Noun. A person who makes a great display, either physical or verbal, of constantly being offended by very small things. Normally found in an urban area of the United States. Common offendopotamus behavior includes complaining about the temperature of their 4 dollar ethically sourced coffee, the quality of their 90 dollar steak, or how every Halloween costume is somehow racist, sexist, ableist, deist, etc.
I'm trying to get through the line at the coffee shop and this offendopotamus keeps holding up the line by demanding that the soy milk be heated to 160 degrees before it is put into her latte.
by CPT Ron November 03, 2017
A house on stilts is a woman with a massive torso connected to two spindly, spider-like legs. She is the human personification of Baba Yagga's hut. She has the legs of a marathon runner and the upper body of a big fat sloppy American woman.
"Man, Maria is a real house on stilts. Look at the size of that chick's tiny legs! How do her legs even hold up that much bulk?"
by CPT Ron October 12, 2013
A simp, but to a huge degree. Millennial or Zoomer who thinks he can nice guy his way into women’s pants, then gets all enraged when it doesn’t work because woman don’t actually like simps. The simpanzee is significantly worse than a simp in degree.
Look at my man buying his “best female friend” dinner again so he can not close with her. My man is a simpanzee.
by CPT Ron July 22, 2024
Noun. When you find a concept that a person who is brilliant wrote, that you don't understand. You open the wikipedia article about that concept, and open tabs in your browser for all of the links in that wikipedia article that you also don't understand. Eventually, you have 25 tabs open and you hit the terminal point where you understand, then you work your way backwards through the other 24 tabs until you understand it all. Choose your own adventure books were books that had many possible endings depending on the pages you chose. They were entertainment circa 1985.
How does MD5 hashing work? It uses one way functions...How do one way functions work? Uh oh, time for a wikipedia choose your own adventure.
by CPT Ron November 14, 2017
by CPT Ron October 08, 2019
A dunkaroo is a sexual maneuver whereby a male of the species holds a woman of the species firmly by the hair. The male then penetrates said female anally for a undetermined period of time. The male then, while keeping control of the hair (this is important), scampers around the side of the women and places his penis in the woman's mouth while making a stirring motion with his hips. This is the dunkaroo.
"Do you see that filthy hosebeast over there by the keg? Last month at the Halloween party I dressed up like a kangaroo and did the dunkaroo on her. She got that booty mouth while dressed like a slutty Tinkerbell."
by CPT Ron February 18, 2021
When you screw something up so badly in front of so many people, that you wish you were being pre-recorded on TV so you could ask the technical staff to literally "cut to commercial break." The cut to commercial break indicates that you have achieved an Xbox like screw up. If you were in a video game, the achievement "Worst thing you've done this year" would indicate below you on screen.
I had a savage, throbbing boner during my job interview yesterday. When I stood up, it kinked in my pants like a broken candy bar and I know the hiring manager saw it. I really wished I could have cut to commercial break. I could hear him telling his buddy I must be "fun sized" on the way out of the lobby.
by CPT Ron July 20, 2020