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Jack Atrophy's definitions

pleasure lumps

The little balls of poo that massage the shaft of your penis during anal.
Yeah bitch! Clench harder! I wanna feel those pleasure lumps...
by Jack Atrophy August 7, 2022
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red rimmer

Dude! Can you buy a new brand of toilet paper!? I'm giving myself a red rimmer every other shit.
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
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plight of hand

The visual artist's perennial struggle to accurately represent the human hand.
Often times, plight of hand forces artists to obscure a figure's hands behind objects placed strategically in the foreground of the composition.
by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022
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es-pee-onage

The creepy and immoral practice of glancing quickly at another dude's dick while pissing at a urinal.
How did James know that I was uncircumcised? He must be a master of es-pee-onage.
by Jack Atrophy August 7, 2022
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split peen soup

When you're all horny in your trailer at night and want to have a special fap, so you sneak into kitchen and grab a can of Great Value sweet peas. You open the can with your Dollar Tree can opener and dowse the peas in canola oil. You then proceed to fuck the can of peas, but because all of the products you use are cheap and you are poor and stupid, there's a jagged piece of metal on the rim of the can that suddenly splits your dick down the middle. BAM! Now you've got split peen soup.
Girlfriend: We haven't had sex in two weeks. What's wrong with you?

Boyfriend: I didn't want to say anything, but last week I had three servings of split peen soup..."
by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022
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late crime

When you are so egregiously late for an appointment or event that it is considered criminal.
Patient: Hello, I'm Jack. I'm here for my teeth cleaning appointment.

Dental Receptionist: Your appointment was at 8:00 AM. It is now 4:56 PM. You have committed a late crime. I'm calling the police.
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
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teach impediment

The disorder that afflicts public school teachers who are hopelessly incompetent at their job. Also known as pedagogical paralysis.
Unfortunately, Mrs. Hughes has a teach impediment. You will not be learning any algebra in her class this year.
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
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