Loxi's definitions

hunting widow

A state of complete physical and emotional abandonment caused by the husband's preference to hunt animals in the wild for days on end instead of spending quality time with his wife at home.

Wife 1: So, your hubby's away on yet another hunting trip, is he?

Wife 2: (Angrily) Don't remind me. I swear, if I wasn't already a hunting widow, I would kill him myself!

by Loxi July 18, 2009

southern slam

A deliberate insult said to a person's face by a Southerner who is thought to be giving high praise, but is in fact thoroughly insulting the person. The slam is said in a heavy Southern drawl so as to fool the person into thinking you are stupid.

Example 1:

Upon seeing a woman approach wearing a hideous dress:

Southern Slammer: "Where eva did you get that dress? I simply must know. It takes my breath away!

Loosely translated: "That is the fugliest dress I have ever seen. I want to know where you got it so I can avoid that store like the plague!"

by Loxi July 19, 2009

sports jockey

Refers to a male with unfulfilled dreams of sports stardom who then pressures his children into playing sports in the hope they achieve the stardom he failed to achieve.

The sports jockey is the male equivalent of the stage mom.

Wife 1: (Sighing) My husband enrolled (insert child's name here) in softball, gymnastics, tennis, and track this year at school.

Wife 2: You poor thing. You married a sports jockey too?

by Loxi July 17, 2009

catapulpit

Refers to a member of the Catholic faith who breaks one or more of the ten commandments in record time (either before or after leaving the Catholic Church).

Examples include:

1. Madonna, entertainer

2. Alberto Cutie, aka "Father Oprah", former priest

3. Kenneth Bianchi, aka "The Hillside Strangler", convicted murderer

Guy 1: Man, did you see on television that Father Oprah scored him a babe?

Guy 2: Yeah! You got to admire him for catapulpitting himself toward such a hot piece of ass!

by Loxi July 18, 2009

promotion

An increase in pay, title, and responsibility for an employee within a company that should be based on his hard work - but occasionally is based on nepotism, office politics, or sycophantic behavior while on the job.

No one seemed surprised by Joey's promotion at work, as he is the boss' son.

by Loxi July 22, 2009

teenager

An emotionally under-developed, materialistic, thinks-he-knows-it-all child between the ages of 12-20 who pushes his parents' sanity to the limit.

I used to think that God would not send one more than he could handle - and then I met a teenager.

by Loxi July 20, 2009

dom mom

Refers to females who wear the pants in the family, i.e. Kate from Jon & Kate Plus 8.

I don't know how he puts up with her crap. She's such a dom mom.

by Loxi July 15, 2009