A glorious little shit hole in Central Iowa, well known for not having anything to do, not having any place to
work, and having lots of weed. If you live in Newton, Iowa, you are either addicted to
drugs, too poor to move to a better place, or an old, retired
person. Newton, Iowa offers a variety of activities for young people to do, such as smoke weed, drive around town for six hours with no destination (sometimes while smoking weed), go to the roller skating rink (if you're 12), smoke weed, attend one of the 50 churches, eat fast food, smoke weed, have unprotected sex with multiple partners (at once or separately), go bowling, or cook
meth, just to name them all. Newton, Iowa also has a fairly new race track, so now everything is just
FUCKING DANDY! You can't smoke a race track, so very few Newton teens enjoy it. Newton, Iowa is 30
miles away from everything. Avoid this town like the plague.
Welcome to
Newton, Iowa. We
hope you brought something to do.
Man 1: "Where are you from?"
Man 2: "Newton, Iowa."
Man 1: "Sucks to be you, man."
Man 2: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm so
baked right now."
