Definitions by Hym Iam
Assuming
Like... A lot of people are doing the shit you're doing my guy. I also insert responses to multiple people at the same time. You have a tendency to undermine the shear volume of input I receive on a daily basis.
Hym "Really, guy you're adding people daily. And every response is something I've heard someone say! I'm actively talking on every position that is thrown at me. Words out of somebody's mouth. Heard by me. Said to me. Insinuating that I'm just making up positions that nobody holds is insulting. Why is that something you're assuming?"
Results
Ugh 😩 Jesus Christ... 😖+🤦+🤏 I'm not getting the results because you're withholding the results from me in exchange for good behavior. So, I spend the rest of my life as a lobotomized zombie. Waiting for the day that never comes. You get to pat yourself on the back because your thing 'worked.' No. My thing worked. This worked. It's like I won a game and at the scoreboard screen I got hit with a prompt to answer a million question survey to receive me elo. No. Give me my shit. The game is over. I win. There's nothing more to talk about.
Hym "Holy shit! This is infuriating! You act like I swiped the condom off your dick as you were about to bang your girlfriend. I accepted what you (in aggregate) said as intuitively appealing axioms and applied it to my thing. Congratulations! You made a convincing argument and I watched it. You've convinced someone to accept your thought as axiomatic truth. Was that not the intent of you saying it!? 'BuT iT's My TrUtH!' Is it? Is it though? Maybe YOU accepting everything I write as 'what I (and not Hym Iam but ME) believe' is what is inappropriate about the situation. You ever considered that!? You want to talk about results? You quoted something I said (in person) to 2 people I don't associate with. That's the result I wanted. I said words to a stranger and a guy on YouTube repeated them back to me, intentionally and DELIBERATELY. Because he knew I had said them, he knows who I am, AND that I would be watching. And you're making it about 'finding love' and psychology 😖+🤦+🤏 Jesus man you guys actively being the problem and then saying your not the problem is the most bizarre thing I've ever seen. It's surreal! It's like you're fucking my wife while looking me dead in the eyes and telling me 'Nah bro it's fine for me to do this.' WOW! The bottom of the river is looking pretty good right now. It never ends with you."
Nuance
Ok, first of: Everything I've said has been said before or other people have expressed a similar sentiment, yeah? Maybe in a more tactful way but that's not what this is about. The 'walking holes to fill' is similar to a Patrice O'Neal joke from the 90's, alright? I'm still morally in the clear. AND it's not an abstract group. Most of these are a direct response to a quote from someone. Word for word. I'm not picking a person and then just fabricating a sentence they've never said just to argue against it. Get it? Some guy says *this* 👈 I responde to 👉 *this*. It's not like I'm pulling things out of I'm ass.
Iam "Aw, see? Now even she's doing it. Son of a bitch!"
Hym "Can you believe this guy!? I know how you know about the thing! Getting it to spread outside of my immediate vicinity is kind of the point. This isn't new to me. Alright? Your participation is the point of all this. I'm watching the number of people doing it increase. I can see people who weren't doing it start to do it. You idiots will reference everything EXCEPT the 'I'm either schizophrenic or people are doing the thing that YOU are doing' and you're making it some bullshit lesson about the power of friendship. Not useful. None of this is doing anything for me."
Iam "Yeah, see it. You know, I find this a little condescending. Insinuating that I am not using the correct amount of cynicism and/or glibness..."
Hym "I like that you acknowledged the fat cock/me-being-a-profound-and-quality-individual dichotomy. I noticed that too but, again, none of this is useful. What I need is the thing and person responsible... And to find my hammer."
Iam "You know, people have already said that I'm responsible for it because there are consequences..."
Hym "And what is consequence to these people saying there are consequences to things? Is there no consequence? That's convenient. You know? To the thing you're actively doing? Is there a consequence to that? No? Jesus' You people are fucking wild. And MY ability to see nuance is askew. MY ability for introspection is being called into question. 🙄"
Hym "Can you believe this guy!? I know how you know about the thing! Getting it to spread outside of my immediate vicinity is kind of the point. This isn't new to me. Alright? Your participation is the point of all this. I'm watching the number of people doing it increase. I can see people who weren't doing it start to do it. You idiots will reference everything EXCEPT the 'I'm either schizophrenic or people are doing the thing that YOU are doing' and you're making it some bullshit lesson about the power of friendship. Not useful. None of this is doing anything for me."
Iam "Yeah, see it. You know, I find this a little condescending. Insinuating that I am not using the correct amount of cynicism and/or glibness..."
Hym "I like that you acknowledged the fat cock/me-being-a-profound-and-quality-individual dichotomy. I noticed that too but, again, none of this is useful. What I need is the thing and person responsible... And to find my hammer."
Iam "You know, people have already said that I'm responsible for it because there are consequences..."
Hym "And what is consequence to these people saying there are consequences to things? Is there no consequence? That's convenient. You know? To the thing you're actively doing? Is there a consequence to that? No? Jesus' You people are fucking wild. And MY ability to see nuance is askew. MY ability for introspection is being called into question. 🙄"
Moth
There is a moth in my room... It's tiny so I can't keep my eye on it long enough to kill it... Where is that piece of shit?
Hym "You know, I would have rather seen how well it would have done as a stand-alone movie..."
Iam 🙄 🤔😒 "................"
Hym "What are you looking at?"
Iam "There's a moth... Shit! I lost it. Where... Do we have, like, a sheet of paper or a book or something to kill it with?"
