Loxi's definitions

Lawtyr

Short for "lawn martyr". The lawtyr insists on doing the yard maintenance himself (mowing, landscaping, etc.) all the while complaining to everyone within earshot about having to do it -- and acting rather put upon.

The lawtyr is the natural foe of the housewife.

Neighbor: What's the hubby up to today?

Wife: Ah, nothing much. He's just lawtyring around the house today.

by Loxi July 16, 2009

baby boomer

An elderly person who should not be allowed to purchase an electronic device without first consulting with a ten-year-old regarding its proper use and maintenance.

I watched in horror as my baby boomer boss pounded on the keyboard in an attempt to "figure out the e-mail."

by Loxi July 20, 2009

money

The biggest reason for stress in most marriages and the number one cause of divorce in the United States.

Without money in which to pay the bills, Susie & Bobby are forced to file for bankruptcy.

by Loxi July 22, 2009

inheritance

Money and personal property that a hard-working person accumulates during his lifetime that pissant children thinks is their due upon his death.

Below are categories of heir behavior in regard to future inheritances:

1. Grave Watchers: Children who know they will inherit and are just waiting around for the person to die to claim the inheritance.

2. Ingratiating little bastards: Children who kiss the person's ass repeatedly in the hope he will leave his worldly belongings to them.

3. Presumptive brats: Children who assume they will inherit and who foolishly spend money they don't have today, only to find out later they didn't inherit and are now up to their eyeballs in debt.

Inheritances are a gift, not a birthright.

by Loxi July 20, 2009

virgin

A naive female whose hymen has yet to be broken by a male during the act of sex. The virgin species is nearly extinct, as horny male hunters have trapped and taken nearly every hymen in the vicinity. If you are fortunate enough to come across a virgin, sweet words or alcohol will anesthetize her prior to de-hymening.

Virgins are nearly extinct and should be placed on the endangered species list.

by Loxi July 19, 2009

father-in-law

The sainted man who lives with one's mother-in-law. Generally is known for having great patience.

My father-in-law is a gift from God, but my mother-in-law is a minion of the Devil.

by Loxi July 22, 2009

urban dictionary

An ingenious marketing ploy whereby the creators of the dictionary get written definitions from various authors via the web (which then becomes the intellectual property of the creators) who then bind them into a book entitled "Urban Dictionary" and hawk it to various publishing houses until one of them agrees to publish it and make them rich - while the various authors who contributed to the book remain poor.

The creators of the Urban Dictionary are geniuses!

by Loxi July 19, 2009