coconuting

act of sipping an invisible coconut on the company's payroll while doing a meaningless task on your own or with a team, in order to maximize value for yourself at the expense of the company. It only applies to payed employees who enjoy a certain level of comfort from being let go. Comes from the act of enjoying a coconut cocktail while on vacation.

"John is coconuting right now": John is updating an Excel file that nobody in the company needs, just to make it until it's time for him to leave, because he doesn't want to engage in any activity that may keep him working late.
"Mike just coconuted me for an hour": Mike works at a different office with a different time zone, and he talks slowly and is very hesitant during the call, until is his time to leave. I am exposed to his indifference to work, and just have to suck it up, before I can go back to my agenda and keep working for the company. In my imagination Mike is sipping a coconut with his shoes off caring less about colleagues on the rest of the world.

by nordhaus January 22, 2014

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Coconutting

When you have sex with a coconut and ejaculate into it.

I walked into my friends room only to catch him coconutting.

by madokatan August 7, 2017

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Coconutting

During the height of sexual arousal when the male grabs his scrotum and smacks his testicles on the chin of his partner while ejaculating thus simulating eagerly breaking a coconut for the delicious milk.

1. Have you been Spider Manning dem hoes? Hell nah, we're coconutting now. We don't Spider Man no mo' we just coconut dat ho.
2. She's got a lovely bunch of coconuts. There they are a sitting in corn rows. Big ones small ones ones the size of her head.
3. "What? She swallows carrying a coconut?"
-She could grip it by the husk...
"It's not a matter of where she grips it. It's a simple matter of weight ratios. A 105 lb. woman could not carry a 1 lb. coconut."

by Coconut Boi December 17, 2007

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