20 definitions by Gary Vitalis

Blue Jean Baptist

A youthful evangelical, usually with a goatee, who espouses the "come as you are" mentality in churches. These guys are near fascists when it comes to their belief that a necktie will block God's power. In other words, if you wear a suit to church you will burn in Hell. These guys can be seen wearing tight jeans and untucked shirts to church and like to carry a guitar in their Chevy truck as to not appear unhip with the luscious little honeys that he wants to fondle when his wife is at the Baptist Ladies’ Bible Study/Lunches.
Mike beat an old man with a baseball bat today for shaving before coming to chuch. He is a militant Blue Jean Baptist.
by Gary Vitalis July 31, 2008
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Oprah Jeans

Very tight fitting black jeans worn by obese women who have just dropped five pounds in water weight in an effort to show the world that they are no longer fat. These jeans are black since this color hides rolls better than light colors and are usually debuted with hands in the air and a techno beat and pushed along with the temporary arrogance of knowing that turkey is better for you than pork.
Oprah reinvents herself about every five years and walks onto the show wearing her famous Oprah Jeans. Don't we all love getting parenting advice form the richest and most barren woman on the planet?
by Gary Vitalis October 19, 2009
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Hip Hop Valet Parking

Hip Hop Valet Parking describes our African-American friends' tendency to station large American SUVs with oversized chrome rims in the fire lane in front of Wal-Mart or southside malls. A more subtle version occurs when the same SUV is spied with grandma's handicap placard mounted proudly next to a half dozen or so pine tree air fresheners to mask the scent of marijuana. Minor
Section 8 (government housing) celebrities who are generally unemployed or underemployed who claim to be producers are the most likely to utilize Hip Hop Valet Parking.
T-Dog's rim size is three times his ACT score...rollin hard on 27's sippin' a foty, smokin' a blunt...Hip Hop Valet Parking yo'.
by Gary Vitalis April 9, 2009
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Notorius BIG

A fat ass bastard who got popped the night before he would have died from cardiac arrest.
Holy Shit, They didn't call him Notorius BIG for nothing. This mother fucker had bacon grease for blood.
by Gary Vitalis August 18, 2009
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Swedish Chocolate

A black woman in a Volvo or Saab. This refers to the tendency of middle class African-American women in the Atlanta, Georgia area to buy mid-priced European sedans, particularly those from Sweden.
Lashontay is a Black Viking Princess, Swedish Chocolate in a chromed out Volvo S 60.
by Gary Vitalis March 28, 2007
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MexiVan

Any late 1990's model Dodge Caravan, Ford Windstar, or Mercury Villager registering at least 180,000 miles and usually purchased at buy-here-pay-here car lots. These vehicles are driven by recently-arrived Mexicans, Guatemalans, and Hondurans and are easily identified by chromed plastic hubcaps, flame and soccer ball decals, and dashboards decorated like a Guadalajaran Hooker's living room. Driver beware! These vehicles have a way of eating insurance cards and inhaling the carpet fibers causes amnesia in drivers when asked their names by law enforcement officials. These vehicles also have the ability to become invisible on traffic court day.
Many fine examples of MexiVans can be spied on Sunday afternoons parked outside of Auto Zones throughout the United States.
by Gary Vitalis August 1, 2007
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Boiled Peanuts

A delicious snack consisting of green (raw), unshelled peanuts boiled in salt water. This delicacy is typically purchased in gas station parking lots and roadside vegetable stands and consumed by southerners of all socio-economic backgrounds. Almost always served in Styrofoam cups and wrapped in the skimpiest napkin ever made, this salty snack is intended to be shared with family and friends although it is not uncommon for asocial types to devour the whole cup as to not share any with his wife/mistress.

Rich Birmingham Business Man: Mama, I got a cup of boiled peanuts for the Auburn vs. Alabama game.

Broke-Ass Methamphetamine-Addicted Construction Worker: Mama, I got a cup of boiled peanuts for the Auburn vs. Alabama game.
by Gary Vitalis February 19, 2007
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