Definitions by Jack Atrophy

gape insurance

Insurance that pays out a sum of money to the injured party in cases where an asshole becomes too loose to retain feces after consistent anal sex.

I may have to wear a diaper for the rest of my life, but at least I got a fat check from the gape insurance company.

gape insurance by Jack Atrophy August 10, 2022

tism jism 

That which is sprayed over a keyboard when certain people read fan fiction of Sonic the Hedgehog being fucked by a choo choo train.

Guy 1: Why is this library computer keyboard so sticky!?

Guy 2: Check the search history...

Guy 1: The last thing searched was "Sonic and the Steam Engine IX."

Guy 2: Quick! Wash your hands-- that's tism jism!

tism jism by Jack Atrophy August 10, 2022

spraymate 

A lovely woman who agrees to go pee on your face.

Helga is the best spraymate ever. She drinks a lot of mountain dew before coming to one of our sessions.

spraymate by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

praymate 

A friend who goes to church with you.

This is Andrew. He's my praymate. He goes to church with me every Sunday.

praymate by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

Everything but the bitch's stink!

A phrase shouted in frustration when a partner is willing to do just about anything but anal.

Girlfriend: Let's try something special tonight... *bats eyelashes*

Boyfriend: How about I pork you in the dumper?

Girlfriend: I was thinking something more like vaginal fisting followed by risky breath play.

Boyfriend: Fuck! Everything but the bitch's stink!

Everything but the bitch's stink! by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

father fap 

What's happening in the other room when you hear very loud moaning coming from your dad's laptop speakers before he frantically turns down the volume.

Brother: Where's dad? He just disappeared...

Sister: I don't know. He's probably having a father fap or something.

father fap by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

pedagogical paralysis 

A disorder that prevents teachers from performing their job competently.

See teach impediment.

My teacher suffers from pedagogical paralysis. That is why I aren't can speak goodly.

pedagogical paralysis by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022