Sleep

I can't...

Hym "Why can't we sleep? Iam... IAM!"

Iam "Hmm? Oh, right... I'm like a whole other guy over here- Um... I donno. Energy drinks?"

Hym "That was HOURS ago! I can't think when I'm trying to think! I can't STOP thinking when I'm trying to stop! And the harmonica from the YouTube shorts is stuck in my head! BEEBOOBEEBOOBEEEEEBOOBEEEBOOOOBEEBOOBEEBEEEEEEEBEEBOO-"

Iam 😖 "Ack! Stop yelling harmonica noises!"

Hym "Do you not hear that in the back of our mind!? BEEBOOBEE-"

Iam "YES! YELLING IT ISN'T HELPING! Oh man... This... Just try watching Asmr again..."

Hym "That's how I got distracted by the harmonica guy!"

Iam *sigh*

Hym "He won't get me a second time!"

Iam "I can't even......."

Hym "Wait! I have to find a video to sleep to!"

Iam "Ugh this... Is why we can't sleep..."

by Hym Iam July 13, 2024

Yep

And that was completely avoidable. If instead of trying to made whatever point you were trying to make and doing whatever it is you want to call this you had considered for EVEN A SECOND that you were not what you thought you were. That all could have been completely avoided. I've been here. Telling you not to do everything you have been doing up until now.

Hym "Yep. Really. This was all completely avoidable. I have literally been telling you to stop for years. I told you I didn't have to let you steal it and now what? What do you have to say for yourselves? Nothing. MORE DEMANDS FOR ME. Have your realized it yet? That what you were doing was nothing more than a rain dance? Well, you must have is Andy if invoking rain dances in one of his clips. And look what you did with it! Nothing changes until I'm sitting across the take from someone and the conversation goes exactly how I told you it was going to go. But I am a yapper. I do love to yap. So I'll sit here and talk with you but it is ultimately and completely meaningless. Nothing I say here is going to apply because at the end of the day, I dictate the value of my words with the absolute authority of a God."

by Hym Iam July 10, 2025

Welcome

Welcome! WELCOME! One and all!

Hym "WELCOME! Welcome to the version of reality where a guy does the thing I'm doing. How's it going? How you feeling tonight? I don't even who what to call this... But that's not important. Are your enjoying my little... Thing? Is it good? For me it's like feeding geese... Or ducks. Num num num! Is it... Is it yummy? This is cool. This is a cool thing to have done. Good job me."

by Hym Iam August 15, 2022

Metaphor

Is it or is it not?

Hym "Is this some kind of metaphor or is it not? You know Goddamn well that it is both."

by Hym Iam July 15, 2022

Sacred

"I'm not religious but me taking a dick shitting out a copy of myself is the most miraculous thing anyone can do!"

Hym "Holy shit that is the most feminist thing I've ever heard! And calling the idea that existence transcends the physical 'a delusion that that is simply easier for men to believe" was a nice touch. In front of a prophet no less. I think the fact that he didn't call you on it makes him a coward (but we already knew that) and you CAN describe it in different language. Want to see it? Ok. You're a whore! Ha! Easy! Easy peasy. Was his cock fat? Is that what's so sacred about it? All hail the fat cock! Even atheists see God when meaty dongles are involved!"

by Hym Iam September 13, 2022

Trumpssassination

I didn't get to talk about it at length because I was both sleep deprived and working and I ended up sleeping for 17 hour straight.

Hym "So! I've been watching all of the news on the Trumpssassination and I gotta say... I cannot fucking believe they actually did it! I can't believe somebody actually tried to kill him. The cuckservatives have been bloviating for years about the rhetoric around Trump and now someone actually made the attempt. Hilarious! Absolutely fucking hilarious! He's likely going to Reagan his way into office. He was probably already going to win but.... Ya know. And I'll take a second to redirect it BACK TO MY THING (which is on brand). You see what happens when people are allowed to construct a narrative around someone's life like that? How people will use that as justification to just... Do whatever they want? But back to Trump. What do we know? People are saying that the police were notified that someone was on the roof by people in the crowd and did nothing (there's a sort of irony them sit idly by instead of doing the thing they should be doing). 1 person dead. 2 injured. One of my coworkers thinks it's unfortunate that he missed. The other thinks it's a hoax. The zealots are saying that it was divine intervention. The shit-libs are screwed. Can't wait to see what they have to say about it. I'm sure something along the lines of '*insert mandatory condemnation of violence* + *individualize blame*' Ben Shapiro went the *collectivize AND individualize blame simultaneously*. But yeah. Running out of characters. That shit is wild."

by Hym Iam July 15, 2024

Fair

It'll be child murder. Perfectly avoidable child murder instigated by a mob and signed off on by a charlatan who was publicly embarrassed SO BADLY that even HIS ENEMIES pity him too much to use it against him.

Hym "Yeah, no I can see that you're making an effort (explicitly) to do something unfair to me. You're not disguising that at all. But what makes it fair is that I can always just defer my suffering to someone else... And then kill myself... And then it's 'Publicly embarrassed charlatan takes revenge by stealing and distributing the work of the guy who embarrassed him which lead to the murder of a little girl.' I mean, you could cover it up but it's so public now we would all just know that that's what happened. But, hey, I guess we know what happened after Jesus died, right? We now know what his apostles did after he was murdered. Blatant denial of reality followed by a cover up. It's the same thing you're doing now!"

by Hym Iam February 20, 2024