diagnose with dead 

i see you've jumped off a building. i guess now you are dead.

i diagnose you with dead (present tense for diagnose with dead)

diagnose with dead by minimegaman090 May 29, 2020

Self-Diagnose 

When a 14-year-old on tik -ok finds a trend about faking real mental disorders. This is their excuse for not seeing a doctor.

Jane Doe: I'm self-diagnosed with (mental disorder here)
John Doe: Get out of here you Oxegen wasting sewer rat

Self-Diagnose by I get no sleep like bruh April 1, 2022

I diagnose you with dead 

an intellectually Superior method of saying omae wa mou shindeiru

some faggot: "ha what a nerd"
you: "I diagnose you with dead"
some faggot: " NANI "

you: "simpleton"
*faggot dies*

I diagnose you with dead by memebiggay May 7, 2018

armchair diagnose 

Armchair diagnoses is telling/diagnosing someone they have a mental disorder of some sort. Usually done by an armchair therapist

A: Janice told me I have ADHD because I shake my legs a lot, is that real?
B: That's an armchair diagnose, don't trust her

armchair diagnose by peachyxhua January 28, 2024

google-diagnose 

When Google identifies and names a disease, illness, or problem based on the symptoms you search for.

many people google-diagnose and do not seek medical attention for their symptoms.

google-diagnose by Lovely Lovin August 9, 2025

Diagnostic Fart Assessment 

A specially developed diagnostic tool used by the EPA that seeks to assess the concentration of methane in a mammal’s farts.

Our staff meetings, as a whole, could benefit from a Diagnostic Fart Assessment, since passing gas is our primary mode of communication.

Diagnostic Fart Assessment by Dr Bunnygirl March 25, 2019

self diagnosis

When a person diagnoses themselves based on websites like WebMD and Mayo Clinic.

Step 1: "Owww it hurts"

Step 2: Google where it hurts

Step 3: Examples come up on the search

Step 4: Compare the respective sites

Step 5: Come to conclusion

Jeff googled "irregular pain in the kidney area" to see what was up. WebMD told him that it could just be a muscle strain; this was Jeff's self diagnosis and he decided that was the problem and didn't go to the doctor. 8 months later Jeff found out he had terminal hip bone cancer and that he had only 2 years to live.

Elise had a slight pain in her neck after falling off her bed in the middle of the night and hitting herself. Being a chronic neurotic, she feared for the worst, googled it, just in case. She self diagnosed herself to have had throat cancer. She went to the doctor and found out it was a simple trapezius sprain.

self diagnosis by bpipic April 8, 2010