Definitions by Captain Walleye

commentally retarded

Condition whereby confused or oblivious (often elderly) people befoul a social media post with inane, irrelevant, offensive or otherwise horrid replies.

/normal human posts cover photo of beautiful sunset

Normal human's commentally retarded parent replies: "WHAT TIME ARE YOU GOING TO UNCLE JOE'S FOR SUPPER NEXT WEEK ? !"

commentally retarded by Captain Walleye November 29, 2021

horrendorrific 

Something so bad that it is simultaneously horrendous and horrific, or horrendously horrific, or horrifically horrendous.

I think your baby took a shit. Your whole place smells absolutely horrendorrific.

horrendorrific by Captain Walleye January 21, 2020

eating season 

The period of time from Thanksgiving (or perhaps as early as Halloween depending on regional traditions) until Super Bowl Sunday, where every event involves an outrageous volume of food and everyone gets hugely fat.

I’m up two pants sizes since the start of eating season. I really have to dial it back. Wanna go grab a burger?

eating season by Captain Walleye December 20, 2018

whiny count 

Less vulgar (or typo) variation of "whiny cunt", one who complains needlessly about frivolous things such as fantasy football dues. Used to insult one's friends when they disagree with your idiocy.

Fuck you whiny counts! I'm shutting this MOTHER FUCKER DOWN!

whiny count by Captain Walleye December 4, 2018

Garage Shits

The sensation of needing to go back in the house to fire off a missile immediately after starting a project in the garage. It's a real momentum killer. If you're ever constipated, head out to the garage and pick up a drill. Instant 💩. #garageshits

I needed to go fix the car but didn’t get anything done because I got the garage shits.

Garage Shits by Captain Walleye November 10, 2018

hang up the phone 

An annoyed or embarrassed response to the stupidity or incompetence of another. Synonymous with "Shut the fuck up", or "Jesus, you're stupid". Derived from one man's inability to counteract the obliviousness of those around him, to which he blurted it out in frustration. Also, an appropriate reply to an unfunny or otherwise retarded joke.

Bo: "Boy, I have a lot of tools in my garage."

Me: "Hang up the phone, tubby."

hang up the phone by Captain Walleye August 20, 2008