Hifalutin!'s definitions
“Shoot, they’re out of stock,” Desiree told Prima as the pals cruised aisle 8 in CVS. “They told me the Hollywood Breast Lift Tape would be in today!”
Prima offered what comfort she could. “Desiree, Lawson will jump your bones regardless of flop sweat. You don’t need to climb Mount Titerest. Remember how it used to be when you were first hooking up.”
“Right,” Desiree countered smugly, “He loved my big mama foomfy teats.”
“Nipple rouge is a thing, isn’t it?” teenager Sally shyly asked Mother Goose, pulling her away from the other kids at St. Catherine’s Center for Youth. “’Cause Jayden and I have a date for the walk-in later and I just feel… too pale.”
“No worries, hon, we don’t have to scale Mount Titerest,” said Mother Goose. She prided herself on her ability to “relate.” “I have some frozen raspberries I’ve been saving for the right moment. You’ll taste good, too!”
Prima offered what comfort she could. “Desiree, Lawson will jump your bones regardless of flop sweat. You don’t need to climb Mount Titerest. Remember how it used to be when you were first hooking up.”
“Right,” Desiree countered smugly, “He loved my big mama foomfy teats.”
“Nipple rouge is a thing, isn’t it?” teenager Sally shyly asked Mother Goose, pulling her away from the other kids at St. Catherine’s Center for Youth. “’Cause Jayden and I have a date for the walk-in later and I just feel… too pale.”
“No worries, hon, we don’t have to scale Mount Titerest,” said Mother Goose. She prided herself on her ability to “relate.” “I have some frozen raspberries I’ve been saving for the right moment. You’ll taste good, too!”
by Hifalutin! February 5, 2022
Get the Mount Titerestmug. Jumped out of the Town Car and tripped onto the red carpet, bulbs flashing, "Leo! Leo!"--sheeeit, forgot my mask! I'll look like a tool in Star. Third time today. All that primo Jack Herer weed doesn't help.
"We need snow bomb provisions," Tron nagged me. But I had to drive home without the requested t.p., soy milk, Heineken Zero or Gerber peas, and got seriously spanked. Sheeeit, forgot my mask! Again!
"We need snow bomb provisions," Tron nagged me. But I had to drive home without the requested t.p., soy milk, Heineken Zero or Gerber peas, and got seriously spanked. Sheeeit, forgot my mask! Again!
by Hifalutin! February 6, 2022
Get the Sheeeit, forgot my mask!mug. “Dude, don’t go to the Van Gogh Sensurround for your birthday,” said know-it-all Mei-Mei, “it’s only awesome-ish. Hit Little Island instead, that’s way trippier.”
Knut the aspiring model checks his look in the mirror – even with new cheekbones, just awesome-ish, he thinks sadly. Next, the lip plump.
Knut the aspiring model checks his look in the mirror – even with new cheekbones, just awesome-ish, he thinks sadly. Next, the lip plump.
by Hifalutin! February 4, 2022
Get the Awesome-ishmug. “I look into his eyes and see vast oceans,” says Panda. “It’s like an amazing, endless stomach ache. I can’t sleep. It is truly The Sauce.”
“Sounds like J.M.W. Turner and a case of indigestion,” grumbles Mouse, a virtual stranger to losing his head over womxn – well there was the sprite back in Fresh Air Fund camp, but that was only a preteen fantasy. You be safe now.”
64-year-old Maggie has embarked on a virtual quest for a young stud. In 90 days, she has connected with a dozen guys on eHarmony and all of them say they are ready for an adventure with an older woman, particularly a "well-stocked lady" such as herself who wants to “spoil a guy”. Too bad because what Maggie secretly longs for is The Sauce.
“Sounds like J.M.W. Turner and a case of indigestion,” grumbles Mouse, a virtual stranger to losing his head over womxn – well there was the sprite back in Fresh Air Fund camp, but that was only a preteen fantasy. You be safe now.”
64-year-old Maggie has embarked on a virtual quest for a young stud. In 90 days, she has connected with a dozen guys on eHarmony and all of them say they are ready for an adventure with an older woman, particularly a "well-stocked lady" such as herself who wants to “spoil a guy”. Too bad because what Maggie secretly longs for is The Sauce.
by Hifalutin! March 9, 2022
Get the The Saucemug. “Screw starvation!” yells Oprah (no, not that Oprah). “Screw Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Paleo, Keto, raw, Mediterranean, Noom! I’m on this planet just one time (I think) and I want a bowl of hot fudge sauce decorated by a little dab of ice cream! To be followed a full bowl of sweet, sweet whipped cream. That’s just for starters. I'm saying no to no thank you. I want a thank you portion!”
“MicroAlice,” cooed MacroAlice, bending over the toddler’s high chair at Gordon Ramsay Hell’s Kitchen in Las Vegas, and wielding a small silver spoon. "Would babykins at least take a no thank you portion of strained peas?”
“Mother,” said MicroAlice – and these were her first intelligible words – “I would prefer a trencher of whatever you and my esteemed father are consuming. Osso buco with smashed cheesy garlic potatoes and roasted lemon zest out-of-season asparagus would be just fine, a thank you portion! Don't forget the molten chocolate lava cake.”
“MicroAlice,” cooed MacroAlice, bending over the toddler’s high chair at Gordon Ramsay Hell’s Kitchen in Las Vegas, and wielding a small silver spoon. "Would babykins at least take a no thank you portion of strained peas?”
“Mother,” said MicroAlice – and these were her first intelligible words – “I would prefer a trencher of whatever you and my esteemed father are consuming. Osso buco with smashed cheesy garlic potatoes and roasted lemon zest out-of-season asparagus would be just fine, a thank you portion! Don't forget the molten chocolate lava cake.”
by Hifalutin! February 10, 2022
Get the thank you portionmug. “Wow,” Panda says, glued to the ice dancing in Beijing. “Digging the crotchspin.”
“Ahh, Good One,” sneers mama, who loves to abuse Panda’s street name. “The closest you came to a skate was Sugar Pond Warming Hut in 1990.”
Right, daydreams Panda. That bitchin’ Brian Maleski, he knew his way around a crotchspin. The ice was hard too.
“Ahh, Good One,” sneers mama, who loves to abuse Panda’s street name. “The closest you came to a skate was Sugar Pond Warming Hut in 1990.”
Right, daydreams Panda. That bitchin’ Brian Maleski, he knew his way around a crotchspin. The ice was hard too.
by Hifalutin! February 7, 2022
Get the Crotchspinmug. “It’s a glitter bomb, what can I say,” tear-streaked Angie apologizes as she steps out of Frank E. Campbell funeral home “– it’s My Nicest Mask.”
“It might only be Spirit,” Guppy explained, “but after postponing this trip for two years I am sure gonna put on My Nicest Mask—and eat any damn in-flight non-GMO peanuts they provide.”
“It might only be Spirit,” Guppy explained, “but after postponing this trip for two years I am sure gonna put on My Nicest Mask—and eat any damn in-flight non-GMO peanuts they provide.”
by Hifalutin! February 5, 2022
Get the My Nicest Maskmug.