Jack Atrophy's definitions

social Carlinism

The practice of not emotionally investing oneself in the grand outcome of humanity while approaching society as an amusing spectacle. This attitude was famously espoused by comedian George Carlin.

The preface to Brain Droppings is the best summation of the philosophy of social Carlinism.

by Jack Atrophy August 5, 2022

Miss-gender

When a Southern gentleman presumptuously addresses a young woman as 'Miss'.

"Pardon me, Miss. Do you know where the restroom is?"

"Pardon YOU, did you just fucking Miss-gender me!?"

by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022

twink stinker

The beautiful and life affirming anus of a gorgeous twink.

Therapist: "How have you been feeling lately?"

Client: "I was feeling depressed, but then I plowed a twink stinker and now feel that life is worth living again."

by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022

red rimmer

When you wipe to the point of bleeding.

Dude! Can you buy a new brand of toilet paper!? I'm giving myself a red rimmer every other shit.

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

split peen soup

When you're all horny in your trailer at night and want to have a special fap, so you sneak into kitchen and grab a can of Great Value sweet peas. You open the can with your Dollar Tree can opener and dowse the peas in canola oil. You then proceed to fuck the can of peas, but because all of the products you use are cheap and you are poor and stupid, there's a jagged piece of metal on the rim of the can that suddenly splits your dick down the middle. BAM! Now you've got split peen soup.

Girlfriend: We haven't had sex in two weeks. What's wrong with you?

Boyfriend: I didn't want to say anything, but last week I had three servings of split peen soup..."

by Jack Atrophy August 6, 2022

steamfunk

A genre of stench in which the aroma of a freshly baked poo combines with the steam from a hot shower.

Mmm... yummy yummy for my tummy. Do you smell the steamfunk from that delectable shit I just took?

by Jack Atrophy August 9, 2022

gape insurance

Insurance that pays out a sum of money to the injured party in cases where an asshole becomes too loose to retain feces after consistent anal sex.

I may have to wear a diaper for the rest of my life, but at least I got a fat check from the gape insurance company.

by Jack Atrophy August 10, 2022