Lord Football's definitions

piss gargling

What is says on the packet really. The art of gargling your own piss, or the piss of another, as you would mouth wash. Very popular with watersport enthusiasts and Jane Fonda (who claims it keeps her healthy). I would imagine it is bad for halitosis.

I wouldn't kiss her after I found out she was a piss gargler.

by Lord Football March 20, 2005

Woody

To going missing for large periods of time without any prior notice.

Lord Lucan did a woody.

by Lord Football March 10, 2005

elko

An elko is a little shit. Normally associated with the after curry belly burn, when despite the complete agony of stomach cramps, all you can muster is a runny little turd. This called an elko.

Christ! My guts are killing me, but all I can get out is an elko.

by Lord Football March 13, 2005

Cheese Whack

Cheese whacking is something that only can be by men who are well endowed. It entails removing one's penis and smacking it on a solid surface - normally a table. A really good cheese whack will not only make a half decent noise it will also leave a knobcheese stain on the surface in question.

Cheese whacking can have several meanings. Normally it means "look at my cock, isn't it big". However, it can also take the form of abusing an inanimate object, such as a computer.

Tom got really angry with the server, so he cheese whacked it.

by Lord Football April 4, 2005

Mankyism

A saying or phrase that is written with the intent of being serious but is in fact ridiculous.

An example of a Mankyism is "You can't have a bacon buttie, the king of foods, without bread." or "No. I can't believe people who wank in public toilets and things like that. Its like they are a wanking animal."

by Lord Football September 16, 2008

bumsex

The english expression "bum" refers to the buttocks. Therefore, bumsex this side of the pond would refer to anal sex.

Hiya love, fancy bumsex?

by Lord Football March 6, 2005

Jockney

An insecure smartarse. Comes across as incredibly intelligent and articulate - especially when behind a keyboard. Unfortuntely, in the real word a bit of stumbling, mumbling idiot who is a social spastic, particularly amongst members of the opposite sex.

I met this fella on line and we went for a drink. He didn't know any pubs. When we eventually found one he ordered a Horlicks. What a complete Jockney.

by Lord Football October 22, 2008