33 definitions by Jack Atrophy

An expression used to characterize those of us who hold a certain set of beliefs and possess a certain set of values. It will be self-evident to posterity that we who now hold these beliefs and attitudes were correct, and thus on 'the right side of history'.
We who are on the 'right side of history' believe in objective reality and the capacity for science and rationality to uncover truths about the world.

We believe in free speech, open discourse, and continuous debate.

We believe that verbal and artistic offensiveness is not a crime.

We believe that it is cowardly to deplatform those who you disagree with.

We believe it is cowardly not to engage with those who you disagree with.

We believe in individualism over group identity.

We believe that you should judge an individual based on the content of their character and not the color of their skin or any other inessential attribute.

We hold color-blindness as an ideal to strive for.

We believe that men and women have differences, but this is okay and men and women should not be inhibited from doing what they wish on the grounds of sex-based prejudice.

We believe that is just fine to be gay, straight, or bi.

We believe that there is nothing wrong with being transgender. It is legitimate, despite there being a lot of junk philosophy that has attached itself to theory of gender presently. We will work out these problems together with the help of reason, science, open discourse, and debate.

We reject that there is any virtue in proclaiming a victim identity.

We believe in liberal democracy and reasonably regulated market economies.

We value liberty, fortitude, strength, and personal responsibility.
by Jack Atrophy August 7, 2022
The creepy and immoral practice of glancing quickly at another dude's dick while pissing at a urinal.
How did James know that I was uncircumcised? He must be a master of es-pee-onage.
by Jack Atrophy August 7, 2022
A phrase shouted in frustration when a partner is willing to do just about anything but anal.
Girlfriend: Let's try something special tonight... *bats eyelashes*

Boyfriend: How about I pork you in the dumper?

Girlfriend: I was thinking something more like vaginal fisting followed by risky breath play.

Boyfriend: Fuck! Everything but the bitch's stink!
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
An individual who hunts eagerly for things to be offended by. Such individuals are often very 'woke' and insufferable. They consider most behavior to be 'problematic' and worthy of harsh censure.

These people are ill and require treatment.

We must help these people.
"Have you heard? Zephyr is in rehab..."

"What for?"

"They were a closet problemaddict who couldn't stop moralizing about petty things on Twitter."

"Good for them."
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
A disorder that prevents teachers from performing their job competently.

See teach impediment.
My teacher suffers from pedagogical paralysis. That is why I aren't can speak goodly.
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
All of the factors in a social system that that perpetuate, enable, and incentivize the adoption of identities based in victimhood.
"Why are people listing their ailments in their Twitter bios?"

"Oh, it's a great way to rack up intersectional points and climb up a few tiers in the victim hierarchy."

"Why would they want to do that?"

"Because with victimhood comes a whole bunch of perks. If you are a victim, you always have an excuse to fail. You always have a hypothetical oppressor to blame. You are given license to censure anyone who disagrees with you. You receive an abundance of pity. And best of all, you get to envision yourself as the noble underdog struggling in the next big civil rights movement!"

"That sounds pathological."

"That's because it is... and it is all a product of systemic victimhood."
by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022
The practice of not emotionally investing oneself in the grand outcome of humanity while approaching society as an amusing spectacle. This attitude was famously espoused by comedian George Carlin.
The preface to Brain Droppings is the best summation of the philosophy of social Carlinism.
by Jack Atrophy August 5, 2022