Loxi's definitions

marriage

A matrimonial state as defined by:

1) Females: "Marriage is the opportunity for two souls to be legally bound together so that they can share their innermost thoughts and feelings while creating the most perfect life together."

2) Males: "Wow, a chick to take care of me like my mother used to - but with the added bonus of sex!"

See marriage definition above.

by Loxi July 19, 2009

Lawtyr

Short for "lawn martyr". The lawtyr insists on doing the yard maintenance himself (mowing, landscaping, etc.) all the while complaining to everyone within earshot about having to do it -- and acting rather put upon.

The lawtyr is the natural foe of the housewife.

Neighbor: What's the hubby up to today?

Wife: Ah, nothing much. He's just lawtyring around the house today.

by Loxi July 16, 2009

baby boomer

An elderly person who should not be allowed to purchase an electronic device without first consulting with a ten-year-old regarding its proper use and maintenance.

I watched in horror as my baby boomer boss pounded on the keyboard in an attempt to "figure out the e-mail."

by Loxi July 20, 2009

hunting widow

A state of complete physical and emotional abandonment caused by the husband's preference to hunt animals in the wild for days on end instead of spending quality time with his wife at home.

Wife 1: So, your hubby's away on yet another hunting trip, is he?

Wife 2: (Angrily) Don't remind me. I swear, if I wasn't already a hunting widow, I would kill him myself!

by Loxi July 18, 2009

sermon

A boring-like speech given for an extended period of time by a so-called expert in his field for the sole purpose of teaching the audience a subject or valuable lesson.

Sermons are often delivered to the audience by total hypocrites, so please tread with caution.

Examples include:

1. Church sermons by a priest/pastor/preacher

2. Commencement addresses at graduation ceremonies

3. Parents to their children whenever they do something the parents used to do that they now feel is wrong

by Loxi July 23, 2009

father-in-law

The sainted man who lives with one's mother-in-law. Generally is known for having great patience.

My father-in-law is a gift from God, but my mother-in-law is a minion of the Devil.

by Loxi July 22, 2009

biracial

Neither 100% of this race nor 100% of that race. Basically the cause of much confusion when filling out application forms that require one to check a single box about their racial makeup.

A biracial (or multiracial) check box should be added to every application form - because this is the real world and very few people are 100% of any particular race (unless they inbreed - yuck!)

by Loxi July 20, 2009