use the phone 

euphamism for needing to take an immediate, emergency-level wicked, gnarly shit.

Originated from an incident where a very distant acquaintance went to a friend's brand new house (they had just moved in,) took their portable house telephone, and christened their basement bathroom by taking a long and very stinky shit while making several long-distance phone calls.

Person1: Dude! Pull over, I need to use the phone!
Person2: Dude! We're almost there! Just hold it for half an hour and we'll be at Jake's house. You can make your phone call there.
Person1: Dude! This is gonna be long-distance! Pull Over NOW!
<20 minutes later Person2 emerges from the first toilet to be found on the side of the road>
Person2: Dude. Hope the next tool passing through doesn't need TP.
Person1: Dude?! <shakes head with disgust and pulls back onto the road>

use the phone by 1.tonie May 12, 2008