Gary Vitalis's definitions

Alabama 401K

A retirement plan, of sorts, where an individual makes a bogus back injury claim and files for unemployment, social security, and/or insurance payments. This is a steady source of income for many dirtbags living in Alabama and Mississippi.

Mama, I'll be gettin' my own double wide 'cause my check's in the mail!--Alabama 401K in action!

by Gary Vitalis February 12, 2007

Yo Gabba Gabba

This is a trippy little show that Satan watches when his old lady is off at Amway conventions. It teaches children that all can be resolved through dancing and whining a saying I'm sorry cures cancer. This show uses public funds to support out of work hip hop artists such as Biz Markie.

Hey Yo, Is that Biz Markie? Hell ya...Yo Gabba Gabba that mutha fucka needs to use Crest White Strips...

by Gary Vitalis June 20, 2009

Boiled Peanuts

A delicious snack consisting of green (raw), unshelled peanuts boiled in salt water. This delicacy is typically purchased in gas station parking lots and roadside vegetable stands and consumed by southerners of all socio-economic backgrounds. Almost always served in Styrofoam cups and wrapped in the skimpiest napkin ever made, this salty snack is intended to be shared with family and friends although it is not uncommon for asocial types to devour the whole cup as to not share any with his wife/mistress.

Rich Birmingham Business Man: Mama, I got a cup of boiled peanuts for the Auburn vs. Alabama game.

Broke-Ass Methamphetamine-Addicted Construction Worker: Mama, I got a cup of boiled peanuts for the Auburn vs. Alabama game.

by Gary Vitalis February 19, 2007

MexiVan

Any late 1990's model Dodge Caravan, Ford Windstar, or Mercury Villager registering at least 180,000 miles and usually purchased at buy-here-pay-here car lots. These vehicles are driven by recently-arrived Mexicans, Guatemalans, and Hondurans and are easily identified by chromed plastic hubcaps, flame and soccer ball decals, and dashboards decorated like a Guadalajaran Hooker's living room. Driver beware! These vehicles have a way of eating insurance cards and inhaling the carpet fibers causes amnesia in drivers when asked their names by law enforcement officials. These vehicles also have the ability to become invisible on traffic court day.

Many fine examples of MexiVans can be spied on Sunday afternoons parked outside of Auto Zones throughout the United States.

by Gary Vitalis August 4, 2007

Malt Liquor Muslim

An individual, usually a young black male, who converts to Islam while in prison and then returns to his pre-Muslim ways when on the outside.

James can be seen in his dad's front yard sippin' on a foty (fourty ounce malt liquor bottle), eatin' fried pork skins, smokin' Newports, and beatin' on his old lady--a classic Malt Liquor Muslim.

by Gary Vitalis February 6, 2007

Oprah Jeans

Very tight fitting black jeans worn by obese women who have just dropped five pounds in water weight in an effort to show the world that they are no longer fat. These jeans are black since this color hides rolls better than light colors and are usually debuted with hands in the air and a techno beat and pushed along with the temporary arrogance of knowing that turkey is better for you than pork.

Oprah reinvents herself about every five years and walks onto the show wearing her famous Oprah Jeans. Don't we all love getting parenting advice form the richest and most barren woman on the planet?

by Gary Vitalis October 19, 2009

ADHD

ADHD is an impulse control disorder typcially aggravated by inconsistent parenting. Most children with severe cases of ADHD come from households where parents set little if any limits especially in regard to technology such as the Internet and video games.

Parents of children with ADHD always count to three before they unplug the computer.

by Gary Vitalis February 25, 2007