substitoot

Someone whom you employ to break wind in your stead (da word can also refer just to said "proxy" whizzpopper itself) on occasions where you'd thought dat you'd "really had a good one all ready", but then it turned out to merely be a "false alarm". Be sure to frequently feed said butt-splutter supplier a sizeable portion of baked beans, of course, so dat he can always be reliably "primed 'n' prepared" whenever a supplementary fart is required.
Da BFG never would need a substitoot --- actually, doubly so in his case --- because not only did he never have any trouble with copiously "blowing his trumpet" after drinking frobscottle, but as he told da Queen of England (and then noisily demonstrated said fact), he could still rip one "all on his own" --- i.e., regardless of whether or not he'd consumed any gas-producing foods in da recent past.
by QuacksO February 28, 2024
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substitoot

Someone whom you hire to do your bragging --- i.e., "blow your own horn" ---- for you.
Tronald Dump never had any need for a substitoot during his presidency, since he so greatly enjoyed doing all his bombastic boasting himself.
by QuacksO September 27, 2022
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