Dusty's Baby Powder's definitions
The surgical removal of stress. Often done in a doctor's office or at home. Can be anything, but most often refers to massaging and stretching. The word literally means "removal of relaxation". The first relaxectomy was done by Hec Hanley on Beatrice Middleton. This is a nice way to relieve stress and is best if done before bed. So if you're tired or stressed out don't go to any yoga or tai chi classes. Go for a relaxectomy - they are so cool.
Beatrice: Oh no, I'm so stressed out. I need a relaxectomy.
Hec: Well, no problem. We can get our relax on right here, right now. Have we got any Martian Mud?
Beatrice: I see where this is going. You're thinking of giving me a full body rub down, aren't you?
Hec: Yeah, we got the Martian Mud here alright. Hold still, now. (He starts rubbing Beatrice with the Martian Mud) There you go! Now, isn't that creamy?
Beatrice: Yes! That is really creamy. What else can we do?
Hec: We're both still a little bit stressed. How about some warm up stretches? (they do a Hanley Hula) Now, that's nice, isn't it? Don't you feel loose?
Beatrice: Not just loose - limber! Just look at that swing! Now, a Gunny Granny knows what she's talking about. Remember my creed, "A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!"
Hec: This is a relaxectomy. The world's only stress surgery. Pretty sweet, huh?`
Hec: Well, no problem. We can get our relax on right here, right now. Have we got any Martian Mud?
Beatrice: I see where this is going. You're thinking of giving me a full body rub down, aren't you?
Hec: Yeah, we got the Martian Mud here alright. Hold still, now. (He starts rubbing Beatrice with the Martian Mud) There you go! Now, isn't that creamy?
Beatrice: Yes! That is really creamy. What else can we do?
Hec: We're both still a little bit stressed. How about some warm up stretches? (they do a Hanley Hula) Now, that's nice, isn't it? Don't you feel loose?
Beatrice: Not just loose - limber! Just look at that swing! Now, a Gunny Granny knows what she's talking about. Remember my creed, "A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!"
Hec: This is a relaxectomy. The world's only stress surgery. Pretty sweet, huh?`
by Dusty's Baby Powder July 23, 2011
Get the Relaxectomymug. A black and white warm up suit shared by Ben and Liv Hatley. Most often worn by Ben when he rides on the Benmobile, but also shared by Liv when she does Tai Chi. The often put it on in the mornings when they get up so they can stretch themselves. So when you see it, look out, because Ben Hatley has got his Hunk Suit on!
Ben: (riding on the Benmobile) Hey, I better get my Hunk Suit on. We're gonna play some soccer today! I'd better burn off some of this goo.
Nick: Hey, I got my soccer ball. How about we play soccer?
Ben: I'm not sure I know how. Can you teach me?
Nick: Well, its not hard to kick a soccer ball. Here, I'll show you. Spread your feet out so you get a good stance behind it. Then, you angle yourself to get a good shot - about 45 degrees, or so. And then you run toward the ball and slap it with your foot. Here, watch Mommy do it!
Patty: Here, Dad, he's right! I'll show you how. He's got the right idea. But when you're kicking it, try to squat down into the kick. That's where all the power comes from.
Ben: Alright, I'll try. Here it goes! (Nick throws a soccer ball to Ben and Ben shoots it) Wow, look at that thing go! Watch out Havard Flo, here comes Ben Hatley!
Nick: (laughing) Wow! You've sure learned fast.
Ben: Well, I had a great coach, Patty Hatley Tokoname. (Ben and Patty slap a high five. Then Ben high fives Nick)
Nick: You look good in that Hunk Suit. You're a hunka hunka Hatley love!!
Nick: Hey, I got my soccer ball. How about we play soccer?
Ben: I'm not sure I know how. Can you teach me?
Nick: Well, its not hard to kick a soccer ball. Here, I'll show you. Spread your feet out so you get a good stance behind it. Then, you angle yourself to get a good shot - about 45 degrees, or so. And then you run toward the ball and slap it with your foot. Here, watch Mommy do it!
Patty: Here, Dad, he's right! I'll show you how. He's got the right idea. But when you're kicking it, try to squat down into the kick. That's where all the power comes from.
Ben: Alright, I'll try. Here it goes! (Nick throws a soccer ball to Ben and Ben shoots it) Wow, look at that thing go! Watch out Havard Flo, here comes Ben Hatley!
Nick: (laughing) Wow! You've sure learned fast.
Ben: Well, I had a great coach, Patty Hatley Tokoname. (Ben and Patty slap a high five. Then Ben high fives Nick)
Nick: You look good in that Hunk Suit. You're a hunka hunka Hatley love!!
by Dusty's Baby Powder June 12, 2011
Get the Hunk Suitmug. A push up invented by Amos Halftrack. Done not unlike a normal push up except with the aid of martini glasses which you push up off of. He often does them after a night of partying when he has been stone cold drunk. He also involves his wife, Martha Kate Rogers Halftrack.
Marty: Boy, these Trackups are hard! I don't know how you manage to do these.
