6 definitions by H. Bobs
A mono-e-mono competition between any two entities, on the scale of awesomeness. Made popular by the web site Awesomeoff.com.
Yes, the flames you painted all over your scraper bike are incredible, but the penis I shaved in my chest hair is totally awesome. There's only one way to settle this, lets have an awesomeoff!
by H. Bobs October 15, 2008
A more descriptive version of a sticky situation. "Between a rock and a hard place" doesn't really cut it when a situation is not only difficult, but upsetting and/or infuriating.
"I really don't know what to do. My girlfriend thinks I can't commit, and wants me to go meet her mother. If I don't go, she's going to break up with me. But if I do go to the meeting, her mother will likely remember that one night stand I had with her a year ago--and that's really going to be trouble. I'm really between a turd and a wet place here."
by H. Bobs September 4, 2014
When you have a particularly bad case of the beer shits, and you keep thinking you have to crap, but all that comes out is a turd the size of a cork and a gallon of air. You go through the day not being able to trust your anus, feeling like you need to fart, but fearing you might chuck the plug.
"How's your hangover?" "Not good. My headache is gone, but I keep dealing with a series of fart plugs.". "Lovely". "Yeah, the fifth one I shot out was under so much pressure I nearly cracked the toilet."
by H. Bobs June 7, 2007
I am so pissed, I walked in from grocery shopping and found Jim sitting on the couch looking at hardcore donkey porn on his iPad. He should have been pornantined in the study where no one would seen how disgusting he is!
by H. Bobs November 16, 2012
A person who doesn't feel the need to observe items reserved for handicapped people, such as handicapped parking slots or handicapped accessible stalls in public bathrooms.
When I saw the only handicapped parking slot was taken by a handihole, I was so pissed I keyed his car.
by H. Bobs December 22, 2006
When you sit on and fart into a throw pillow, then smack your friend or foe in the face with it. Depending on the material of the throw, the results can be remarkable. When properly executed, you can rip a disastrous bomb into the pillow, rip it across the room nailing someone in the head--and not only do they get doused in stench, but none of the residue remains in your area.
The key is compressing the pillow before you fart, then unloading your weight as it comes out. This causes the pillow to ingest all the surrounding air. Some shillows can hold the stench for 15 minutes in perfect conditions, giving lots of opportunity for a sneak attack.
The key is compressing the pillow before you fart, then unloading your weight as it comes out. This causes the pillow to ingest all the surrounding air. Some shillows can hold the stench for 15 minutes in perfect conditions, giving lots of opportunity for a sneak attack.
Steve enters room, Dave & Jim are sitting on the couch
>WHAP!< throw pillow hits Steve in face thrown by Jim
"Ugh, bastard, you startled me!" Says Steve, then suddenly "OH CRAP, what's that smell?!? (dry heaving) I can taste it! Was that a shillow??"
"Hmm.. that's odd.. I don't smell anything over here. I don't know what you're talking about." Jim plays it off legit.
>WHAP!< throw pillow hits Steve in face thrown by Jim
"Ugh, bastard, you startled me!" Says Steve, then suddenly "OH CRAP, what's that smell?!? (dry heaving) I can taste it! Was that a shillow??"
"Hmm.. that's odd.. I don't smell anything over here. I don't know what you're talking about." Jim plays it off legit.
by H. Bobs August 14, 2009