Fearman's definitions

Daniel Craig

After the Bland Bond, the Blond Bond. And am happy to report, this one has style. As long as they keep him for a while, and don't have a Blind Bond. Or Blend Bond.

Daniel Craig. Best news for the franchise since Timothy Dalton.

by Fearman August 4, 2007

Elliott Carver

Played by Jonathan Pryce in Tomorrow Never Dies (1997). Newspaper magnate who likes to make his own stories. Had his wife murdered for colluding with 007 (and thoughtfully put her in his news bulletin). Prepared to risk WW3 in order to secure his market in China. Made the film. The only truly frightening Bond villain in the franchise's history.

Elliott Carver (on Bond's mobile in Hamburg): You have two things belonging to me, Mr. Bond. Now I've found one of them, I've a fair idea where the other one is.

(He is referring to his satellite decoder and his wife. Bond floors the accelerator back to the hotel ...,)

by Fearman August 4, 2007

Roger Moore

In the Bond franchise, the equivalent of one of those Chinese dinners. You'll want to watch his movies again and again ... and ten minutes after the end credits, you'll wonder why. How he managed to swing a record seven Bond movies is one of the universe's most arcane mysteries. The only Bond actor who could have made Richard Kiel's "Jaws" look good. Christopher Walken gave him one wrinkle too many in his last Bond outing, and Moore was mercifully retired.
On the plus side, he won quadruple gold in the 1952 Olympic Games ... in that sadly forgotten event, the eyebrow-raise.

Good evening, darling. The name's Moore. Roger Moore. I hear you throw pots. (Looks down lewdly and VERY obviously, glimpse of his pearly teeth, eyebrows raised). Ah, yes, and you have two gorgeous jugs as well. Shall we dine at the Ritz, my dear?

by Fearman August 4, 2007

Sean Connery

The only actor so far to show there is life after 007. One of the truly great sons of Scotland.

The name's Connery. Sean Connery. I was the first Bond. Whenever anyone wants to do a Bond voice, they impersonate me. Since then I've voiced Draco in Dragonheart and played Marko Ramius in Red October. I was in The Untouchables, Zardoz, Outland, and indeed countlessblockbusters, many of them quite good. I've also been an influential voice in the Scottish secession movement. Beat that, Roger!

by Fearman August 4, 2007

bartymoe

Trick frequently played by Bart Simpson in The Simpsons in which he calls up Moe's Tavern and asks Moe for someone whose name is a double entendre. Bart sneaks it past him by giving Moe the person's alleged surname first. (Funniest example is when he gets Moe to ask for a Hugh Jass ... and someone else takes the phone ...,)

Bart (on phone to Moe's): Hello, I'm looking for someone called Hugginkiss, first name Amanda?
Moe (into tavern): Hey, do we have Amanda Hugginkiss? I'm looking for Amanda Hugginkiss!
(Bart and the customers roll on the floor laughing, while Moe fumes.)

I played a bartymoe on the girl in Larry's Bar, the other day. She was so stupid it actually worked.

by Fearman August 5, 2007

Westboro baptist church

A significant proportion of the population (not many, but enough people) spend their school days whipping other kids, sneering in their faces, tearing up their copybooks, beating up anyone they can while still looking righteous and popular and generally doing everything they can to crush the spirit out of anyone they can get away with so treating. Fortunately, most of them have the grace to leave this childhood unpleasantness behind in due course, and become people of fairness, maturity and integrity who are man or woman enough to, at the very least, apologise to their former victims. And mean it.

And then, alas, there are a pathetic few like the Phelps clan.

Various forms of behaviour unworthy of the most intelligent species on the planet are exemplified, to take two examples, by schoolyard bullies, and by the Westboro Baptist Church.

by Fearman August 6, 2007

redrum

Word used in the novel "The Shining" by Stephen King and in the movie based on it and directed by Stanley Kubrick. "Murder" spelt backwards. Also works on many other levels, being suggestive of bloodshed, wrath, inebriation, violence, a force that consumes people's lives like some satisfying drink, and something used to subdue the Native American tribes that form a subtext of the film.

... redrum ... redrum ... redrum ... redrum ... redrum ... redrum ... redrum ... redrum ... redrum ...

by Fearman August 7, 2007