19 definitions by Hammer of Jesus
A phallus of immense girth, length, and/or strength. Wielders as well as recipients must exercise extreme caution.
by Hammer of Jesus January 20, 2019
Davy Jones' Gravy is a dark, murky fecal/water combination that is the result of a particularly non-solid bowel movement, obscuring from vision all below it's putrid depths. Commonly found in public restrooms and port-o-potties.
I went to use the outhouse at the construction site, but it was so full that my balls dipped into Davy Jones' Gravy when I sat down.
by Hammer of Jesus February 14, 2017
The act of using one’s penis as a makeshift gavel to strike a surface. One must loudly exclaim “ORDER IN THE COURT” as they strike said surface.
“Order in the court!” Bill shouted.
Bill brought so much order to Steve’s court that Steve was knocked unconscious.
Bill brought so much order to Steve’s court that Steve was knocked unconscious.
by Hammer of Jesus January 30, 2019
A fartjob is a sexual act in which one particularly flatulent individual fully inserts their partners penis into their rectum. No thrusting is involved in a fartjob, otherwise it it simply farty anal sex. Instead, one remains idle sitting on their partners dick, and stimulates to completion using only the vibration of flatulence.
Chet: So my neighbors had me over for dinner, after I had them for burrito night at my place.
Jörg: You sneaky bastard! I see where this is going.
Chet: Yeah after a few drinks Mrs. Steinwald moved from her husbands lap over to mine and my dick was already out.
Jörg: Nice! Mexican food the night before really seals the deal. Was her husband suspicious?
Chet: Not at all! Once she finished the fartjob, Mr. Steinwald plopped right down on my dick for fartjob round 2!
Jörg: You sneaky bastard! I see where this is going.
Chet: Yeah after a few drinks Mrs. Steinwald moved from her husbands lap over to mine and my dick was already out.
Jörg: Nice! Mexican food the night before really seals the deal. Was her husband suspicious?
Chet: Not at all! Once she finished the fartjob, Mr. Steinwald plopped right down on my dick for fartjob round 2!
by Hammer of Jesus October 29, 2018
A food item containing all of the same ingredients as a chicken pot pie, but chicken is replaced with penis.
Bill: My wife made the most delicious penis pot pie last night!
Ted: Wait...You ate penis for dinner?
Bill: It's totally normal! You should try some!
Ted: I think I'll pass. You and your wife should get some help.
Ted: Wait...You ate penis for dinner?
Bill: It's totally normal! You should try some!
Ted: I think I'll pass. You and your wife should get some help.
by Hammer of Jesus October 6, 2013