Jack Atrophy's definitions

problemaddict

An individual who hunts eagerly for things to be offended by. Such individuals are often very 'woke' and insufferable. They consider most behavior to be 'problematic' and worthy of harsh censure.

These people are ill and require treatment.

We must help these people.

"Have you heard? Zephyr is in rehab..."

"What for?"

"They were a closet problemaddict who couldn't stop moralizing about petty things on Twitter."

"Good for them."

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

pedagogical paralysis

A disorder that prevents teachers from performing their job competently.

See teach impediment.

My teacher suffers from pedagogical paralysis. That is why I aren't can speak goodly.

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

father fap

What's happening in the other room when you hear very loud moaning coming from your dad's laptop speakers before he frantically turns down the volume.

Brother: Where's dad? He just disappeared...

Sister: I don't know. He's probably having a father fap or something.

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

tism jism

That which is sprayed over a keyboard when certain people read fan fiction of Sonic the Hedgehog being fucked by a choo choo train.

Guy 1: Why is this library computer keyboard so sticky!?

Guy 2: Check the search history...

Guy 1: The last thing searched was "Sonic and the Steam Engine IX."

Guy 2: Quick! Wash your hands-- that's tism jism!

by Jack Atrophy August 10, 2022

Everything but the bitch's stink!

A phrase shouted in frustration when a partner is willing to do just about anything but anal.

Girlfriend: Let's try something special tonight... *bats eyelashes*

Boyfriend: How about I pork you in the dumper?

Girlfriend: I was thinking something more like vaginal fisting followed by risky breath play.

Boyfriend: Fuck! Everything but the bitch's stink!

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

social Carlinism

The practice of not emotionally investing oneself in the grand outcome of humanity while approaching society as an amusing spectacle. This attitude was famously espoused by comedian George Carlin.

The preface to Brain Droppings is the best summation of the philosophy of social Carlinism.

by Jack Atrophy August 5, 2022

plight of hand

The visual artist's perennial struggle to accurately represent the human hand.

Often times, plight of hand forces artists to obscure a figure's hands behind objects placed strategically in the foreground of the composition.

by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022