Loxi's definitions

marriage

A matrimonial state as defined by:

1) Females: "Marriage is the opportunity for two souls to be legally bound together so that they can share their innermost thoughts and feelings while creating the most perfect life together."

2) Males: "Wow, a chick to take care of me like my mother used to - but with the added bonus of sex!"

See marriage definition above.

by Loxi July 19, 2009

virgin

A naive female whose hymen has yet to be broken by a male during the act of sex. The virgin species is nearly extinct, as horny male hunters have trapped and taken nearly every hymen in the vicinity. If you are fortunate enough to come across a virgin, sweet words or alcohol will anesthetize her prior to de-hymening.

Virgins are nearly extinct and should be placed on the endangered species list.

by Loxi July 19, 2009

catholicked

Definition 1: A student who received corporal punishment at parochial school via a monster-sized paddle that was kept in the principals office.

Definition 2: Oral technique that parochial school cheerleaders used on every boy they came in contact with.

I know of many people who were Catholicked during my 12 years in parochial school.

by Loxi July 19, 2009

Police Scanner Perv

A citizen who listens intently to a police scanner all day and night so that he will know of all of the fires, murders, robberies, assaults, etc. that occur in his town. The PSP then gleefully informs his friends the next day of the gory details.

The PSP differs from the local policeman, fireman, or EMT with a scanner in that he has a pervy interest in listening to the scanner, not a professional interest.

Dispatcher on Scanner: We have a 10-59 on 25th and Maple; a house is burning, a trauma team and a fire control team are en route.

Police Scanner Perv: Ssh, honey. I am trying to hear the scanner. I think your mother's house may be on fire!

by Loxi July 18, 2009

hunting widow

A state of complete physical and emotional abandonment caused by the husband's preference to hunt animals in the wild for days on end instead of spending quality time with his wife at home.

Wife 1: So, your hubby's away on yet another hunting trip, is he?

Wife 2: (Angrily) Don't remind me. I swear, if I wasn't already a hunting widow, I would kill him myself!

by Loxi July 18, 2009

afrabnormality

Refers to an African American participating in an activity outside of his normal environment (or what "society" feels is his normal environment).

Examples include:

1. Michael Steele, Republican Party Chair

2. Willy T. Ribbs or Bill Lester, NASCAR drivers

3. Willie O'Ree, NHL player

4. Andre Horton or Suki Horton, Alpine skiers

Girl #1: Did you see Michael Steele on the Today show yesterday spouting his Republican drivel?

Sister #2: Nah. I try to keep afrabnormality like that at a distance.

by Loxi July 18, 2009

catapulpit

Refers to a member of the Catholic faith who breaks one or more of the ten commandments in record time (either before or after leaving the Catholic Church).

Examples include:

1. Madonna, entertainer

2. Alberto Cutie, aka "Father Oprah", former priest

3. Kenneth Bianchi, aka "The Hillside Strangler", convicted murderer

Guy 1: Man, did you see on television that Father Oprah scored him a babe?

Guy 2: Yeah! You got to admire him for catapulpitting himself toward such a hot piece of ass!

by Loxi July 18, 2009