Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion

Actually written before the Revolution, by the Okhrana or secret police of the old Tsarist regime, round about the year 1900. Popularised by the later Communist leadership, the Nazis and others. Up there with the environmentalist "Chief Seattle" speech, the volley of excuses for the 2003 war in Iraq, Piltdown Man and the Donation of Constantine as one of the great fakes of history.

If you are suffering from insomnia, might I recommend you read this copy of the Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion?

by Fearman July 14, 2007

duttyology

Branch of the sciences with which everyone is of course familiar and which already has coffee-table books devoted to it, but which has yet to be satisfactorily defined. It is therefore incredibly easy to award yourself a doctorate in duttyology. In a postmodern world in particular, duttyologists can multiply like rabbits.

As soon as I had even heard of the word, I had instantly awarded myself an advanced doctorate with honours in duttyology.

by Fearman November 19, 2007

come in six-packs

A class of people who come in six-packs are cheap, contemptible, anti-social or worthless.

Look at those hooligans hanging around the town square looking for trouble. They come in six-packs.

by Fearman August 07, 2007

Uranus

1. Third largest planet in the solar system by diameter and least massive of the gas giants. Discovered by Sir William Herschel in 1781. A naked eye object in good conditions if you know where and what to look for. Higher proportions of water ice, methane and ammonia in the atmospheres of Uranus and Neptune have led astronomers to class these worlds in a separate category known as the ice giants. Knocked on its side by an early impact to its current 98-degree axial tilt, Uranus rolls almost like a ball along its orbit, with first one hemisphere and then the other experiencing daylight. Uranus is known for a system of dark rings of carbonaceous material. Orbits the sun at 1.787 billion miles mean distance, or approaching twenty times Earth's distance, from the Sun. Wins the booby prize for the least photogenic planet in the system, appearing a more or less featureless cyan globe, though this may change at the equinoxes every 42 Earth years. Visited by Voyager 2 in 1986. At last count, 27 moons.

2. Romanised form of the Greek god's name Ouranos, god of the heavens.

3. No scatological jokes, please.

If you know what part of the night sky to look at, you can see the planet Uranus if you squint.

Uranus, god of the heavens.

by Fearman May 12, 2008

quoking

Vaginal smoking, as demonstrated on at least one Internet video sequence with that gorgeous woman who says "and you don't cough, and it doesn't get your teeth yellow!" If you possess a vagina you stick the cool end of the lit cigar or cigarette in and use rhythmic contractions of the vaginal or perineal muscles to suck in and expel air. Try not to burn your pubes. To anyone halfway intelligent, whatever sex appeal there may be in the practice is entirely a matter of the organ used. Not recommended if you have a non-smoking partner who fancies going down on you. Probably not much healthier than the more familiar method. A contraction of "quim" and "smoking". Verb, to quoke.

Quoking looks interesting if you have a high gross-out threshold, no interest in the quoker's health, and it still has novelty value. Otherwise, forget about it.

by Fearman February 01, 2008

denturocracy

Political system in which the person with the straightest whitest smile gets to run the country.

America is the world's premier denturocracy.

by Fearman October 30, 2007

Moreauville

A hick town (US) or boghole (Ireland) so rednecked, inbred, stupid and antsy that you'd swear someone had engineered the locals from cattle. From H.G. Wells' Island of Doctor Moreau, where the title character makes hominid creatures from other species. Irish versions also known as Ballymoreau.

He grew up in Moreauville, Kansas, but got out in the nick of time.

by Fearman March 04, 2008