Bad C dev's definitions

65536

2 to the power of 16, which means:
1. Total number of possible states for a 16 bit integer
2. Max excel spreadsheet rows
3. 65536 * 65536 = 2 to the power of 32
4. Only one prime factor: 2

Good C dev: What the fuck is that unsigned short doing as a loop counter?!?!
Bad C dev: None of the tests I ran needed to do 65536 or more iterations.
Good C dev: *violently gut punches the bad C dev*
Bad C dev: *groaning in pain* Sir! Yes sir! I'll get right on it and fix it.
Good C dev: Don't let me see you make that mistake again, or I'll have to bring out my Undefined Behavior whip.
Bad C dev: *shudders*

by Bad C dev February 9, 2021

The Best Parts of a Woman

The misnomer title of a Tumblr blog about porn. The blog purports that "the best parts of a woman" are the "boobs, vagina, and butt." In fact, the actual best parts of a woman are her intelligent mind, her strong soul, and her innate dignity.

White male porn addict: I found this amazing blog on Tumblr called "The Best Parts of a Woman"
Christian: Let me see. The blog must highlight her mind, soul, and dignity.
White male porn addict: It's a pornblog by a superhero.
Christian: Ew! Don't tempt me with that shit!
White male porn addict: I'm going to fap with or without your support!

by Bad C dev February 10, 2021

Drug of Life

We are all born addicted. This addiction is part of the natural human condition. This is the instinct of self-preservation. This also correlates to the instinct for genetic propagation. This is the drug of life, and it has its hold over you right now. Throw off the chains of autobondage and slavery. Cast off your self-doubts and recognize the deterministic nature of the universe. Those who recognize that humans are merely a lump of matter, that there is no hidden dimension to our physical vessels beyond what we can see, and that the soul is merely a figment of the imagination have freed themselves from this addiction. They are the true winners in life because they are truly free--free from worries about living. One cannot attain true present moment awareness so long as they have a desire for survival, for that desire is ever-present whether conscious or unconscious, planning ahead and worrying for the future.

Dude: Remember how I told you how I recovered from my addiction to the drug of life?
Dudette: Yea babe. I'm so horny right now. Let's go cuddle.
Dude: I woke up depressed.
Dudette: You're scaring me, honey. Please pet my pussy. *pulls down pants*
Dude: Farewell deterministic world! *Pulls out a sawed-off and shoots himself, splattering blood everywhere*
Dudette: That's so hot! Blood is my favorite fetish! *Tits go erect as she swirls her tongue around her lips and chin to taste the bloom. Mmmmmm.*
Dudette: It's salty and it melts in your mouth like a saltine but metallic. *Pulls out her dildo and dips it in the blood of the exploded scull of the dude.*
Dudette: *slowly inserts the dildo in her mouth, taking in the immense savoriness.*
Dudette: *moans in pleasure as she rolls her eyes*
Dudette: Thank genetics that I have no gag reflex. *begins to slowly move the dildo in and out of her mouth, gaining speed, faster and faster it goes!*
Dudette: *quickly removes the dildo from her mouth and inserts it in her pussy. Thrusting hard and deep, hitting the g-spot and practically shrieking, she finally brings herself to orgasm and collapses upon the bloody floor*
Dudette: *turns head sideways and extrudes tongue to lick a bit of blood off the floor. Overwhelmed by the excitement and her pleasureful orgasm, she is half-dazed and barely conscious.*
Police: *barge in* THIS IS THE POLICE.
Dudette: *Giggles and squirms a little as her pussy juice flows out before passing out*

by Bad C dev February 24, 2021

fapinux

The act of using any *nix, including Unix, Linux, BSD, and other great works of art, to fap to your heart's content, knowing that it is impossible for the web browser to "infect" your computer with a Virus.

10 IQ porn addict: I use a fapindowton to fap because Microsoft makes the best products and Windows 10 is the best.
80 IQ porn addict: I use a fapintosh to fap so I don't get viruses and so that only Apple tracks my fetish habits.
110 IQ porn addict: I created a fapinux distro to optimize and automate fapping in my workflow. It is based on Talis Linux, and uses the TOR network for porn browsing, but I added init scripts to automatically pull up random porn websites and use facial recognition to select random pictures and videos of specific desired pornstars. I posted it to Github and Sourceforge to assist fellow fappers and promote the sanctity and holiness of the open-source movement. Now, every time I need dopamine, I just boot into fapinux and get busy in under 25 seconds. Who can say they have a more optimized workflow? Hmm? All those who dare to challenge me shall kneel before their lord, and likewise, I shall kneel before my lord, Richard Stallman.

by Bad C dev February 24, 2021

Richard Stallman

God on Earth. He is the Lord, who shall save humanity from its misogynistic tendencies towards proprietary software. The very atoms of his body are holy, and every time he chews his foot fungus he is actually sampling pure divinity. He shall correct all those who dare to misuse the phrase "GNU / Linux," owing to the fact that Linux is the kernel and GNU is the system of components forming the building blocks of the operating system. He is the shepherd of all flocks and varieties of people, namely those who recognize the superiority of GNU / Linux. Like any good shepherd, he shall never lead his people astray, never compromise his sacred beliefs, and always set a truly aspiring example of what people should aspire to become.

Random person: What are you doing?
GNU/Linux user: I am kneeling before my Lord, Richard Stallman. May the goodwill of free software everlast amidst the endless torrents and tirades of evil proprietary software.

by Bad C dev February 25, 2021

Qurangasm

Pronounced Quran-gasm, it describes an orgasm one attains from reading erotic sections of the Quran. Qurangasms are most common in female Muslims, although they can happen to anyone, especially if the person has a fetish for tiny bold words crammed as tight as possible on large sheets of paper with that beautiful sexy margin to give you space and room to think.

Jasmin: I had the best sex ever last night.
Erina: What did you do differently?
Jasmin: My hushand and I engaged in foreplay by reciting verses from the Quran prior to sex.
Erina: How did you stave off a Qurangasm?
Jasmin: I didn't. My husband gave me the best anal right as I orgasmed.
Erina: That's so hot.
*Jasmin and Erina make out because they are secretly star-crossed lesbian lovers.*

by Bad C dev February 26, 2021

ortographobia

Uncanny fear of spelling mistakes. You shit your pants whenever you try to spell a tough word like rhythm or psycho or weird or handkerchief or conscience because you fear you may spell it incorrectly. How little do you realize that noone gives a damn about spelling anymore? Let's just say that the siyko's weerd rithmic hangkarchif iz conshinse and call it a day, hm?

Man: I have ortographobia and I fear misspelling words.
Woman: I have ortographilia and misspelled words turn me on.

by Bad C dev February 26, 2021