Jack Atrophy's definitions

frottage cheese

When you are fucking a woman, but both of you are kinda fat so your jelly roll is rubbing up against her muffin top, and the rhythmic undulation of humping is whipping up a frothy mixture of semen, sweat, and lube that resembles cottage cheese. You know what I'm talking about. All the juices and shit from the crotch area somehow creep up to the abdomen. I'm not a physicist-- I don't know how. All I know is that it tastes good if you use it as nacho dip.

How about me and you go out to McDonald's, grab a bite to eat, go to the movies, stop at a Wendy's on the way home, watch some Netflix, order a pizza, and end the night by whipping up some major frottage cheese.

by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022

plight of hand

The visual artist's perennial struggle to accurately represent the human hand.

Often times, plight of hand forces artists to obscure a figure's hands behind objects placed strategically in the foreground of the composition.

by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022

es-pee-onage

The creepy and immoral practice of glancing quickly at another dude's dick while pissing at a urinal.

How did James know that I was uncircumcised? He must be a master of es-pee-onage.

by Jack Atrophy August 7, 2022

brown beluga

A turd that is all big and knobby at one end but gradually tapers off at the other, resembling the body of a beluga whale.

There once was a man from Chattanooga,
Who dropped a fat brown beluga,
And when he was done,
He screamed just for fun,
"I once blew a guy in Kaluga!"

by Jack Atrophy August 4, 2022

tism jism

That which is sprayed over a keyboard when certain people read fan fiction of Sonic the Hedgehog being fucked by a choo choo train.

Guy 1: Why is this library computer keyboard so sticky!?

Guy 2: Check the search history...

Guy 1: The last thing searched was "Sonic and the Steam Engine IX."

Guy 2: Quick! Wash your hands-- that's tism jism!

by Jack Atrophy August 10, 2022

spraymate

A lovely woman who agrees to go pee on your face.

Helga is the best spraymate ever. She drinks a lot of mountain dew before coming to one of our sessions.

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

late crime

When you are so egregiously late for an appointment or event that it is considered criminal.

Patient: Hello, I'm Jack. I'm here for my teeth cleaning appointment.

Dental Receptionist: Your appointment was at 8:00 AM. It is now 4:56 PM. You have committed a late crime. I'm calling the police.

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022