James Headfield's definitions

unflippinbelievable

Unflippinbelilevable is a safe and acceptable way to say the f-bomb to whomever, or whatever, you wish as your recipient. Members of the clergy, children, elders, dogs, well-done steaks, and televisions are common recipients of the un-f-bomb.

This avocado is already half-rotten? Unflippinbelievable!

by James Headfield March 10, 2020

australian jesus

Australian Jesus is a white guy with long hair who heads his own cult in the Australian outback. He appeals to monied persons, and ignores the poor. He convinces them to leave their families, show up in Australia (if they're foreigners), and place their monies in the palm. Then, he puts them into a heightened emotional state that makes them cry. If you wish to abandon all that is good and true in life, and then cry, then you are encouraged to seek out the cult of Australian Jesus.

Example for Australian Jesus:

"You don't believe in Jesus!?"
"No, of course I believe in Him. He's that one fella in Australia."

by James Headfield March 10, 2020

Homer

Homer is the unfortunate mascot of the Home Depot, Atlanta's projection of how their own workers are expected to come across: Dumpy, overweight, short, cartoonish, caricaturized, and unwilling to make eye contact with you.

"What in the world am I looking at? Dopey showed up?"
"Nah. That's actually Homer."

by James Headfield March 10, 2020

Cardamom

Just like it sounds. A cardamom is a woman who is remarkably attractive and youthful in appearance, and also has children. She still gets carded when purchasing vodka.

"Yeah I see the brat with you, but I'll still need to see your I.D."
"Are you saying I'm a cardamom?"
"Yes."
"But I didn't hear you say it."
"You're a cardamom."
"Thank you."

by James Headfield March 10, 2020

underattractive

Similar in meaning to 'underemployed,' 'underattractive' is a word used to describe someone who is of middling-decent sex appeal. About a 5 or 6.

"Hey, she's not bad. She gets presentation points for sure."
"I guess so, but I still kinda find her underattractive."

by James Headfield March 10, 2020

free melania

Coined during the early days of the Trump presidency, 'Free Melania' was a massive outcry for the release of his wife from forced marriage. However, since Trump rejects democracy, she has yet to attain liberation from her miserable state. But let not the flame die out.

"Whatcha readin' up on?"
"Child brides in polygamists cults."
"Yikes! Free Melania!"

by James Headfield March 10, 2020

brian eno

Dr. Perfection. Musician and producer who single-handedly founded Glam, Stadium, Ambient, and Electronica. He was in Roxy Music. He ghostwrote everything by Kraftwerk. He was married to David Bowie. He was the fifth Talking Head. He fired David Crosby. And the best part of all: Everyone is related to him.

"Come on over. We're playing Three Degrees of Brian Eno."

by James Headfield March 10, 2020