams of sports stardom who then pressures his children into playing sports in the hope they achieve the stardom he failed to achieve.

The sports jockey is the male equivalent of the stage mom.

Wife 1: (Sighing) My husband enrolled (insert child's name here) in softball, gymnastics, tennis, and track this year at school.

Wife 2: You poor thing. You married a sports jockey too?

by Loxi July 17, 2009

southern slam

A deliberate insult said to a person's face by a Southerner who is thought to be giving high praise, but is in fact thoroughly insulting the person. The slam is said in a heavy Southern drawl so as to fool the person into thinking you are stupid.

Example 1:

Upon seeing a woman approach wearing a hideous dress:

Southern Slammer: "Where eva did you get that dress? I simply must know. It takes my breath away!

Loosely translated: "That is the fugliest dress I have ever seen. I want to know where you got it so I can avoid that store like the plague!"

by Loxi July 19, 2009

Lawtyr

Short for "lawn martyr". The lawtyr insists on doing the yard maintenance himself (mowing, landscaping, etc.) all the while complaining to everyone within earshot about having to do it -- and acting rather put upon.

The lawtyr is the natural foe of the housewife.

Neighbor: What's the hubby up to today?

Wife: Ah, nothing much. He's just lawtyring around the house today.

by Loxi July 16, 2009

marriage

A matrimonial state as defined by:

1) Females: "Marriage is the opportunity for two souls to be legally bound together so that they can share their innermost thoughts and feelings while creating the most perfect life together."

2) Males: "Wow, a chick to take care of me like my mother used to - but with the added bonus of sex!"

See marriage definition above.

by Loxi July 19, 2009

money

The biggest reason for stress in most marriages and the number one cause of divorce in the United States.

Without money in which to pay the bills, Susie & Bobby are forced to file for bankruptcy.

by Loxi July 22, 2009

teenager

An emotionally under-developed, materialistic, thinks-he-knows-it-all child between the ages of 12-20 who pushes his parents' sanity to the limit.

I used to think that God would not send one more than he could handle - and then I met a teenager.

by Loxi July 20, 2009

dom mom

Refers to females who wear the pants in the family, i.e. Kate from Jon & Kate Plus 8.

I don't know how he puts up with her crap. She's such a dom mom.

by Loxi July 15, 2009