Jack Atrophy's definitions
When you're all horny in your trailer at night and want to have a special fap, so you sneak into kitchen and grab a can of Great Value sweet peas. You open the can with your Dollar Tree can opener and dowse the peas in canola oil. You then proceed to fuck the can of peas, but because all of the products you use are cheap and you are poor and stupid, there's a jagged piece of metal on the rim of the can that suddenly splits your dick down the middle. BAM! Now you've got split peen soup.
Girlfriend: We haven't had sex in two weeks. What's wrong with you?
Boyfriend: I didn't want to say anything, but last week I had three servings of split peen soup..."
Boyfriend: I didn't want to say anything, but last week I had three servings of split peen soup..."
by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022
Get the split peen soup mug.by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
Get the red rimmer mug.An expression used to characterize those of us who hold a certain set of beliefs and possess a certain set of values. It will be self-evident to posterity that we who now hold these beliefs and attitudes were correct, and thus on 'the right side of history'.
We who are on the 'right side of history' believe in objective reality and the capacity for science and rationality to uncover truths about the world.
We believe in free speech, open discourse, and continuous debate.
We believe that verbal and artistic offensiveness is not a crime.
We believe that it is cowardly to deplatform those who you disagree with.
We believe it is cowardly not to engage with those who you disagree with.
We believe in individualism over group identity.
We believe that you should judge an individual based on the content of their character and not the color of their skin or any other inessential attribute.
We hold color-blindness as an ideal to strive for.
We believe that men and women have differences, but this is okay and men and women should not be inhibited from doing what they wish on the grounds of sex-based prejudice.
We believe that is just fine to be gay, straight, or bi.
We believe that there is nothing wrong with being transgender. It is legitimate, despite there being a lot of junk philosophy that has attached itself to theory of gender presently. We will work out these problems together with the help of reason, science, open discourse, and debate.
We reject that there is any virtue in proclaiming a victim identity.
We believe in liberal democracy and reasonably regulated market economies.
We value liberty, fortitude, strength, and personal responsibility.
We believe in free speech, open discourse, and continuous debate.
We believe that verbal and artistic offensiveness is not a crime.
We believe that it is cowardly to deplatform those who you disagree with.
We believe it is cowardly not to engage with those who you disagree with.
We believe in individualism over group identity.
We believe that you should judge an individual based on the content of their character and not the color of their skin or any other inessential attribute.
We hold color-blindness as an ideal to strive for.
We believe that men and women have differences, but this is okay and men and women should not be inhibited from doing what they wish on the grounds of sex-based prejudice.
We believe that is just fine to be gay, straight, or bi.
We believe that there is nothing wrong with being transgender. It is legitimate, despite there being a lot of junk philosophy that has attached itself to theory of gender presently. We will work out these problems together with the help of reason, science, open discourse, and debate.
We reject that there is any virtue in proclaiming a victim identity.
We believe in liberal democracy and reasonably regulated market economies.
We value liberty, fortitude, strength, and personal responsibility.
by Jack Atrophy August 7, 2022
Get the right side of history mug.Insurance that pays out a sum of money to the injured party in cases where an asshole becomes too loose to retain feces after consistent anal sex.
I may have to wear a diaper for the rest of my life, but at least I got a fat check from the gape insurance company.
by Jack Atrophy August 10, 2022
Get the gape insurance mug.A genre of stench in which the aroma of a freshly baked poo combines with the steam from a hot shower.
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
Get the steamfunk mug.Patient: Hello, I'm Jack. I'm here for my teeth cleaning appointment.
Dental Receptionist: Your appointment was at 8:00 AM. It is now 4:56 PM. You have committed a late crime. I'm calling the police.
Dental Receptionist: Your appointment was at 8:00 AM. It is now 4:56 PM. You have committed a late crime. I'm calling the police.
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
Get the late crime mug.The disorder that afflicts public school teachers who are hopelessly incompetent at their job. Also known as pedagogical paralysis.
Unfortunately, Mrs. Hughes has a teach impediment. You will not be learning any algebra in her class this year.
by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022
Get the teach impediment mug.