Loxi's definitions

promotion

An increase in pay, title, and responsibility for an employee within a company that should be based on his hard work - but occasionally is based on nepotism, office politics, or sycophantic behavior while on the job.

No one seemed surprised by Joey's promotion at work, as he is the boss' son.

by Loxi July 22, 2009

starving kids in Africa

Phrase used by Catholic priests or nuns to guilt parochial students into eating vegetables that are good for them or donating money to yet another Catholic charity.

Example 1:

Sr. Mary: Eat your brussels sprouts, Susie.

Susie: But, I don't like them, sister. They're yucky!

Sr. Mary: I can't believe you are wasting food. Why, there are starving kids in Africa who would give anything to have those brussel sprouts. So, you eat them, you hear? They're part of God's bountiful harvest.

Susie: (Looking guilty) Yes, sister.

Example 2:

Sr. Mary: (To class) As part of our Lenten service project, I am asking that each of you donate your lunch money today to the Feed the Children organization. In return, you will receive one cracker and a bowl of watered-down chicken broth for lunch - just like the starving kids in Africa eat every day.

Susie: (Looking longingly at her lunch money) Yes, sister.

by Loxi July 18, 2009

Police Scanner Perv

A citizen who listens intently to a police scanner all day and night so that he will know of all of the fires, murders, robberies, assaults, etc. that occur in his town. The PSP then gleefully informs his friends the next day of the gory details.

The PSP differs from the local policeman, fireman, or EMT with a scanner in that he has a pervy interest in listening to the scanner, not a professional interest.

Dispatcher on Scanner: We have a 10-59 on 25th and Maple; a house is burning, a trauma team and a fire control team are en route.

Police Scanner Perv: Ssh, honey. I am trying to hear the scanner. I think your mother's house may be on fire!

by Loxi July 18, 2009

father-in-law

The sainted man who lives with one's mother-in-law. Generally is known for having great patience.

My father-in-law is a gift from God, but my mother-in-law is a minion of the Devil.

by Loxi July 22, 2009

sermon

A boring-like speech given for an extended period of time by a so-called expert in his field for the sole purpose of teaching the audience a subject or valuable lesson.

Sermons are often delivered to the audience by total hypocrites, so please tread with caution.

Examples include:

1. Church sermons by a priest/pastor/preacher

2. Commencement addresses at graduation ceremonies

3. Parents to their children whenever they do something the parents used to do that they now feel is wrong

by Loxi July 23, 2009

urban dictionary

An ingenious marketing ploy whereby the creators of the dictionary get written definitions from various authors via the web (which then becomes the intellectual property of the creators) who then bind them into a book entitled "Urban Dictionary" and hawk it to various publishing houses until one of them agrees to publish it and make them rich - while the various authors who contributed to the book remain poor.

The creators of the Urban Dictionary are geniuses!

by Loxi July 19, 2009

virgin

A naive female whose hymen has yet to be broken by a male during the act of sex. The virgin species is nearly extinct, as horny male hunters have trapped and taken nearly every hymen in the vicinity. If you are fortunate enough to come across a virgin, sweet words or alcohol will anesthetize her prior to de-hymening.

Virgins are nearly extinct and should be placed on the endangered species list.

by Loxi July 19, 2009