Papa Amos: Well, they may be hard, but they work wonders on your arms. Feel this!! (he flexes his bicep and Marty crunches it)
Marty: Boy, that's one tough arm, there!
Papa Amos: That's from years of doing Trackups! Now, its not just any old push up. You've really gotta be in shape to do these babies. (takes a couple of martini glasses and does a trackup off of them to show her what he means)
Marty: Wow!! That's 78-year old bicep there!
Papa Amos: (bends down) Ten HUT! You aren't kidding there Little Missy! You may be my wife, but I'm gonna show you how we brigadier generals work out. (singing to the General Car Insurance theme) You want hard biceps all the time? Try doing Trackups, they're real fine!
Stainy: (comes running in with a Bloody Mary) Mind if I join you? I want to learn these too! (he quickly drinks his drink and sets the glass down on the floor)
Papa Amos: Well, here I'll show you how to do it. Give me that glass for a second. (he gets down on the floor and does another Trackup, which Stainy follows) See, its easy. All you do is push up off the martini glass. You can't do it close-handed or they'll break.
Stainy: Looks easy enough! Would they work on a 92-year old red fox like me?
Papa Amos: (starts laughing and jumping) Yeah, they sure would! You've already got the knack of how to do them. Hey, drop down and knock out 10 more for me. (blowing his whistle) Ten HUT!
Papa Amos: Well, they may be hard, but they work wonders on your arms. Feel this!! (he flexes his bicep and Marty crunches it)
Marty: Boy, that's one tough arm, there!
Papa Amos: That's from years of doing Trackups! Now, its not just any old push up. You've really gotta be in shape to do these babies. (takes a couple of martini glasses and does a trackup off of them to show her what he means)
Marty: Wow!! That's 78-year old bicep there!
Papa Amos: (bends down) Ten HUT! You aren't kidding there Little Missy! You may be my wife, but I'm gonna show you how we brigadier generals work out. (singing to the General Car Insurance theme) You want hard biceps all the time? Try doing Trackups, they're real fine!
Stainy: (comes running in with a Bloody Mary) Mind if I join you? I want to learn these too! (he quickly drinks his drink and sets the glass down on the floor)
Papa Amos: Well, here I'll show you how to do it. Give me that glass for a second. (he gets down on the floor and does another Trackup, which Stainy follows) See, its easy. All you do is push up off the martini glass. You can't do it close-handed or they'll break.
Stainy: Looks easy enough! Would they work on a 92-year old red fox like me?
Papa Amos: (starts laughing and jumping) Yeah, they sure would! You've already got the knack of how to do them. Hey, drop down and knock out 10 more for me. (blowing his whistle) Ten HUT!
by Dusty's Baby Powder May 21, 2011
Get the Trackupmug. An old army uniform that is now hard to wear. Often you can hardly fit into it and it often has to be squeezed shut. The most notable set of Gunny Greens belongs to MSGT/GYSGT Earl Pickles USA USMC Ret. His wife, Opal, can't believe he still has it.
Earl: Uh oh, its almost Veterans Day. I'd better whip out my old Gunny Greens. (laughs)I can't fit into these babies anymore, but I still love to wear them.
Ed: Gunny Greens? You know I've got a set of them, too. Back when the Army and Air Force were all one lump, I wore them. It was sweet!
Ben: (looking shocked) What are you two talking about? I've never heard of Gunny Greens. I never wore those.
Earl: (laughing again) Here, try these on. See what you think. (he hands the uniform to Ben) Its probably not gonna fit you, but you'll love it.
Ben: (squeezes himself into the uniform) Fits great! Can I keep this one?
Earl: Sure! You can keep this one. I've got tons more.
Opal: You are crazy! I can't believe you kept that thing! If the folks at Camp Swampy saw that, they would have a fit. Amos Halftrack would be rolling.
Earl: No, no. I can't part with this. That's my Gunny Greens, there. Who knows, I might get called back into the service someday. Me and that old suit have been through a lot. (salutes) TEN HUT! At ease!
Ed: Gunny Greens? You know I've got a set of them, too. Back when the Army and Air Force were all one lump, I wore them. It was sweet!
Ben: (looking shocked) What are you two talking about? I've never heard of Gunny Greens. I never wore those.
Earl: (laughing again) Here, try these on. See what you think. (he hands the uniform to Ben) Its probably not gonna fit you, but you'll love it.
Ben: (squeezes himself into the uniform) Fits great! Can I keep this one?
Earl: Sure! You can keep this one. I've got tons more.
Opal: You are crazy! I can't believe you kept that thing! If the folks at Camp Swampy saw that, they would have a fit. Amos Halftrack would be rolling.
Earl: No, no. I can't part with this. That's my Gunny Greens, there. Who knows, I might get called back into the service someday. Me and that old suit have been through a lot. (salutes) TEN HUT! At ease!
by Dusty's Baby Powder June 7, 2011
Get the Gunny Greensmug. A country dance done by Beatrice Middleton. Most notably done to 'Hillbilly Rock' by Marty Stuart. Its a fun dance and is also a wonderful pre-game warm up exercise. Its also used as a celebration dance when Beatrice's teams win. So if you want some fun that keeps ticking like a clock, do a crazy thing called the Gunny Granny Rock!