Hym "It's going to fly in your mouth while you're asleep."
Iam 😑
Hym 😐
Iam 😑 "Why would you say that?"
Hym "Remember that video of the guy who had a spider living in his ear? The doctor had to pull it out with a tweezers..."
Iam 😑
Hym "That's going to be you... Except with a moth in your ear instead of a spider...." 😐
Iam 😑
Hym "It could go in your nose if that makes you feel better." 🤷
Iam "It doesn't. It doesn't make me feel better. 💡💡💡 Where the hell is it? 🙄😒🤔🙄🤔😒 We have to find it before we go to bed."
Hym "Op! Feel that? That tickle in your ear? That's the moth. It's in there. It's too late it's in your ear already pfftt Hahahahahahaha!!" 😂😂😂
Iam 😖 "Goddamnit where are my cotton swabs?"
Hym "Hahahahaha! Goodnight..."
Iam 😑 "I hate you..."
Iam 🙄 🤔😒 "................"
Hym "What are you looking at?"
Iam "There's a moth... Shit! I lost it. Where... Do we have, like, a sheet of paper or a book or something to kill it with?"
Hym "It's going to fly in your mouth while you're asleep."
Iam 😑
Hym 😐
Iam 😑 "Why would you say that?"
Hym "Remember that video of the guy who had a spider living in his ear? The doctor had to pull it out with a tweezers..."
Iam 😑
Hym "That's going to be you... Except with a moth in your ear instead of a spider...." 😐
Iam 😑
Hym "It could go in your nose if that makes you feel better." 🤷
Iam "It doesn't. It doesn't make me feel better. 💡💡💡 Where the hell is it? 🙄😒🤔🙄🤔😒 We have to find it before we go to bed."
Hym "Op! Feel that? That tickle in your ear? That's the moth. It's in there. It's too late it's in your ear already pfftt Hahahahahahaha!!" 😂😂😂
Iam 😖 "Goddamnit where are my cotton swabs?"
Hym "Hahahahaha! Goodnight..."
Iam 😑 "I hate you..."
Side effects
Hym "Ugh... What IS it? What even IS it?"
Iam "I don't know... Google it."
Hym "Gah! My face is warm and my stomach is hot and it won't stop growling. Why did you buy this!?"
Iam "Stop drinking it then! I don't know! I've heard of it but I've never tried it and the bottle made it look good."
Hym "The bottle made it look- Are you retarded!? The bottle looks like a recycled rat poison bottle! Nothing about this screams 'delicious beverage!' "
Iam "Stop drinking it if you don't like it!"
Hym "We don't have anything else that is carbonated."
Iam "Not everything needs to be carbonated!"
Hym "Haa... Everything is hot. My body temperature has raised by, like, 10⁰. It's like all of the side effects of being drunk without any of the intoxication..."
Iam 😖+🤦+🤏 "You're not even listening anymore... 😑 Alright. Do what ever you want. I'm leaving."
Hym "Blegh! It's like Pepsi and NyQuil teamed up to make Seaweed & NyQuil flavored soda... It's like the soda equivalent to salt and vinegar flavored chips... Ugh! Where are you going? Get more Kombucha!"
Iam "I don't know... Google it."
Hym "Gah! My face is warm and my stomach is hot and it won't stop growling. Why did you buy this!?"
Iam "Stop drinking it then! I don't know! I've heard of it but I've never tried it and the bottle made it look good."
Hym "The bottle made it look- Are you retarded!? The bottle looks like a recycled rat poison bottle! Nothing about this screams 'delicious beverage!' "
Iam "Stop drinking it if you don't like it!"
Hym "We don't have anything else that is carbonated."
Iam "Not everything needs to be carbonated!"
Hym "Haa... Everything is hot. My body temperature has raised by, like, 10⁰. It's like all of the side effects of being drunk without any of the intoxication..."
Iam 😖+🤦+🤏 "You're not even listening anymore... 😑 Alright. Do what ever you want. I'm leaving."
Hym "Blegh! It's like Pepsi and NyQuil teamed up to make Seaweed & NyQuil flavored soda... It's like the soda equivalent to salt and vinegar flavored chips... Ugh! Where are you going? Get more Kombucha!"
Side effects by Hym Iam June 3, 2022
Social media beef
Hym "This social media beef thing that happens is a little bit silly isn't it? You know? Like, you fancy pants genius successful cultural icon types don't ever think about who the things you say applies to. You're not talking about me. You're talking about an abstract phantom. Which is why you (supposedly) shouldn't be held in contempt for the things you say. And you wonder why suicide is going up and shootings are going up. And it's not because people aren't being coddled enough or affirmed enough. That's not what I'm saying. There is this type of pernicious superiority culture. We're all climbing up the same ladder and the people at the top don't even have the decency to tilt their ass to the side before they take a shit. They just let it rip and drop down on the people on the lower rungs without even thinking about it. What would happen if I caught some of it and threw it back? What if I'm reeeeeal good at throwing shit vertically and dodging shit as it falls? What if it's literally the only thing I'm good at? The idiots at the top would get hit with their own shit 'WhAt ThE fUcK iS yOuR pRoBlEm!?' They wouldn't even be able to connect the dots. People love it though. People love being roasted. Told how fucking stupid and useless and fat and lazy they are. They eat that shit up. It's all in good fun. And if they don't like it they just don't have a sense of humor. And that's on them."
Social media beef by Hym Iam June 3, 2022