Hammer of Jesus's definitions
An acronym for Sudden Extreme Boner Syndrome. SEBS may occur due to a sudden high volume of stimulation, or occasionally no apparent reason at all. Unfortunate recipients of SEBS often experience pain, rupturing of clothing in the crotch, among other unpleasantries.
Stacy was going down on Chad, when Chad suddenly thought about Stacy’s mom and immediately contracted SEBS. His powerful erection broke the sound barrier and punched a hole in Stacy’s skull. Stacy’s mom heard the sonic boom from downstairs and immediately knew that SEBS had just lobotomized her daughter.
by Hammer of Jesus February 5, 2019
Get the SEBSmug. A fartjob is a sexual act in which one particularly flatulent individual fully inserts their partners penis into their rectum. No thrusting is involved in a fartjob, otherwise it it simply farty anal sex. Instead, one remains idle sitting on their partners dick, and stimulates to completion using only the vibration of flatulence.
Chet: So my neighbors had me over for dinner, after I had them for burrito night at my place.
Jörg: You sneaky bastard! I see where this is going.
Chet: Yeah after a few drinks Mrs. Steinwald moved from her husbands lap over to mine and my dick was already out.
Jörg: Nice! Mexican food the night before really seals the deal. Was her husband suspicious?
Chet: Not at all! Once she finished the fartjob, Mr. Steinwald plopped right down on my dick for fartjob round 2!
Jörg: You sneaky bastard! I see where this is going.
Chet: Yeah after a few drinks Mrs. Steinwald moved from her husbands lap over to mine and my dick was already out.
Jörg: Nice! Mexican food the night before really seals the deal. Was her husband suspicious?
Chet: Not at all! Once she finished the fartjob, Mr. Steinwald plopped right down on my dick for fartjob round 2!
by Hammer of Jesus October 29, 2018
Get the fartjobmug. by Hammer of Jesus February 12, 2020
Get the Squeechmug. Ron: Man, I sure gobbled a whole shitload of knobs on National Dick Sucking Day III.
Abe: Same bro. I love celebrating all of the 365 non-consecutive and independent occurrences of National Dick Sucking Day every year!
Abe: Same bro. I love celebrating all of the 365 non-consecutive and independent occurrences of National Dick Sucking Day every year!
by Hammer of Jesus April 14, 2019
Get the national dick sucking day iiimug. One who is so gay, that their butthole is nearly always filled with penises, dildos, cucumbers, etc. As a result of constant anal blockage, their physical anatomy has changed to allow feces to be expelled from the urethra as an alternate route. This change is what results in a shit pissing faggot.
Mary: You know, our neighbor Todd has been growing eggplants for years, and he’s never given us one!
Bill: That’s because Todd is a god damn shit pissing faggot. They all go up his ass.
Mary: I had no idea! How do you know, honey?
Bill: You didn’t notice the strange aftertaste when he invited us over for eggplant parmigiana??
Bill: That’s because Todd is a god damn shit pissing faggot. They all go up his ass.
Mary: I had no idea! How do you know, honey?
Bill: You didn’t notice the strange aftertaste when he invited us over for eggplant parmigiana??
by Hammer of Jesus June 12, 2018
Get the shit pissing faggotmug. Davy Jones' Gravy is a dark, murky fecal/water combination that is the result of a particularly non-solid bowel movement, obscuring from vision all below it's putrid depths. Commonly found in public restrooms and port-o-potties.
I went to use the outhouse at the construction site, but it was so full that my balls dipped into Davy Jones' Gravy when I sat down.
by Hammer of Jesus February 14, 2017
Get the Davy Jones' Gravymug. Bob: I heard Frank had to get reconstructive surgery on his asshole after spending an evening with Don.
Gerald: Just one night? Damn, there must have been seriously heinous anus gayness afoot.
Gerald: Just one night? Damn, there must have been seriously heinous anus gayness afoot.
by Hammer of Jesus August 17, 2019
Get the heinous anus gaynessmug.