Jack Atrophy's definitions

poo prick

1. When your penis is covered in feces after engaging in anal sex.

2. When you are engaged in anal sex and a sharp turd pricks the tip of your penis.

Dude, have you been swallowing sunflower seed shells again? I just got poo pricked!

by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022

gape insurance

Insurance that pays out a sum of money to the injured party in cases where an asshole becomes too loose to retain feces after consistent anal sex.

I may have to wear a diaper for the rest of my life, but at least I got a fat check from the gape insurance company.

by Jack Atrophy August 10, 2022

contact bi

A heterosexual who becomes spontaneously attracted to members of the same sex after shaking hands with a sexy gay guy.

Also, the phenomenon in which this occurs.

"Hey, want to go camping next week?"

"Can't dude, still coming down from that contact bi I got at the gym last month."

by Jack Atrophy August 5, 2022

frottage cheese

When you are fucking a woman, but both of you are kinda fat so your jelly roll is rubbing up against her muffin top, and the rhythmic undulation of humping is whipping up a frothy mixture of semen, sweat, and lube that resembles cottage cheese. You know what I'm talking about. All the juices and shit from the crotch area somehow creep up to the abdomen. I'm not a physicist-- I don't know how. All I know is that it tastes good if you use it as nacho dip.

How about me and you go out to McDonald's, grab a bite to eat, go to the movies, stop at a Wendy's on the way home, watch some Netflix, order a pizza, and end the night by whipping up some major frottage cheese.

by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022

FUPA fromage

The name of what you are consuming when you suck out clotted dick cheese that has been deposited into the bellybutton of an obese woman who has been baking in the sun for four hours.

After eating that FUPA fromage last night my farts smell like jizzy feta.

by Jack Atrophy August 5, 2022

subturdfuge

When you try to hide the fact that you are taking a shit by turning on the shower water.

We heard your toilet farts echoing in there. Turning on the shower water didn't hide a thing. Don't believe for one moment that your little act of subturdfuge was successful.

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

problemaddict

An individual who hunts eagerly for things to be offended by. Such individuals are often very 'woke' and insufferable. They consider most behavior to be 'problematic' and worthy of harsh censure.

These people are ill and require treatment.

We must help these people.

"Have you heard? Zephyr is in rehab..."

"What for?"

"They were a closet problemaddict who couldn't stop moralizing about petty things on Twitter."

"Good for them."

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022