Beatrice: Hey kids, you want to learn the Gunny Granny Rock? Its fun!
Diego: Sure! But what's a Gunny Granny Rock?
Wilson: Yeah, what you talkin' about Coach Beatrice?
Beatrice: Here, let me show you. (She turns on 'Hillbilly Rock') You just imitate the movements of the song. Its easy. (She starts dancing with them)
Diego: You're right, this is fun! I love it.
Beatrice: I knew you would. This is crazy. Its the Gunny Granny Rock beating with the drum. Its as quick as shooting from a gun. You'll love it.
Diego and Wilson: Nice! Crazy as a clock, we love it when you do the Gunny Granny Rock. Cause after all a Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!
Beatrice: Right on! (she high fives Wilson and Diego)
Diego: Sure! But what's a Gunny Granny Rock?
Wilson: Yeah, what you talkin' about Coach Beatrice?
Beatrice: Here, let me show you. (She turns on 'Hillbilly Rock') You just imitate the movements of the song. Its easy. (She starts dancing with them)
Diego: You're right, this is fun! I love it.
Beatrice: I knew you would. This is crazy. Its the Gunny Granny Rock beating with the drum. Its as quick as shooting from a gun. You'll love it.
Diego and Wilson: Nice! Crazy as a clock, we love it when you do the Gunny Granny Rock. Cause after all a Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do!
Beatrice: Right on! (she high fives Wilson and Diego)
by Dusty's Baby Powder January 12, 2012
Get the Gunny Granny Rockmug. It's an intense love of one's personal trainer. Often shown when working out with one's wife or husband.
Beatrice: "Boy, Ralph's a real hunk. He's the best personal trainer I know. I think I have a bit of a Coach Crush."
June: "Whoah there! That's my hubby! If anyone's gonna have a crush on him it's me."
Beatrice: "Well, Bryant's got a Coach Crush on me. It's not anything bad, it just makes you want to work harder!"
June: "Whoah there! That's my hubby! If anyone's gonna have a crush on him it's me."
Beatrice: "Well, Bryant's got a Coach Crush on me. It's not anything bad, it just makes you want to work harder!"
by Dusty's Baby Powder September 29, 2010
Get the Coach Crushmug. An exercise program created by Ben Hatley. Used as a warm up stretch before he does other things. His wife, Liv, often joins him as do his four grandkids, especially Nick. He often will spend hours doing these, much to Liv's dismay. This is one of the best warm up stretches you can do.
Ben: (groaning) Oh, I threw my back out. I should have done my Hatleystretch.
Liv: No problem. I was about to do my Tai Chi anyway. Want me to help?
Ben: Sure! Once I stretch out, here, I'm hopping on the Benmobile. (Ben and Liv start stretching each other)
Liv: Here, easy there, don't overstretch it, now. You don't want to tear up a muscle.
Ben: Yeah, you're right. Maybe we should just do it easy so that we just warm the muscle. We don't want it to rip.
Nick: What are you two doing? Can I try it, too?
Ben: Sure! Its just our Hatleystretch. Why don't you try it? Granma Liv can help.
Liv: (takes Nick and starts stretching him) Now this is easy. Just do what I do, okay?
Nick: (starts laughing) Wow! This feels great. Have you always done this?
(Ben and Liv both start laughing)
Ben: Yup! We've been doing it for several years. Heck, I invented it! Used to do it when I lugged mail.
Liv: I've done it, too! Helps me with my Tai Chi. (lunges at Nick doing a crane punch)
Nick: Wow! Hatleystretches are nice! I'm gonna have to tell Mommy and Daddy how!
Liv: No problem. I was about to do my Tai Chi anyway. Want me to help?
Ben: Sure! Once I stretch out, here, I'm hopping on the Benmobile. (Ben and Liv start stretching each other)
Liv: Here, easy there, don't overstretch it, now. You don't want to tear up a muscle.
Ben: Yeah, you're right. Maybe we should just do it easy so that we just warm the muscle. We don't want it to rip.
Nick: What are you two doing? Can I try it, too?
Ben: Sure! Its just our Hatleystretch. Why don't you try it? Granma Liv can help.
Liv: (takes Nick and starts stretching him) Now this is easy. Just do what I do, okay?
Nick: (starts laughing) Wow! This feels great. Have you always done this?
(Ben and Liv both start laughing)
Ben: Yup! We've been doing it for several years. Heck, I invented it! Used to do it when I lugged mail.
Liv: I've done it, too! Helps me with my Tai Chi. (lunges at Nick doing a crane punch)
Nick: Wow! Hatleystretches are nice! I'm gonna have to tell Mommy and Daddy how!
by Dusty's Baby Powder June 11, 2011
Get the Hatleystretchmug.