Definitions by Fearman

axis of evil 

A list of countries that "President" Bush II chooses to use as a distraction from domestic issues and questions about his own popularity. Members of the axis are usually (but not invariably) Muslim, are often grindingly poor outside the palaces of tribal elites, and more to the point do not possess the ability, as states, to retaliate against American soil if subjected to an armed invasion.

China is not part of the Axis of Evil because it possesses ICBMs and incidentally is a large market for American businesses.

axis of evil by Fearman January 29, 2008

Axis of Literary Evil 

Grouping of authors regarded as dark and depraved and explicitly or implicitly worthy of a painful execution because they refused to write books as clean and wholesome as the Bible or Koran. Well, that's what the True Believers would have us think, anyway. At last count included Salman Rushdie, Jo Rowling and Philip Pullman. May be abbreviated to ALE, or AxLE.

Like any true servant of democracy, I find time to support the Axis of Literary Evil whenever I can.

Axis of Literary Evil by Fearman January 25, 2008

modernist 

Any writer at the age of twenty. Their head is not together enough to write about anything, but they write just the same. Unfortunately some of them are taken too seriously. Was a lot worse in the 1920s, obviously enough.

Sally doesn't know one end of a pen from the other and tells everyone she's a modernist.

modernist by Fearman January 25, 2008

Ultima Thule 

1. A weird and wonderful land beyond the nethermost north wind that some nineteenth-century mystics once imagined to be inhabited by incredibly evolved blond blue-eyed people known as the Hyperboreans. Proof positive that some people had way too much to drink.

2. Somewhere you see when you are paralytic drunk.

Belief in Ultima Thule barely survived the arrival of nuclear submarines at the North Pole.

After ten pints of lager and a few shots of absinthe or whiskey, he's headed for Ultima Thule.

Ultima Thule by Fearman January 25, 2008

three-scallop problem 

A problem whose solution is very obvious to everyone else, but which for some reason they refuse to divulge to someone who needs to find these things out. From the movie Demolition Man, starring Wesley Snipes and Sylvester Stallone, where in a future world of perfect primness no-one has the nerve to explain to Stallone's defrosted cop the purpose of the three seashell-shaped markings in every toilet.

They're not telling me what's up with Diane these days. It must be a three-scallop problem.

three-scallop problem by Fearman January 25, 2008

jigsaw morality 

"Moral" argument against gay or lesbian sex on the grounds that "the parts don't fit", as though bodies were supposed to be parts of a jigsaw.

Rome and Topeka have chimed in again with their discussion on how the seam line doesn't match up. More jigsaw morality.

Oops ... I just realised, our parts don't fit, umm, let's call it off. Hey, hold on, I know ... wanna go bowling?

jigsaw morality by Fearman January 15, 2008

furrydicemobile 

A luxurious car, typically one driven by an asshole motorist who shows utter fascist contempt for hitchers and/or cyclists.

Unfortunately, the local roads are so full of potholes that my dynamo stopped working after about a hundred yards, leaving me at the tender mercies of Mikey here and his furrydicemobile.

furrydicemobile by Fearman January 15, 2008